I did finally hear from my son. I might already have gone through it here, but I don't remember so I'll do it again. My ex is also on Facebook (NO, I have NOT friended him), and bless his little obsessive heart got a coworker to get Jimmy to contact us. Turns out he'd been kind of depressed. (Gee, I wonder where he got that?!) I told him that I needed to hear from him, even if he had nothing to say, even if it's just dumping on me, whatever. I told him, (from experience) he needed to get those feelings out, to me, to a blog, a journal, whatever, just don't let them sit and fester. I think I got through to him. I think.
I got me an iPad2 with my tax refund. I'm happy. Well, yes and no. I'm happy and sad at the same time. I'm happier than I've been in over a decade. But I still have that little bit a sadness, like a shadow behind me. Sometimes I wonder, Fringe-like, what the other Pattyes in the other universes are like. Maybe they got into a different class in third grade. Maybe they didn't, but wasn't destroyed by it, maybe it made them stronger. Maybe it was worse. Maybe I didn't survive my childhood. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I want to travel, but I don't have the money. I'm practically a hoarder. I suck at housecleaning. I just get so worn down.
I just wish I mattered. I wish...
I guess it doesn't matter.