The Storm of the Century

I was confused. It looked horribly bad outside my Wal-Mart on Thursday, and yet my store was filled. I could only see the blowing snow, but people kept coming in and coming in. When I got off at 4:30, I didn't know whether I should attempt to go home, I live in Guthrie, yet work in Stillwater, or get a hotel room in Stillwater in the night. I had learned the Interstates were closed, and yet I went home anyway. South on State highway 177 to State Highway 33. Wind blowing 90 to nothing, snow in blinding clouds, I made my way slowly home. I went almost sideways a couple of times. There was a big truck (at the time I thought it was a semi, but it was a big delivery truck) following me, too closely at times, taking the same lines in the road I was. The road was mostly empty, there were a couple of vehicles coming at me, which I didn't like at all - since I was in the middle of the 2-lane higway most of the time and couldn't tell where the edge of the road was, and didn't want to fall into a drift and get stuck.

I guess it's at this point I should tell you, I wasn't in my Kia. I'm driving my M-in-L's Ford Explorer Sportrac. Why? Well, this time I'm pretty sure it's my fault. My rear brakes were at a metal-on-metal scraping point, I told people, but not good enough I guess. Anyway, on my way to work (a 40minute drive), I'm almost there, I hear a clunk, like I ran over something, then something scraping like I'm dragging it along the ground. I pulled over and got out, but saw nothing obvious, so started on to work. Then I smelled something burning and my brakes stopped working. Now I think (but I'm not sure) my front brakes are working, but not well. I managed to get to Wally World without other incident, but had the Hubby pick me up. And so it sits until we can get somebody more able bodied than the Hubby to take his trailer and pick it up. Because I am not driving it without brakes. Period. I would like to think it's just something simple (and cheap), but I don't think it is.

Anyway, back to the point. I left work at about 5pm and got home about 7pm, normally a 40 minute drive. Then I got the stupid truck stuck at the top of our (at that point of view) downhill driveway. The Hubby came out, got it unstuck, and plowed it onto the U portion of our lawn.

I was happy to be home. We did manage to go to the M-in-L's house on Christmas, with the Tahoe, which needs engine work (at least a tuneup), got it stuck on a big drift covering the driveway. Happy times. I tried to get the minivan out this morning to go to work, but no go. I feel kind of guilty. Like I should have made more of an effort. But with the Hubby's bad arthritis, I don't want him to hurt himself helping me, and we don't think the Tahoe will make it to and from work. And one car stuck at Wal-Mart is enough. Hopefully I can get out tomorrow for work. I can't go without money.

Well, that's my Storm of the Century story, what's yours?

Wow. I haven't wrote a word since September?! What's happened. Well, let's see. In October, my alternator went out. That kinda hacked me off, since it was still relatively new. So, new Alternator, new belt, new bolt and I'm back on the road. Two weeks later, yes that's right, TWO WEEKS LATER, the belt broke, the bolt broke and it's back in the shop. Now it's about a month later, the belt broke AGAIN, this time on my way home from work, so my poor aging (8 years old now) Kia Spectra (a 2002 - one of the worst crash test results ever) sat forlornly a the new Stillwater Tractor Supply for about a week, maybe less, until I could buy not 1 but 2 new tires for the Hubby's dovetail trailer so we could pick up my car and deliver it to the mechanic. Which we did today. The Mechanic (ok, technically his son, since it's a family affair) is bumfuzzled, said it sounds like something is locked up. Yay!! First my air conditioner compressor (or whatever) locks up (so yes, no AC, no defroster), what now? Sounds like time to get a new (to me) vehicle. Can I get one for free? I can afford free!

My son sent me some yarn from Australia, 4 skeins of wonderful, orgain wool, so soft, you just wanted to smoosh your face in it. I've made 3 hats out of it, a little bit of 2 colors left. Oh he also sent me a skein of hemp/wool blend, it feels icky, but would make a great shopping bag. I made one itchy hat out of it. I also got a boomerang.

My husband has discovered facebook, so now I can't be completely open there. I'm so tired. All I hear is guns, killing, and right wing wackery, day after day. I just don't want to go home sometimes. Then I feel bad about that. I just wish I mattered to someone.

Well someone other than me. I may be my own bestfriend, but I could use someone other than the voices in my head. You know as a cashier, I see guys buying stuff for their ladies, cards, flowers, jewelry, and such. It would be nice to be thought of that way. Sometimes I think the Hubby would be happier with a robot wife.

sigh.

More Ranting

Well, for right now, anyway, my left boob is fine, but I go in February to get an updated mammogram and possibly ultrasound. And then get the regular full set in August. Whew!

I'm pretty good at freaking out and I did for a good while. But then I declared myself fine, and I was.

