Sunday, January 20, 2008

Kiss My Ass, Cap One

Did I tell you I got a new oil lease? Well I did. I'm not as happy as I was in 2005. But I think that's more a screwup in my head than anything. Because I should be, it maybe only temporary, but I should enjoy it while I have it.

Anyway, I've had problems making my car payment since being unemployed. And as a shy person, I'm easily cowed by the calls and the pressure. My son helped me bring it up to date once, but it got behind again before I started at Wally World. They wanted me to make him do that again. I said no. They want me to pay either over the phone or through Western Union. I said no. They're threatening me with repossession, even though I may be behind, I pay what I can and regularly. Well all that ends. IT ENDS. I wasn't actually planning to pay off the car with my windfall, but they're pissing me off. So. I called them. I asked what the payoff is (waaay too much for my POS), and I'm sending them a check on Monday. Then my POS will be MY POS.

yay!

Hopefully, I can save a chunk of it this time. At least to pay the taxes on it next year. I don't really want anything. I'd like to travel. I'd like to see my friends again. I HATE losing track of people. And I have a lifetime of that. My sister seems to keep in touch with all of her old friends. I'd like to have a party. A LOUD party. A loud, rockin', raucous party! One that guarantees the dog woman next door would call the sheriff.
Seriously cool.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The Hubby starts his couselling today. Hurray!! I hope something will come from it. I guess it would be too much to ask for to have him let go of his past.

Not much is going on in my life. I'm getting an assload of money any day now, but, as I've said before, it's not making me happy, the opposite in fact. My job is secure, but it still seems weird to be going backwards in my "career". And I DO mean "career" loosely, I've never really done anything that suited me, I've always just had "jobs". I mean I don't know what I was supposed to do when I grew up. Is it too late? I'd like to go to college, but I don't have a head for math. Can I cherry pick the classes I take (which I would have the money for only this year)? I'd like to travel, but I don't have a reliable car (and, again, I'd only have money this year). I'd like to be on The Amazing Race (with David from Cendant), and on the View, but let's face it, I'm a shy, quiet nobody from nowheresville, Oklahoma. I'm 48 years old, and I feel life is passing me by, and it royally pisses me off.

Well, dogs want to potty. I'd better go.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Has It Been Two Whole Months?

Geez, where has the time (and my energy) gone?
I'm still cashiering at the old Stillwater Wally World. I got to see firsthand an after Thanksgiving sale. I had never bothered with them as a consumer. It was really interesting to watch. There were some good buys. I was an extra cashier in Jewelry. I had a 5am to 2pm shift that day. It was just kind of freaky to see how many people were waiting for the sales to start. It seemed to me that it wasn't as busy as it should have been, and that was confirmed by others who'd worked previous "blitzes".
I don't get on the internet as much as I would like to. Free time, slow computer, and dialup internet service seem to be conspiring against me. And I know I need to write more, but it's like it's not there, it's slipping away.
Randy is the same. He signed up for (hopefully) a Part C gap insurance so he can get the surgeries he needs this year. Starting with his shoulders bone spurs. And then maybe hip replacements. Oh and starting next week he'll be seeing a counselor for his depression (yay!!).
Me? I still don't seem to have much of a life. I think I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm getting some more oil lease money (more than last time!) just after the new year. But instead of making me happy (like last time), I'm just apprehensive. I'm not sure if I should pay off my car. I know I'll be able, finally, to pay the taxes on 2005, and hopefully put back enough to pay this years. But, this time, I don't think it's going to make a difference in my life. I can't move. I can't get a new car. I can't really do anything with it. Whatever I do, It'll be gone before I'm ready, and then I'll just go back to the way it was before. My life - in shades of grey. I want color, but I'm not sure how to do that.