My Rogie-Dogie

A horrible thing happened on Saturday afternoon. I feel responsible. My husband feels responsible. Now I'm just numb.

Our wolf hybrid, Cheyenne, who Randy moved just last week, killed our Dachshund, Rogue. In front of me. I'm an accomplice to a murder.

Bubba was woofing, wanting to go out. I know he really didn't want to potty, he wanted to "hang around" Cheyenne. But Bubba's kind of like Bart Simpson, and keeps on woofing until he gets his way. So, we all went out, Bubba and Cooter on leashes, Rogue and Heidi loose. Since Cheyenne had been moved to the place we usually go down to the creek and to the "back back", I was going to go a different way. But evidently Rogue had forgotten Cheyenne had been moved, and ran straight for her. And that's how quick it was. I ran over, yelling "NO! NO!" I still had a death grip on the leashes, so Bubba and Cooter were in tow. Cooter started to yelp, not because he was being attacked, but because he's scared of her already. Heidi tried to put herself between Rogue and Cheyenne. And Randy had ran out, and had to beat on her to get her to release rogue. But it was over. We laid her to rest in the back yard. I said the 23rd Psalm to myself, well, what I remembered of it. And cried, and cried, and cried.

I blamed myself, Randy still blames himself. And Cheyenne is going to be put down, or given away. We don't really blame Cheyenne, it's her nature. But who's next? One of our cats? Cooter? Or maybe a child who comes into the yard?

To be honest, it's not the way I thought she would go. As I have said before, I have an entourage when I walk Bubba and Cooter. I just walk to the next corner and back. When a car comes, I can hold the bassetts back, would run in front of it. So I had to call to her, sweetly so she didn't think she did anything wrong; then squat down and point to the ground in front of me, all so I could pick her up before the car came. And cars go way to fast on the roads here at Meth Lab Estates. Like last night, I swore I was going to be run over and I was on the opposite side of the road, almost off the road! That's how I thought she would go, she's kind of a knucklehead.

You know, she was named Rogue after the X-Man character, because she was the puppy who did everything first - out the box, on to the sofa, etc. Being a dachshund, she acted as though she were a much bigger dog. You'd have to catch her, because she would run out and bark ferociously at the biggest dog. And because she was teased mercilessly by a neighbor who wore a ball cap all the time, she hated guys in hats. Even those she knew, if they came in wearing a hat, she'd bark at him until the hat came off.
Whenever she wanted something, food, water, or to potty, she did a little dance you had to interpret: she'd spin around in the living room, go up to the kitchen and spin around, and then stand on the kitchen steps and stare at you. And she repeated if you were dense enough not to understand. We called it her "bee dance".
And she loved to see her Grandma. She loved to take walks with us in the pasture. She would run with abandon, completely happy.
She was also a cold natured dog. Any time you covered up with a blanket, you got the little black-and-tan dog, too. Since the door to our bedroom didn't close right, all she had to do is run down the hall and throw herself against the door to open it, then she jump up on the bed and whine until she was under the covers, between us. I usually got the toenails.

She was a wonder. She'll be missed.

**UPDATE** Cheyenne has had a temporary reprieve. Only if Jason's friend, Tommy, her previous owner, can find a home for her by next Monday

OH...MY...GOD

Two things...

1. Ok, I don't know where to start with this. Their insurance has NEVER talked to us personally. They've spoken only to the body shop. So, it was the body shop who told Randy about the 80% thing. When I got home yesterday, Randy had put the days mail in a pile by his chair (and the dogs had spread out from there). I noticed something with my name on it, but my name was slightly misspelled - no idea who it was from. I opened it up and it was a check from their insurance for just over $4,000 for 80% of the damage to the Tahoe. Saying we were pissed just doesn't go into it. We've gotten screwed and didn't get to enjoy it. Needless to say, we are not cashing the check. It's being sent to our lawyer.
2. And on a happy, but still aggravating, note: Jimmy got his ACT scores in the mail yesterday. Of course he saw them at school, but I only knew the composite score (30!). That itself is on the 97th percentile! Jimmy's comment was that that meant there was 3 percent better than him. His lowest single score was science (24), which was on the 80th percentile! Some of them he topped out! I am soooo proud! Aggravated, but proud.
   

Update to Yesterday

Ok, I'm not sure I told this yesterday, but the girl's insurance told the body shop they think they're only liable for 80% of the damage.

RIGHT!

Randy spoke to the body shop today, they told him they're trying to total out the Tahoe. But it's doubtful that would be enough to buy a new car. So he's seeing a lawyer today. And we're still getting advice from his brother.