Well physically anyway. Mentally....I'm not so sure. I'm not sure I should be worried about depression yet, but I've been sad a good long while. I just don't know if I should be worried about it yet. Because I'm not. Really. But I DO feel bad. My husband is turning into a right-wing wack-a-doo. I keep feeling that I would do better alone. But I'm already alone, and I can't stand it. I lost my $7.00 silver intertwining heart wedding ring, purchased a month or two after we got married from Randy's longtime friend Ron Couch, who told us he was moving to Arizona. I don't know when I lost it. I noticed it was lost Thursday, while I was working in the Garden Center. sigh. They, jokingly, said that meant my marriage was over. again, sigh. It just seemed like another one of those things. I'm happy to have a job, but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I ought to have a second job. Yes, that would send me completely around the bend. But that doesn't matter, we could use the extra money. It would be nice to have somebody to dump on. But I hate to do that! Deep inside me I have that happy, perky optimist that wants to see everybody happy. Everybody but myself, I guess. I just wish I mattered. Me being a part of the background is some, but not all, of my own doing. I'm not good at confrontation. Hm. Here I am ranting, yet saying nothing. I feel slightly better.

Shadow

I finally had my first mammogram on Monday. And it is just as uncomfortable as I've heard. I had it done at the women's center place behind the Heart Hospital at Mercy. They were very nice, very professional. The fact is, though, you get your boobs squished down so they can take (granted, digital) xrays. Can guys have their testicles xrayed the same way? Please?!

Tuesday afternoon, they called me.

The radiologist (or whatever the doctor who officially looks at them) saw "a shadow" on my left breast. I have to have more pictures taken and an ultrasound done. They offered the next day, Wednesday, but I decided to wait until my next day off, next Tuesday afternoon. I spent a good day or two freaking out. Then I decided that worrying was not really helpful. I still hear that term "shadow" echoing around my brain. I've also decided that it's nothing, but on the off chance it's not nothing, I think I can handle it. Whatever it is. But it's nothing. Really.

Oh, and while I was leaving I caught a glimpse of my right boob's xray. It may be old and kinda saggy, but it's still nice.

Life...Bites

I know It's been a while but, hell, noone reads this anyway. I have heartburn, have been sad for while, and the hot flashes are coming, well, hot and heavy. My son is unhappy in the Navy. My husband and I are 180 degrees from each other politically, and that's driving me nuts. You know I can pretty much get along with everybody. I just don't let anybody know if I disagree with them. I mean, if we're having a nice conversation, what's the point of boogering that up? Isn't that what's great about America? That we're so blessedly different? We're not the Borg. But if I disagree, do you have to rub my nose in it? Geez, give me a break. It's why I haven't scheduled a vacation yet. My days off are bad enough.
I'm living paycheck to paycheck. But I still blow too much money. I hate to cook. I like to keep the Hubby happy, so if he asks for something, I generally buy it. The last being an electric bass guitar so he can keep his fingers, well, fingering. So far, I can't really tell how he's doing. It's a bass. It goes thump. He tries to keep tempo, but that's hard when you're first learning.
I'd like to go to college, but I don't really see that happening, moneywise and smartswise.
I'd like to travel, but I don't have the money, and I'd worry about the Hubby and the Children (dogs and cat variety).
I hate feeling so alone, isolated in Guthrie.
I know if I Do do things, I'd need to do them alone. That in itself doesn't bother me, what other people think of me just doesn't matter - it's how I feel myself that bothers me.
I'd still like to be on "The View". I'd still like to have my dream house. But I don't see either happening.
I'd like to be making more money. But I don't see that happening either. My life is as it is as it will be. Home. work. Home. repeat.

Yet Another Life Lesson and Star Struck

First the life lesson - Don't stab yourself with a knife. If you want to separate frozen hot links with a paring knife, don't hold them in your non-dominant hand while you stab at them with your dominant hand (holding the paring knife). Don't! Put them down. Put. Them. Down. Now. Have a frozen pizza or something that doesn't involve a paring knife. Lesson done.

Now for the exciting news! They are filming "The Killer Inside Me" here in little, old Guthrie, Oklahoma! Have heard through the grapevine (i.e. my Mother-in-Law who works at my bank in downtown Guthrie) that movie people are staying at the Stone Lion Inn, a bed and breakfast on the west side of Guthrie, near the filming site. Of course have seen hide nor hair of anybody. I remember when they were filming "Twister" here (OMG! ages and ages ago!), I saw their caterer buying food at the Homeland grocery store, God! how snotty was he?! Seeing as how my life generally goes from home to Stillwater and back, the only time I'll see the stars, will be in the movie itself. sigh.

Oh and finished a book called "The Court of the Air" by Stephen Hunt. Very Good.

