Tired, So Tired, So Damn Tired

New news, (I think): Stepson Jason lost his job at a wireless companies call center (not counting when his attendance fell off).

My husband's car needs a new engine. Of course, I'd 've thought a, like, 3-year-old, Jasper engine with less that 25,000 miles on it would still be pretty new. I'd never consider the noise his '95 Tahoe was making was his NEW engine going out! Unfortately, the warranty (only for a year or 16,000 miles) expired last year. but, again, I'd 've thought that the company would stand behind it's product and would want to know why an engine went out so soon when it was babied (hell, the Hubby now drives like an old man), but no. And that's on top of needing his four-wheel-drive fixed.

I just got 2 of the 4 new tires I need. Of course, they're just going to go bad as fast as the previous tires (none orginal), since I need struts, and possibly another alignment.

Since I just got paid, we got a tire for Jimmy's old Honda (an '86 or so Accord that runs better than my '02 Kia), so the Hubby's going to bring the tag up to date and get insurance for it and drive it until the money falls from the sky to fix the Tahoe. Oh and it needs a power steering pump and a radio (the latter stolen at Ouail Springs Mall). But, I guess, those are quibbles.

I just don't know what to say about the hubby. He's in pain. He's suicidal. To me, he's done more in his life than I've even thought about. To him, it's all failure in the past, and pain in the future. I'm at my wit's end. I wish money would fall out of the sky. I wish we would win the powerball.

Oh, and I'm behind on my car payment by $905.

I guess I could use some of that money falling out of the sky.

Today is a down day. In a month, I'll turn 48 (ik), and don't feel like I've accomplished anything. There are things I wanted to do and things I wanted to see and it seems all of it costs money. I'd like slightly more hours than they're giving me at work, but lack the nerve (resolve?) to ask for it.

Politics seems to be rearing it's ugly head at home. Me and the Hubby are 180 degrees apart.

sigh.

SCREAM!! And Scream Again

My stepson got fired today from the Cingular job he's had for a few years. This sent Randy down the pipes, since he had phone service on his son's employee plan. Then, of course, he goes over EVERY concievable wrong EVER in his life. God is against him... He ought to die....

He needs to be in the hospital. And NOT because of his bones! I'm tired of it. It's not my fault. There's nothing I can do about it. I just have to endure it, because nobody listens to me. I'm the moron of the family. Granted, Medicare pays jacks**t on mental health, but then what healthcare plan, insurance, etc. DOES?!

Things have to change for the better.

PLEASE?!

Oh, and in an open letter to Owen Wilson:

Dear Mr. Wilson,

Heard about your hospital stay (who hasn't). But I think you should have been in the Psych Ward with the rest of the public, instead of locked away in a cushy, private room. Please, hear me out. In September, 2005, I had my own "suicidal gesture", and spent 4-5 days in St. Anthony's Hospital, downtown OKC. It was an eye opener. Of course at first my thought was, "These guys are CRAZY!" Then, as I got to know them, I realized their problems weren't that different from mine. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel alone.
Your family certainly cares for you, but if they've never had any type of mental illness, they just don't know how to react. Then you may end up feeling bad for feeling bad. Been there, done that - not good. Also not good - illicit drugs to make you feel better. Take the meds your doctor prescribes, if it doesn't work, try another one. I've been on lots of different anti-depressants. I'm not on one right now (and probably should be), but I won't be eligible for health insurance until the end of next month.
You need to know you're not alone.
You are not alone.

Take Care,
Ms. Not Together