Oh, I'm in training. It started this week, and will go on for like 2 more. Learning international travel, tours and such. I'm temporarily on an 8:30 to 5:00 shift. You know, I may be an early riser, but I do not like to jump and run. I like to ease into my day. This shift bites. I am wiped out.

My husband got a copy of the police report today. And it shows... wait for it... failure to yield the right-of-way! So, why is their insurance dragging their feet?
Oh, Randy's brother, sorry no love lost, studying to be a lawyer, wanted to see the accident report, because we may be partially at fault if we didn't try to avoid it enough(?!) - right. I just want it over with. I want the Tahoe repaired. I don't give a hoot in hell about any extra money for pain and suffering, or mental anguish - I just want it over.

I have learned from my son's school counselor that he is a potential Academic Allstater, but the application has to be postmarked by Dec. 3. Jimmy's kind of bummed because a couple of his scores are lower than when he took the ACT test before. And Jimmy feels he has to apply for the Academic Allstate, because, since I've been in contact with his school counselor, he states she's "all mad" at him. I told him I think she has a reason to be mad at him. He's at the point where I have to push him out of the nest, and he either has to fly or fall to the ground. And no, that's not easy for me. But, because I was depressed and ultra-shy, my parents went out of their way to protect me. They just wanted me happy.
I don't want him to fritter away his future. I understand that it's close, and it's scary, and he doesn't have a clue as to what he wants to do. I'm actually cool with all that. I want him to go to college!

Post-Accident Update

The doctor finally called Randy back yesterday. He said the X-rays showed degenerative disc disease, but no additional injury. The accident aggrivated it. Randy said he already knew about it, though it was news to me. According to what I've read, it's pretty common. Happens naturally when we get older (although Randy certainly wasn't old when we first found out about his spine).

We, and the Body Shop, still haven't heard anything from their insurance. Ours is ready and waiting, but we didn't want to have to use it - IT WASN'T OUR FAULT (not to beat a dead horse, but she had a stop sign - we didn't). So, Randy is thinking of getting a lawyer. Yes, it may be necessary, due to their feet dragging, but, geez, does it leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Let Me Scream It From The Mountaintop...

My son got a 30 on the ACT!!

redux

My anxiety level is, again, through the roof. It's hard to get myself going and do something. Randy heard from the doctor (himself), unfortunately it was when he was at his Mom's. So now they're playing telephone tag. Of course I'm at work and don't know what the hell is going on.

This doesn't seem normal to me. I have been taking my pill, for the most part.

And, no I haven't worked on the novel (short story) lately. I just don't feel like it.

There's Not Enough Food

To satisfy my hunger.

Randy had his lower lumbar x-rays today. My not flat, non-bendable hubby had to lie on a flat table. He says they did give him a pillow, which he doubled up. He said they griped about that. And he says he's been sweating all day. And the last time he did that was when he was in the National Guard and had all those stress fractures.

Shouldn't he be in the hospital or something?

Through the Roof

My anxiety level, that is. My husband's pain is getting worse. And now he can twist! He hasn't been able to do that in over 5 years! And while, on the surface that may seem to be a good thing, it bothers me. Randy's going to the doctor today, but I don't know if I can get off to go with him. Luckily his son has today off. Do you know how much I HATE putting my job ahead of my family?! I'd like to say "My job be damned! My place is with my family right now!" But that could be counter-productive. I doesn't serve any purpose to lose my job (no matter how much it annoys me). I just wish I could take some time off (preferably with pay), without jeopardizing my job.

My husband is the strongest person I've ever met. He's the one who laughed at a broken ankle (and the thin leg bone). It just breaks my heart to see him in such hideous pain. Pain I don't actually think can be eased.

I don't want to be here today.

**UPDATE** I'm taking half an occurence (which does put me on a written warning), so I can be with the Hubby at the doctors. Since I do the majority of my blogging from work, that means Goodbye for today.

Second Post

Up and Running!!

Bizzaro World Update

The tahoe is now at the body shop. Our insurance is being great (so far). Their insurance is saying it was OUR FAULT because of INATTENTIVE DRIVING.

Excuse my language, CROCK OF SHIT!!

She had a stop sign, we didn't - period.

When Did I Slip Into Bizzaro World?

Evidently my husband got called by every chiropractor in the Greater OKC area yesterday. They told him he didn't need money, that they'd pick him up, etc. Wild.

But even wilder, he learned from our insurance agent "Chip" (I kid you not), that the grandfather of the girl who DIDN'T YIELD THE RIGHT-OF-WAY is going to get a lawyer.

Excuse my language, but, WTF?! She didn't yield the right-of-way! We were going east-bound of 122nd Street and we had the RIGHT-OF-WAY!! She cut in front of us!