Mother's Day Bites

I see all these ads and flowers, plants, cakes, jewelry, etc., and I just want to cry. Nothing like that is going to happen to me. My son is in Japan, or else somewhere on his ship. But even if he was here, he doesn't remember my birthday and it's two days before his! He is a good kid, but he is a guy. Hopefully, at some point in his life he'll get involved, if not married, and the significant other will remember all those dates. So I'll get something for my mother-in-law. I've got some ideas. I know I'm just being a whiney baby. It would just be nice to be remembered.

Not So Cool

So, I've now joined Facebook and Twitter, besides MySpace. And yet, I'm just not, well, together enough for any of it. You know, hence the name, Ms. Not Together. And I don't get nearly enough online time. That was the one great thing about the Cendant Years, the constant internet time. Of course, that was also why I was fired. Not that it had anything to do with job performance. My job performance sucked because the job itself had sucked my very soul very nearly away. Anyway, I like Myspace because I can blog on it. Facebook and Twitter I haven't really got the point of yet.

Anyhoo, the Hubby, got sick over the weekend. Hacking and coughing and hocking up disguting lugies. He tells me he's spitting up blood (ew), but no, he doesn't need to see a doctor. Now it's Wednesday morning and he says, I need to go to the doctor. His doctor was full but he got in pretty quick to a collegue. Kinda freaked her out when he told her he wants to die. Anyway, yeah, it's pneumonia. And he was just a hair's breadth away from the hospital. Well, he's still kind of a hair's breadth away. To me he seems better that yesterday. So maybe the highpowered antibiotics will knock it out.

I TurboTaxed my taxes last week. OUCH! I do pay for last year's bounty. I did save some money expressly for paying my due, it just turns out I didn't save quite enough. However, if I use some of the Honda hail damage money, we'll be ok. Of course that means we'd have to put off repairing the Honda hail damage, which we technically don't have the money for anyway, since we have a $1,000 deductible. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I have lots and no money. Oh well, que sera, sera.

What the Hell....

Just what the hell am I supposed to do?! Grovel at the Hubby's feet, looking up adoringly, vapid smile on my face, breathlessly waiting for his next order?! Am I not supposed to have a mind of my own?! I am NOT a STEPFORD WIFE (creepy original movie, not stupid remake)! Can't I be my own person, and be loved as such? Damn.

Well, I got that off my chest. I wish... no forget that. Wishing's useless, you know it's not going to happen. I'd just like to get out of the house, do something other than go to work (not to knock it, so far it's life saver - even though I'm just a cashier at Wally World). I feel soooo alone.

Life Lessons

It's amazing that there should be life lessons such as the following, because you'd think it would be common sense.

WHEN YOU'RE ON A SMALL ONE-LANE HIGHWAY (SUCH AS HWY 33 IN PAYNE COUNTY), DON'T
1. PASS A BUS
2. PASS IN A NO PASSING ZONE.

Yesterday, Friday, Feb 13th, at about 7am, The Meridian Technology bus was headed toward Agra to pick up a student (or students), a person, no a MORON, attempted to pass in a NO PASSING ZONE, he was not wearing a seat belt. He hit another person head on, who was also not wearing a seat belt. Both were killed, the bus driver injured, but not very much, I think. It's tragic. Nobody had to die. It was just common sense.

In other news, no life lessons involved, severe weather on Tuesday, Feb. 10. Tornados touched down in Northwest OKC and in Edmond, and later in Lone Grove (8 or so people dead). We had hail after hail after hail, and on and on, like, two inches of hail, sometimes up to, well I saw golf ball size, it was said to be up to tennis ball sized. Which is possible, there are two good sized holes in the skylight in the bathroom (luckily the skylight is double layered, and the inside layer is fine). My car, yes, was hammered unfortunately so was the Honda. Yes, the Honda. When it first (of many) started to hail, Randy cried out to God to stop it. He cried out that he couldn't have anything nice. Now we're crying out to GEICO. I guess I need to contact the home insurance for the skylight, I guess. I'm kinda clueless on that one. No life lessons. A garage would have been nice. A carport, even.

Other than that, nothing much going on. Home, work, work, home. I haven't had many hot flashes lately. Period's come back gangbusters, not unlike the periods of my twenties. Well, minus the premenstual zit. OMG, can I stop gushing blood?! I'm not having babies, hellfire I'm not really having sex (except with myself) anymore, too much pain, too many pills on the Hubby's part. That's ok.
I've been kind of sad lately, possibly related to the perimenopausal crap. Not my usual percentages: 40% happy, 40% neither happy nor sad, 20% sad. More sad, less happy. Being 49 is kind of sinking in. I had always thought I was meant for something. I know that's not true. My life is what it is. I wanted to travel, but I can't do that. I'm not really going to be on The View. My, now moonscaped, pitiful Kia has to, pretty much, last forever. I can't count on any more money coming my way. I'm in a hole and I don't see a way out