Sunday, April 30, 2006

I'm Being Punk'd by God

That's kind of the way it feels.

My celphone display went on the fritz, so now I have a loaner from the M-in-L with my simcard in it.

My paycheck wasn't direct deposited on Friday like it was supposed to. One of the few times I was glad my M-in-L, who works at our bank, snooped into our account. I called my temp agency. They would look into it they said and get back to me. Later, while I'm walking the dogs (or, more likely, they're walking me) in the back-back, I hear something ringing. Sounds like some celphone, close but not real close. So, after looking around, I realize it's MY celphone. My temp agency tells me I was at the bottom of a list and didn't get processed. OOPS!! You'll get your pay by Tuesday.

Well, yay. I guess I didn't need it anyway. It's not like my car payment, the electricity bill, the natural gas bill, the phone bill are late!! Oh, wait...

And the Hubby isn't doing so good. Pain is overwhelming, depression almost at a breaking point, and I get to sit back and watch.

One good thing is my job, temporary as it is. I start on the phones Monday morning. I'm anxious and excited at the same time!! I was declared class Valedictorian, and given a really cute ceramic Southwest jet that holds paperclips, now in a place of honor on our entertainment center.

I tell people I'm going to do the best job that I can, as long as it lasts, and worry about August (the scheduled end date) in August. But who am I kidding? I'm going to love my job and expect it to go on forever and be crushed when it doesn't.

I'm being punk'd by God.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Not much to say.

I am temping now at Southwest Airlines, still in training but it's freakin' great!!

But I come home and crash. All of the worthless feelings seep back in. I may have gotten my first check, but it paid my mortgage. Normally the Hubbys Social Security check pays for it but I had to get car insurance (having lapsed the two months I was unemployed). My car payment will be my next check. Hopefully, I can some, if not all of the gas bill, phone bill and electric with the check after that. and it's starts all over again.

Right now, I'm drowning!

If I can get to work Monday afternoon, I'll be ok, I guess.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Odd Thoughts

Bubba's period of mourning (our late lamented Cooter) may be over. Finally. He's acting happier, eating more, and eating up our hugs.

Cletus is finally starting to blend in with Bubba and Ziva, he's actually wanting to play with Bubba sometimes! That freaks Bubba out kinda, but it's a slow process.

Ziva's potty training is excruciatingly slow. You still have to put her outside after she wakes up from a nap, but her pottying outside is kind of hit and miss, going outside is too much of an adventure (other dogs to bark at, cats to chase) and she forgets the reason she's actually outside.

I've been really, really sad lately. "Life's not worth living" sad. I'm trying to hang on, but it's so difficult. I know I have the SWA temp job starting next Monday. I have an orientation meeting tomorrow. I just don't believe it's going to happen. And even if it does, IT'S JUST A TEMP JOB. I'll have to go through this hell all over again in August.

I'll be sending my tax return off sans payment. Yeah, bad news, but I have no money. Yeah, I should've saved when I had it, but I didn't. So I screwed myself.

I really HATE myself. I am such a loser.

Anyway, finished Papillion, read the Hobbit (for, like, the thousandth time) and found three books cleaning out Jimmy's car: 2 Stephen King Dark Tower books (1 and 2 oddly enough), and Dostoyevsky's Brothers Karamozov. So I'm toying with Dostoyevsky right now. If anybody reads this: is Brothers Karamozov a book for a seriously depressed person to read? I really need to be in somebody elses world.