And we still haven't heard from her insurance! Some dude named Raymond is supposed to contact us. Nothing. And this is difficult for me, because I work in Moore, roughly 45 miles from home. And I work in a call center, so the only time I have to make calls are on my breaks.

Oh, and just now, we had to get off the phones for about 15 minutes, for a tornado warning. The tornado in question was nowhere near Moore, it was around NE 50th and Hiawassee - northeastern Oklahoma County. Moore is in northern Cleveland county, south of Oklahoma county. Gosh, these people are skittish!

My First Post

Of my blog novel is up here! I'm sooo nervous!

**SIGH**

I had a car accident on Sunday, around noon-1pm. A girl was trying to go straight across 122nd Street from the I35 service road to the State Commuter Parking Lot and we were going west-bound on 122nd. Me and the Hubby, who was driving, and 3 of our dogs, Rogue the dachshund, Cooter and Bubba the bassets were in our '95, 162,000-plus mi, paid for Tahoe. 122nd is a 45-mph street, but since we had just pulled out of a Shell station (we got pops), I don't think it was up to speed yet. Randy jammed on the brakes, but there was no where to go. Yes, we were wearing our seatbelts (everyone has asked that). It was a pretty soft contact, considering. One thing that bothers me, Randy's airbad didn't deploy. Isn't that thing supposed to go off in a 5-10 mph wreck? I mean our front end hit her rear passenger quarter?

Luckily noone was seriously hurt. I spent most of yesterday going with the Hubby to the doctor, and then to get X-rays. Randy's in a lot more pain, he's got a pinched nerve in his shoulder that makes two fingers in his left hand go to sleep. He gave him another muscle relaxer and some steroids. It could have been a lot worse. With Randy's spine fused, it may be a good thing the airbag didn't go off. And to think, he thought of taking my Kia, because of the gas mileage.

About my job, I guess I still have it. I haven't heard otherwise (yet). I did learn today, that if either of us had gone to the hospital, the absense would have been excused. Randy's mother convinced us to go to our regular doctor, rather than the emergency room, because he knows all about Randy's problems.

They haven't told me to leave. And they haven't come to my desk with empty boxes (yet). But they also haven't told me my job is secure (for now).

Oh, and to top it all off, because we forgot to put the insurance verification form in the car, we got a ticket. Which meant first we went to our insurance agent and got replacements, and then I got to go downtown (the Hubby doesn't like to go downtown when his feeling good) to show them to have the ticket dismissed.

It was a long, tiring day.

Oh, yeah, me and the dogs are ok.

I Have A Feeling

An odd, hopefully wrong feeling that I'm going to be fired.

**SIGH**

It's Over

The Hubby is satisfied.

I'm disraught.

The world has turned into a hateful, mean, intolerant place.

I have said many times, I have no religion. I don't, but this is my profession.

I'm Sorry

My depression is kicking my rear end this week. The only thoughts in my head are self-defeating. I know my anti-depressant isn't the greatest, but I guess it does some good. The fight to keep up my resolve is so tiring. And I wonder if I'm worth the effort.

You know, when Jimmy was 5(or 6), I went through my post-divorce, post-icky-bad-rebound-relasionship depression, I used to love watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood with my son before he went to Kindergarten (Eastside Elementary in Midwest City, We lived in the area then, so he was in the afternoon class). He told me everything I needed to hear.

And earlier, in my childhood depression, my Mom was perennially perky one. I didn't believe her, but I needed to hear it.

I guess, now at (ick) 45, I should be secure. I shouldn't need Mr. Rogers or my Mom (I wish she were here - pre stroke) to boost my (non exsistent) self-esteem. How I envy confident, outgoing, optimistic people. I am none of those (except I'm optimistic when it comes to my son, and I try to be for my husband).

Yeah, I probably need to go to the doctor (Jesse Ray Campbell). A waste of $20.
I guess I should say "I'm worth the money!"

right.

I Had A Fight

With the Hubby this morning. Actually it's becoming all the time anymore. And it's such a silly thing - he's a Bush supporter and I'm avidly Kerry.

And, No, goddamnit! I am not backing down.

I may be right, but I'm the one torn apart by it. I just feel sick. I know I ought to go ahead and spew everything that's roiling inside me, after all that's kind of why I started this blog (with 1 reader!), but what's the point? God! What's the point of anything?!!

I am sooo worthless.

**UPDATE** I feel a little better now. Not much, but a little. I'd like to say it'll be better after we vote, but we voted early on Saturday (to accomodate his mother) at the County Election Board.
**SIGH** I still don't feel like anything.