To borrow a phrase from the late, great Buck Owens. Ya know, Hee Haw was the Energizer Bunny of it's day - it went seemlessly from CBS to syndication, and all the while it was on I'd just cringe and ask myself, "Are they ever going to cancel this?!" But, REALLY OT, Roy Clark had the same smile as Daddy.
I found my kid's myspace.com space - it's under jimtheplatypus. My finding it kind of embarassed him no end, so I emailed him and said I wouldn't go there anymore, just write him either snail mail or regular email.
It turns out I have a myspace space, too. I really, REALLY don't fit in. I say in my mind it's because I'm so old, but the teen and twenties me wouldn't have fit in, either. But at least the teen me would've had someone to talk to. Being able to talk to someone without their seeing you is so freeing. They don't have to know you're a gargoyle.
I finished City of Falling Angels by John What'shisname - the guy who wrote Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Ehh. Readable but not interesting to me, but I don't know what to call it - pedestrian?
Have started on Papillon by Henri Charriere - my favorite book in Eighth Grade. True-life adventure, a little social commentary and light years beyond the movie.
If you haven't noticed, I'm kinda reading constantly, not unlike when I was a depressed kid. I can't say I want to die (well....), but living is such a drag. Nobody really believes the SWA job is going to happen - until it does. I do have another job interview tomorrow, but I'm not really interested. I have to do some research on the company today - but it just doesn't seem right for me.
But what the hell do I know? I've been unemployed for two months. My bad days are outnumbering my good days now (riding the ol' kiddy roller coaster of emotion, deep dips but no highs). And healthcare for me is a luxury I can't afford. I get so envious of the Hubby's medicare I can hardly stand it, but I hate feeling that way, because of how the Hubby even gets medicare in the first place. Like the Hubby says, we're in hell.
Two weeks and we'll see.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Two Reviews
I just finished Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed by Jared Diamond.
A very important precautionary tale, but only providing people pay attention. This is the second book by Jared Diamond I've read. I also read Guns, Germs and Steel. Funny, GG&S took me about a month to read, and I confess, I didn't completely finish it, I got to the last couple of chapters and declared myself done. So finishing Collapse, to me, is a big deal.
If I ever get enough dough to build my dream house, I'm definitely going with what the Hubby calls "the Hippy House": Strawbale infill, though I would prefer either loadbearing strawbale or cob, passive solar design, radiant underfloor heating, bamboo, linoleum or cork flooring, solar power but on grid (so extra goes back to the power co).
I've also finished Bob Kerrey's memoir, forget the name, it's in the living room and I'm in the retreat. A good book, I really can't say great. I wish the Hubby would read it, there's such a correlation to his life, but I doubt he will. While I can't say it's great, I do recommend it.
A very important precautionary tale, but only providing people pay attention. This is the second book by Jared Diamond I've read. I also read Guns, Germs and Steel. Funny, GG&S took me about a month to read, and I confess, I didn't completely finish it, I got to the last couple of chapters and declared myself done. So finishing Collapse, to me, is a big deal.
If I ever get enough dough to build my dream house, I'm definitely going with what the Hubby calls "the Hippy House": Strawbale infill, though I would prefer either loadbearing strawbale or cob, passive solar design, radiant underfloor heating, bamboo, linoleum or cork flooring, solar power but on grid (so extra goes back to the power co).
I've also finished Bob Kerrey's memoir, forget the name, it's in the living room and I'm in the retreat. A good book, I really can't say great. I wish the Hubby would read it, there's such a correlation to his life, but I doubt he will. While I can't say it's great, I do recommend it.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Weiging in on Birth Control
Yeah, I'm dipping my toes into the political arena. I'm not really good at it. Unlike those to the right. I know how I feel, but I'm not good at expressing it. I'm better at emotions. Hell, I spent alot (alot!!! HA, HA, how about all?) of time navel-gazing. Being introspective may not be interesting, but it's what I do.
But, that said, here I go:
I learned I had epilepsy when I was around 16 (30 years ago! ik!), when I had (what was called then) a grand mal seizure in front of my parents. This is how it was for me: one minute I was laying on the couch watching "The Prince of Central Park" on Channel 9, the next I didn't know where I was, I was strapped down and couldn't move, I may have been hyperventilating, and there was a guy in a blue shirt at my feet telling me to calm down (yeah, that was going to happen). Then I was in the Midwest City Memorial Hospital's Emergency Room with my parents, who were in a state I'd never seen before (and never wanted to see again). OT, they told Mama and Daddy they thought I was on drugs. After that debacle, Mama took me to the family doctor, I had an EEG at what I thought was a mental institution. I remember when he told me, he said I'd have to take these pills. I asked for how long, and it's like his answer echoed in my head: "For the rest of your life." I then knew I had actually had it most of my childhood.
