My assignment was from my son's AP English teacher. They had been studying Shakespeare's Hamlet. I was to write a letter of advice, like Polonius to Laertes. So here's mine. Tell me what you think, and if I need to add anything. Oh, and it's kind of long.
Dear Jimmy,
This is supposed to be a letter of advice, culled from my 45 years of wisdom.
Yeah, it ain't really coming.
I guess I could go by my mother's advice to me: Laugh with them (yes, the right advice, but easy to say, hard to do). Stand up straight (It makes you look thinner). Suck in you gut (see above).and after my divorce: You'll never get a man keeping house the way you do. (ha, ha - fooled her!)
This is the advice I got from one of my favorite bloggers, Jo Fish at Democratic Veteran (a veteran of the Navy): You son sounds like a great kid! Recruiters are guys looking to do their job, so discount about 1/2 of what they say as salesmanship and go from there. The "Nuclear" Navy is a great place to be for someone like your son. Perhaps the only other place where he might be as intellectually challenged is in the pure engineering programs or as a doctor, both of which require (obviously) more than a HS diploma. The men and women who are involved in the NucPower program are very good at what they do, and receive some of the best training in the world to do it, after all, when was the last time you heard of a Navy Reactor having a problem (it makes a difference when you have to live 'next' to it, I think). If he has any interest at all in becoming an officer, there are programs that allow enlisted men to go to either the Naval Academy or ROTC if they are qualified and motivated to to that; and they want to make the committment to the Navy by staying in. That's always another path...however, don't ever believe a recruiter who says that's automatic, it's not...sailors work very hard to get one of those choices presented to them. In short, if he's interested and motivated to do the Nuclear Power program, I'd say "go for it", the pay is a little better, the advancements are a little faster and the work is "real world". Hope that helps, let me know what happens...and thanks for being a DV reader! Jo And the advice Polonius gives to Laertes is pretty kick ass: Neither a borrower or a lender be...and: To thine own self be true...It's kick ass because it is so true, so rock steady after, what, 500 years? If you're going to be a lender, don't expect to get anything you've lent back without a struggle. And about borrowing, you really can't get around it, but you can be in control, it stead of it controlling you. If you're buying something major, like a house or a car, I think the official percentages are 40%/20% - a mortgage on a house can be no more than 40% of your take home pay, for a car, 20%. And for credit cards, (and this is pretty much do as I say, not as I do) the best way to handle them is as a short term loan and pay off the balance every month - you normally get a month's grace period before finance charges hit. If you get to a point where you can't pay the balance every month, just be sure to pay more than the minimum payment. Never be late with a payment (know from experience), the charges are horrendous (like $25 a day late fee plus interest!), but if you know you're going to be late call them and tell them, they can make arrangements for you.
And Here are some other's advice:
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
If
-Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about youAre losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and DisasterAnd treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spokenTwisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!
Teach your Children
You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth
They seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
-Crosby, Stills and Nash
I really don't have that much to add. Just remember, sex is okay - unwanted babies and disease aren't. I'm a big believer in parenthood being planned - children should be wanted before conception. Try not to jump into relationships, and don't stay if it's not working and only causing heartache. Abuse (by you or to you) can never be tolerated, and can be emotional as well as physical, or sexual (yeah, I know, "Yuck! I don't want to talk about it!).
Since I've spent about half my life depressed, I guess I know a thing or two about it. Depression is an illness. My psychiatrist compared it to diabetes. He said, in diabetes, the Pituitary Gland (I think), doesn't produce enough insulin, so patients take insulin to make enough in the body to lower blood sugar. In depression, the brain isn't producing enough endorphins, but there is no drug that can tell your brain to make more. What there is, what I take, are called SSRIs - Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors. After the brain makes the endorphin, Serotonin, and uses it, it normally absorbs (Reuptake) it. So the drug stops that reuptake, which means there's more in the brain. And there are other drugs that work on other endorphins. One problem is that not everybody responds to just Drug Therapy (like me), they (like me) need a combination of Talk and Drug Therapies. With any mental illness, it's not going to go away if you ignore it, you can't shake it off like a cold, and you can't just "handle" it - it handles you. The strongest person is the one who seeks help when they need it, and help will always be there. But you have to ask for it first, and that's hard.
And, in conclusion, as much as I worry about everything it seems, I never worried about you. As much as others told me about "your problems" or "what I should do", I never listened. You're a great kid, I have been unbelievably blessed and I don't really know why. Just remember, Life isn't like a box of chocolates, Life is an adventure, not always fun, or always easy, but always an adventure.
No comments:
Post a Comment