I am in the Middle Class, instead of Upper Lower class. I've gotten a part of my oil money, and yet, it still doesn't quite seem real. It's like it could disappear in a pouf. I'm kind of afraid to spend it. I have this weird thing about money - specifically me spending money on myself. It's almost a phobia. I get this weird feeling feeling that if I spend money on myself, bad things will happen.
This goes back to when the Hubby had his motorcycle shop, while it operated on a loss the entire time, I supported him all the way. But mine was the only paycheck. We had a Jeep repossessed (they came in the middle of the night - and the dogs didn't bark, they had to be afraid - which meant, to me, they were carrying guns), then the remainder of the note was garnished - taking a third of my take home pay. It came down to do I feed my family, or pay my bills. We attempted a bankruptcy (against my better judgement), but all that happened was a lawyer (yes, I still know his name!) ripped us off, and our credit got screwed up (and the silly bankruptcy didn't even go through). This is also around the time my father went in for a routine back surgery (there is nothing routine about surgery when you're a hemophiliac) and came out paralysed from the waist down, and a little later my mother died.
Circumstances are better, well different, now; the shop is gone (I miss it, even though it never made money), the Hubby is on disability (when he filed, everyone told him he'd have to get a lawyer, that noone goes through on the first try. Randy did. In fact at the Social Security office , Randy was asked, "How do you move?!"), but he's not in a wheelchair (yet). So, I'm getting by. Winter's are usually a little rough (I usually pray for freezing weather), but not this year. This year, it can be warm.
This year, I can relax.
Yeah, right.
No comments:
Post a Comment