Sunday, February 26, 2006

I'm Worried About the Hubby

No, it's more like, I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE HUBBY!!!

After the initial shock, I'm actually ok. Heck, it'll just be another bill I can't pay.

Wish me luck with Dell, the Library Tech job with the state (which I'd rather have), Books-a-Million, and/or Target.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Holy Hell!

I was going to title this "Can It Get Worse?" but it can always be worse.

Bought Turbo Tax and did my taxes today.

(pregnant pause)

I knew I was going to owe because of the oil leases.

(another pause)

But damn. Damn, Damn, DAMN!! I owe over $4000 Federal and about $1500 state. I might have $50 in my savings account. I don't NEED a Goddamn extension on filing! I need an extension on paying! What, you can't do that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah tell me how I should of put the money back last year when I had it. I had never had a windfall like that IN MY LIFE. We weren't exactly thinking ahead.

So now I'm unemployed (I have an interview with Dell Monday), and I have a huge tax bill I can't pay.

So, where's this God now? Where's this benevolent deity that's supposed to help me, watch over me? WHERE IS HE/SHE?!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Cart's Back on an Even Track

I actually feel pretty good, considering. I got my last check last Friday, so only God knows how I'm going to pay for my car, electric, natural gas, phone (oh, hell, I'll just let that one go). I guess, theoretically, I can get on Food Stamps now that we're living on the Hubby's SSI. I would have my son's old car to drive if mine got repo'd (but since I know they won't get the money off the resale of the car, I'd still get to pay for a car I would no longer own - been there, done that). Of course it needs at least one tire, a power steering pump, and a thermostat (and a radio, but you can't always get what you want).

Have two prospects for jobs, cross your fingers. I turned in the 5 apps for state jobs and now have 8 tests to do. I took the test for Library Tech (which sounds way cool), but I think I crapped out - I don't know beans about the Dewey Decimal System (but I get the gist of it). It was at the Historical Society,too! Darn. The M-in-L is suggesting Wal-Mart or McDonalds. McD's, maybe, but Wal-Mart, NEVER! i was thinking of putting in an app at Target, and the bookstores I frequent.

I don't know. Can't money just fall from the sky? I'd give some of it to charity! It wouldn't make me some snotty, bigoted, society gal (I'm Ms Not Together, that's just not possible)! And I'm not asking for a Mercedes Benz (a VW New Beetle convertible would be nice, though), and I already have a color tv. I just need to be able to pay my bills, God. And I'm certainly not asking YOU to make the Hubby happy (that's just not possible). I need a job and I need money. Period.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Unemployment Benefits Denied

Seriously crashing.


The Hubby says I need to appeal the decision. I don't see the point. I mean, damn, they decided to make an archaic rule just for me (everybody else, now that I'm gone), and I broke it. Their rule. I broke it. Simple. It doesn't matter that it has nothing to do with productivity.

And how am I supposed to get a job when I'm quasi-suicidal (I'm not going to do it, just think about it - A LOT)? I have an interview at a wireless call center, that I've been turned down before, this time through a temp agency. I don't interview well. They want specifics. Let me tell you, if I remembered specifics at every call center I've worked at, I wouldn't just be depressed, I'd be psychotic. The Hubby says to make stuff up, which I'm also not good at.

So, I've gotten my last check. Right now I seem incapable of getting a job. But I have to do something, we can't live on the Hubby's disability (it pays the mortgage, but not much else).

I'm worthless.
I HATE myself!
I wish I were dead. But that wouldn't actually solve anything. It would make things worse, if possible. It just means I have to keep on existing (not unlike a slug).

Maybe you guys ought to go read the happier, actually talented people to the right. Because I'm a big downer.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

One Week

Well, I guess it's lucky I don't want to work at one of OKC's many, many call centers - they don't seem to want me either.

You know, there were times I loved working at Hertz, and there were times I liked (but never loved) working for Cendant. At Hertz, it was when I went to International, around May of '93. At that time you only had to do General (domestic) backup once or twice a week. At that time, International was da bomb, what I did was interesting, and except for travel agents, you didn't have to speak to stupid people. But it changed, having to do backup constantly, being treated like the ugly stepchild, and of course, my reaction to my mother's death. At Cendant (Trilegiant/Affinion, Clientlogic), I started out as a travel agent. But I really sucked at it, I can't sell for beans (you want to fly - you buy, you don't want to buy - the fare probably isn't going to be available when you call back. Tough Toenails to you), so I switched to customer service. I really seemed to have a knack for it and the incentives were fantastic. The incentives went bye-bye, we switched from Sabre to Apollo (which the company had purchased) and during the switch it was a nightmare. In fact, it precipitated a major depression. But I was never the same. I started to be treated like the dopey sidekick, so I started acting like it. I needed to disconnect more and more.

Well, I'm putting in for 5 state jobs. After that I guess I go for clerical jobbies. But it's hard to get out of my mind noone wants me.

That's Why I Don't Like to Go Hunting

The Hubby's (an avid gun hobbyist) reaction to Der Veep.

Friday, February 10, 2006

I'm Not Crying Anymore!

I still feel worthless, although now I realize that I shouldn't. The job was crappy, and getting worse. I knew I needed a change but didn't do anything about it. Now the change has been forced on me.

Looking for a job is HARD. I don't have a clue as to what I want to do. And I hate interviews! I never know if I said the right thing!

The Hubby is signing up for parts B and D of medicare: D to take affect in March and B to take affect in July. Those should knock about $100 off his Social Security each month. But, hey, then I don't have to worry about him - much.

I'd like to think this as a turning point, that it was meant to happen. Ya know, that was said to me after Hertz, and look at me now.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Hi. My name is Pattye Van McKinney. I blog as, hell I am, Ms. Not Together. And I had a crappy day today.

I got fired today.

I can't say I didn't see it coming, they'd been gunning for me for the better part of a year. erTo my mind, still, they wanted me gone no matter what. So, to me, what I got fired for is damn bogus.

I didn't blog much about my job, too many prying eyes. I have said I had a crappy call center job. Well, customer service sucks, especially when it's customer service for a travel agency, and that travel agency farmed out all it's agents to Tijuana, Mexico and Manilla, Philippines. I'd worked there for four years, and crashed three times, twice last year alone. It used to be you got better service over the phone, than doing it yourself on the web. When I was a reservation agent at Hertz (great place to rent a really expensive car, crappy place to work), I would tell customers to always doublecheck what your travel agent books, and that 60% were in competent. Well, to my mind, it's more like 80% today. Today, you don't know who you're going to get, or where, or if they care enough to do it right. Then, the good ol' CS Agents get to mop up.

I just couldn't take it anymore. I would kind of disconnect, or else explode or, more likely, implode, either way leaving a (probably figurative) bloody mess at my desk. Customer service requires putting notes about what you're doing, and why on the record, and to do that means you need to stop taking calls while you're doing so. That's called after-call. So, to disconnect, I would go into, or stay in after call after I was finished with the record. And go onto the internet. Was it right? No. All I can say is I did what I did to keep my sanity.

That didn't work too well.

Right now I HATE myself and I want to die.

And with that attitude I have to look for a job. I'm the breadwinner, you know. The Hubby's on Social Security Disability. Everything's on my shoulders.

Yeah, I've done SOOO well.

Off to look for non-existant or low paying jobs.