Now we fast forward to around 84/85. A friend at work had a baby (I knitted a beautiful crimson bunting for her). I developed rabid BABY FEVER. I had been taking Dilantin faithfully ever since, but didn't want to risk birth defects. My ob/gyn at the time suggested going off Dilantin about 6 months before I got pregnant to get it out of my system and give me time to see if, and how bad, I have seizures. Well, I didn't quite wait the 6 months, I stopped taking Dilantin in September of 85. No seizures, stopped taking birth control in January 86, and BAM! I was pregnant (again OT, the last time I enjoyed sex with my ex). October 15, 1986, the most beautiful, big, healthy boy on the face of the planet was born (well except for the minor meconium aspiration thing)!
I can't even begin to imagine not taking The Pill during that time period. I can't begin to imagine just leaving it up to fate. Children should be wanted. Parents should be as healthy as possible (hell, I gave up coffee - which my son doesn't believe). Why can't people understand you MAY want to have sex without creating children. Sex is fun. Sex is healthy (yeah, I need to repeat those two over and over again now). I wanted to make sure I was healthy and he had the best environment to grow, both inside and outside of me.
What makes that hard to understand?
What makes that wrong?
But, that said, here I go:
I learned I had epilepsy when I was around 16 (30 years ago! ik!), when I had (what was called then) a grand mal seizure in front of my parents. This is how it was for me: one minute I was laying on the couch watching "The Prince of Central Park" on Channel 9, the next I didn't know where I was, I was strapped down and couldn't move, I may have been hyperventilating, and there was a guy in a blue shirt at my feet telling me to calm down (yeah, that was going to happen). Then I was in the Midwest City Memorial Hospital's Emergency Room with my parents, who were in a state I'd never seen before (and never wanted to see again). OT, they told Mama and Daddy they thought I was on drugs. After that debacle, Mama took me to the family doctor, I had an EEG at what I thought was a mental institution. I remember when he told me, he said I'd have to take these pills. I asked for how long, and it's like his answer echoed in my head: "For the rest of your life." I then knew I had actually had it most of my childhood.
Now we fast forward to around 84/85. A friend at work had a baby (I knitted a beautiful crimson bunting for her). I developed rabid BABY FEVER. I had been taking Dilantin faithfully ever since, but didn't want to risk birth defects. My ob/gyn at the time suggested going off Dilantin about 6 months before I got pregnant to get it out of my system and give me time to see if, and how bad, I have seizures. Well, I didn't quite wait the 6 months, I stopped taking Dilantin in September of 85. No seizures, stopped taking birth control in January 86, and BAM! I was pregnant (again OT, the last time I enjoyed sex with my ex). October 15, 1986, the most beautiful, big, healthy boy on the face of the planet was born (well except for the minor meconium aspiration thing)!
I can't even begin to imagine not taking The Pill during that time period. I can't begin to imagine just leaving it up to fate. Children should be wanted. Parents should be as healthy as possible (hell, I gave up coffee - which my son doesn't believe). Why can't people understand you MAY want to have sex without creating children. Sex is fun. Sex is healthy (yeah, I need to repeat those two over and over again now). I wanted to make sure I was healthy and he had the best environment to grow, both inside and outside of me.
What makes that hard to understand?
What makes that wrong?
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
I'm Done, Dammit!
I'm done looking for a job. I'm going to do the temp job for Southwest Airlines, and be happy as a clam for 4 months, starting next month. And while nothing may come of it, at least I'll be doing something I like (talking to people without being shy, making reservations instead of pushing something they may not want).
Looking for a job is hard. Especially when you realise you need to do something specifically suited to you - and you don't have a clue as to what that is.
Depression, low self-esteem, and shyness are all counter productive to the job search. I mean, I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out with pliers than do an interview.
"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
Um, alive? Still living in Guthrie? Getting close to older than dirt?
"Tell me about a time where..."
Oh, just kill me now! I don't know! I've worked in call centers for 13 years. Taken hundreds of calls a day! I try not to take my job home. Take Hertz in the summer, there are calls on hold when you get there, and there'll be calls still on hold when you leave. And they're willing to hold so they can talk to a real person, personable and knowledgeable. God forbid the company spring for enough people to be on the phone in the first place. At the end of that day, you hope you made your customers happy, but you're numb. You don't want to do anything, but go home and sit. And I'm supposed to remember specifics? Is my ego supposed to be sooo big, that I (truthfully in my own mind) can say that company is afloat only because of me?
