I've been really, really depressed, well I'd say lately, but it's actually been months. I really need to see a doctor and get put on a good antidepressant, like Lexapro, but that costs money I don't have.

I'm at the point where I know I need to write, but I don't have anything to write about, that I haven't already spewed on.

I guess I have to face it: I don't write well.

Well, of the family news, the Hubby has a sleep study tonight. His oxy just isn't working anymore, but since the doctor is moving to a new location in November, we're waiting until then to see him. At least he can go. My son, Jimmy, has a graduation ceremony from the Naval Nuclear Power Training Command on December 1, I got the invitation today. Hopefully, I'll have some kind of oil/gas money by then to be able to go. I really can't handle NOT being able to go! He wants us to help him buy a car to take to the next class location in NY. I'm sooo proud of him!

I wish he could be proud of me.

My Dream Job

I had the interview for said dream job today, Library Technician I at the blind and disabled library near the capitol. And the more I heard about it, the more it seemed like it was meant for just me. Actually there are 2 opennings, one involves making recordings of books, the other more librarian-ish. Could there be anything more perfect?

One problem, entry level though it is, I don't have any experience in audio making things. And, of course, the only library experience I have is as patron. The interview itself went very well, I think, I was friendly, open, only mildly terrified, and smiled and laughed (naturally!!) throughout. It left me with a high (again naturally!!) that lasted until just about an hour or so ago.

Yeah, that's my dream job alright. One is like reading for money (I can do out loud), both are being in a library all day long - how cool is that?!

And as cool as it is - I don't think I'm going to get it. Let me tell you, they interviewed maybe 10 people total, nobody - and I mean NOBODY - wanted more than I. But, again, there's the experience thing I went into above (yeah, I should cut and paste that part here, but hell, noone reads this anyway). So, now I falling apart - again.

We have no money - the Hubby has prescriptions he needs that we don't have the money for (and yeah, I mean the piddly copays). The oil money could show up anytime from now to Christmas - can't it happen now?! And it's all my fault!!

I did give blood today (and once again they had to stick both arms - little veins). So, maybe it'll work it's karma magic and something (ANYTHING!!) good will come of it.

Happy F'in Birthday To Me

Life bites.

Blogging the Library, Again

Yeah, well. I had a job interview yesterday. I'm pretty sure I tanked the interview. That's my problem, I don't interview well. It doesn't matter that I can do any type of clerical-y, customer service-y, call center-y job out there - you have to prove it in the interview. My mind and my body turn in to jello (human-flavored gelatin in case somebody complains about the copyright infringement). I was shaking. I'm pretty sure I was sweating. And maybe answered too truthfully for comfort. The Hubby says I shouldn't mention anything about my past problems with depression. Well, I have one more interview on the 19th, let's see if I screw that one up.

Sigh. I feel sooo worthless.

And stuck. Stuck in Guthrie.