No, that's not me.
I can do any call center job. But it's like I said while I was at Hertz, everywhere else is everywhere else, the only place I'd (it turns out willingly) leave Hertz for is Southwest Airlines. I have that chance, if only for 4 months, and I'm taking it.
Looking for a job is hard. Especially when you realise you need to do something specifically suited to you - and you don't have a clue as to what that is.
Depression, low self-esteem, and shyness are all counter productive to the job search. I mean, I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out with pliers than do an interview.
"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
Um, alive? Still living in Guthrie? Getting close to older than dirt?
"Tell me about a time where..."
Oh, just kill me now! I don't know! I've worked in call centers for 13 years. Taken hundreds of calls a day! I try not to take my job home. Take Hertz in the summer, there are calls on hold when you get there, and there'll be calls still on hold when you leave. And they're willing to hold so they can talk to a real person, personable and knowledgeable. God forbid the company spring for enough people to be on the phone in the first place. At the end of that day, you hope you made your customers happy, but you're numb. You don't want to do anything, but go home and sit. And I'm supposed to remember specifics? Is my ego supposed to be sooo big, that I (truthfully in my own mind) can say that company is afloat only because of me?
No, that's not me.
I can do any call center job. But it's like I said while I was at Hertz, everywhere else is everywhere else, the only place I'd (it turns out willingly) leave Hertz for is Southwest Airlines. I have that chance, if only for 4 months, and I'm taking it.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Coming Down, Kinda
Don't feel as good as yesterday, or the day before.
I'm trying to get myself into that job-getting mindset I had a month ago. But it's just not there. Target said no, Books-a-Million gave me the brushoff, Dell's just dicking with me, AOL said no (not really sad there), Cingular said no, pretty far down on the register for the state jobs I put in for. I still have the temp job for Southwest Airlines coming up in April for 4 months, but, to a degree, I won't believe I have it until I'm in training. So, I know I should still be looking for a job. I know I desperately need a job, I just don't want to. Like I said, it's just not there. I'd rather do some volunteer work, like teaching people to read. How cool would that be?
What the hell is wrong with me?!
Of course, now's about the time I wished I believed more in God. I used to. While I've never had religion (it's what's wrong with the world), I had boatloads of faith(and faith is a beautiful thing). But it's kind of seeped away.
I also wish there were things as psychics, so I could ask them questions, talk to Mama, Daddy, Grandma.
I'm trying to get myself into that job-getting mindset I had a month ago. But it's just not there. Target said no, Books-a-Million gave me the brushoff, Dell's just dicking with me, AOL said no (not really sad there), Cingular said no, pretty far down on the register for the state jobs I put in for. I still have the temp job for Southwest Airlines coming up in April for 4 months, but, to a degree, I won't believe I have it until I'm in training. So, I know I should still be looking for a job. I know I desperately need a job, I just don't want to. Like I said, it's just not there. I'd rather do some volunteer work, like teaching people to read. How cool would that be?
What the hell is wrong with me?!
Of course, now's about the time I wished I believed more in God. I used to. While I've never had religion (it's what's wrong with the world), I had boatloads of faith(and faith is a beautiful thing). But it's kind of seeped away.
I also wish there were things as psychics, so I could ask them questions, talk to Mama, Daddy, Grandma.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Karma Rocks!
A couple of things. I have now joined the 21st Century - at this moment, I am blogging from H&H Gun Range, while the Hubby blows away paper bad guys (and, yeah, I wouldn't mind blowing away paper bad guys, but, hell, look what I'm doing)! Faster than the crappy-ass dial-up I'm stuck with at home. What I have left now, I guess, is posting pictures, and doing some design work on the look of the blog.
No, I haven't officially got a job yet, but I will be getting natural gas royalties soon, and recieved a little chunk for a pipeline they put in. Like I said, Karma rocks! I was able to pay bills, able to get gas and get the hell out of the house. My niece's son is having a birthday party on Saturday, at my sister's new house. Life is good. And right now, it doesn't matter that I don't have a job. I can breathe, if only for a while.
I've been reading, a LOT, lately. If I can't enjoy my world, I can enjoy someone elses. Reread all my Harry Potter books (and have come to the conclusion that the barman at the Hogs Head is Dumbledore's brother - and Dumbledore knew Snape was going to have to kill him and encouraged it, but I don't know why). I read Maus by Art Spiegelman (WOW, just WOW), 1776 by David McCollough (it just puts you there), A Man Without a Country by Kurt Vonnegut, am reading Collapse by Jared Diamond. And in big book news, have finally found the book I foolishly gave away about 15-16 years ago, my favorite book in 8th Grade: Papillon by Henri Chariere. The book that gives us the famed Papillon Effect, in which you always see the movie before reading the book, so you can actually enjoy both. Like I said it was my favorite book, then I learned they were making a movie of it (starring Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman) - movie sucked. But I might have enjoyed it if I hadn't read the book first. Anyway, I'm keeping it forever this time.
I feel GOOD. I even feel like knitting!
Better go, almost out of juice.
No, I haven't officially got a job yet, but I will be getting natural gas royalties soon, and recieved a little chunk for a pipeline they put in. Like I said, Karma rocks! I was able to pay bills, able to get gas and get the hell out of the house. My niece's son is having a birthday party on Saturday, at my sister's new house. Life is good. And right now, it doesn't matter that I don't have a job. I can breathe, if only for a while.
I've been reading, a LOT, lately. If I can't enjoy my world, I can enjoy someone elses. Reread all my Harry Potter books (and have come to the conclusion that the barman at the Hogs Head is Dumbledore's brother - and Dumbledore knew Snape was going to have to kill him and encouraged it, but I don't know why). I read Maus by Art Spiegelman (WOW, just WOW), 1776 by David McCollough (it just puts you there), A Man Without a Country by Kurt Vonnegut, am reading Collapse by Jared Diamond. And in big book news, have finally found the book I foolishly gave away about 15-16 years ago, my favorite book in 8th Grade: Papillon by Henri Chariere. The book that gives us the famed Papillon Effect, in which you always see the movie before reading the book, so you can actually enjoy both. Like I said it was my favorite book, then I learned they were making a movie of it (starring Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman) - movie sucked. But I might have enjoyed it if I hadn't read the book first. Anyway, I'm keeping it forever this time.
I feel GOOD. I even feel like knitting!
Better go, almost out of juice.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
One Month
Actually, yesterday was one month.
I may have a temp position with really good pay, but it's not scheduled to start until April 10. I'm now signed up for Food Stamps (which aren't stamps at all, but a debit card). I guess I'm doing ok, but I feel so in limbo.
I'm still twisting in the wind with Dell and Target. Haven't heard yes or no. Of course, not hearing no is kind of a good thing. I'd rather just wait for the temp (it's at one of those places I've wanted to work at a loooong time). Of course, just living on The Hubby's disability is hard. I guess I'm just slightly discouraged.
To Balance out my karma, I gave blood yesterday (O neg). You know when they say to take it easy for a few hours? They're right. I walked the dogs when I got home, but Ziva, the Dachshund puppy wouldn't come in. Then she discovered the grey stray cat that hangs around, and decided to give chase. Telling the dog it wasn't "her cat (Whiskers)" didn't work. Down into the creek with me running behind her, she finally lost the cat. But still wouldn't come to me. Until I started calling, "Here kitty, kitty!" So, by the time I get back to the house, I'm so dizzy, I'm about to pass out. But I did wait until I was in the utility room before I fell down. Now I have a bump on my head, and my karma better be straightened out.
I may have a temp position with really good pay, but it's not scheduled to start until April 10. I'm now signed up for Food Stamps (which aren't stamps at all, but a debit card). I guess I'm doing ok, but I feel so in limbo.
I'm still twisting in the wind with Dell and Target. Haven't heard yes or no. Of course, not hearing no is kind of a good thing. I'd rather just wait for the temp (it's at one of those places I've wanted to work at a loooong time). Of course, just living on The Hubby's disability is hard. I guess I'm just slightly discouraged.
To Balance out my karma, I gave blood yesterday (O neg). You know when they say to take it easy for a few hours? They're right. I walked the dogs when I got home, but Ziva, the Dachshund puppy wouldn't come in. Then she discovered the grey stray cat that hangs around, and decided to give chase. Telling the dog it wasn't "her cat (Whiskers)" didn't work. Down into the creek with me running behind her, she finally lost the cat. But still wouldn't come to me. Until I started calling, "Here kitty, kitty!" So, by the time I get back to the house, I'm so dizzy, I'm about to pass out. But I did wait until I was in the utility room before I fell down. Now I have a bump on my head, and my karma better be straightened out.
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