Just Two More Weeks

Two more weeks at SWA.

The looming unemployement is pretty much knocking me on my ass. Today's Staffing so far has been very unhelpful. Not to mention my raging PMS.

I guess I'm bitter. I kinda have a right to be bitter, in February I was full of righteous indignation over being unfairly (but completely within their rights) fired, now I just feel useless, worthless. I don't feel like I can get a job. Just worn down to a nub. As I've said before, getting a job and doing a job are two different things (unless you're a used car salesperson). I can do the job, almost any job (though mostly clerical and call center), but I just feel incapable of getting it.

Y'know what I'd like?

Really?

I'd like to win the lottery. To not have to worry about having a job or paying bills or deciding which bills I'm just going to ignore. To be able to go places and do things with the Hubby, while he's still mostly mobile enough to enjoy them. To be able to go to school just for the sheer joy of learning. To be able to buy the land the Hubby wants to disappear on (but still within an hour of the city), and build my hippie house on it. To have cars we want, instead of cars we can afford. To volunteer to teach people to read or be a docent at a museum. I want to be able to go to the doctor when I'm sick. My doctor not just any doctor. To be able to get prescriptions (say, the antidepressant, Lexapro).

I never want to have to worry about being unemployed EVER AGAIN!

No new news. Just feeling sad and alone.

Playing With the VidCam

Here I am! Not quite as ugly as usual! Ready for the Big Time!

Oh, and dig that Mona Lisa smile!

Some Random Musings

I don't understand the whole Israel, Hamas/Palestinian, Hezzbolah (however you spell it) thing. There are no good guys and no real bad guys (I mean really bad, bad guys), just a bunch of people overreacting. What do you do? It doesn't seem really right to support one group over another. Israel's going to exist whether you want it to or not. Palestinians have a right to respect and live their lives and vote for whatever stupidheads they want to (hello! we do that all the time!). I'm not real sure where Hezzbolah falls into the loop, but they seem to be among the fundamentalists that treat women like crap. Like, can someone tell me why it's women's fault that men are attracted to us (well not me particularly), that some fundies tell us to cover ourselves up or ugly ourselves up? Don't men have any restraint on their own?

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Something like 4 more weeks at Southwest Airlines. Thanksgiving is now open - and almost sold out. Flights are starting in Dulles early October, but, alas, not Charleston, SC. I learned they can make you come in on your day off to work mandatory overtime. I feel like I've dodged a bullet. But I'm not looking forward to looking for a new job. I don't know if I can rely on the temp service to drop something wonderful in my lap. And I'm still pretty nil on the self-confidence level. Self-hatred levels have lowered, but not elimanated. Social-phobia level still pretty high. Right now I'm still in cruise control. Hoping something will drop out of the sky.

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Oil/Gas money hasn't started rolling in yet. I'll still belive it only when I see it. And yet I hope it's alot, and lasts for a long time. That way, if I don't get a "good job" relatively quickly, it won't matter. And I might do something else that matters to me, like adult literacy, or reading to kids. And, I still get my own version of the Beverly Hillbillies theme running through my head:

First thing you know ol' Pattye's a millionaire,
the kin folk say, "Pattye, move away from there,
Gaillardia's the place you ought to be,"
So we loaded up the truck and moved to OKC-

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I've switched the story running through my head to yet another one, one of my oldest. It also has no real end. Yet in this one the middle kind of falls apart, too. But I still like it.

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I've decided I like Jari Askins for leiutenant Governor. At least SOMEBODY learned from current and future Governor Brad Henry. And I'm glad I'm not in the 5th district. I would vote for unnamed democrat before any of the GOP clones (not to mention that I would do that anyway). But geez, they all say the same things, not a one can think for themselves. And channel 52 took off Magnum PI for Mick Cornetts slickly produced HOUR LONG tribute to himself. We get it! you prefer Mick!! Of course I also remember you aired the Swift Boat crapola too. Just bring back Magnum, and leave off politiking.

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I haven't heard from my kid lately. Which means I'll have to call him. Which I hate to do because I don't want to bother him. I want him to have a life of his own, but I want to hear about it from time to time.

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Barbara Walters people haven't called me yet. I'm sure it's just an oversight.

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I finished a really, freakin' fantastic book day before yesterday: A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore. OMG!! It's amazing the Guthrie Library would have it. Hat's off to you.

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Well, gonna go now - kinda drained out my mind for now. Need to go put more crap in it.

I've decided that however devastating being turned down by Southwest Airlines (for NO GOOD REASON!!), and it was devastating, it was for the best. There are just too many things I don't agree with: mandatory overtime, really low starting pay, 3 weeks unpaid training (who can afford that?), few, if any, paid holidays (I know of 2: Thanksgiving and Christmas), almost guaranteed bad hours and odd days off, no mute button, no putting customers on hold, in fact I think the phone system is way out of date.

And yet, like Hertz, they really know how to treat their customers. Would that they could give their employees similar concern. At least Southwest is unionized, I don't think they really understand call center issues, though, or they just kinda roll over and play dead. And of the airlines, at least the ones I've dealt with, Southwest is tops. No extra change fees when you change a reservation, no $5.00 charge when you call the res center instead of booking online, your res agent will be in the US, and will know every airport SWA flys to.

I guess one of my main gripes is the treatment of employees with mental illnesses. Yeah, it's going to affect the way we do our job. Although, for both Cendant (Trilegiant, Clientlogic), and Hertz, it didn't so much affect my job performance (not at all for C,t,c) as affect the other arbitrary rules. The more I think about it, the less I feel being let go was justified.

But water under the bridge. I am kinda worried about how it will affect me getting a job. But on the otherhand, and completely unrelated, my completely forgotten about land in Roger Mills County now (on the portion with 7 heirs), has an oil/gas well on it. Oil/Gas royalties to follow. Rock. Maybe it'll be enough where I don't have to worry about getting a job quick when the SWA temp job is over.

In other family news, the Hubby thinks his arthitis is spreading to his rib cage, and starting to calcify them. Jimmy, my son, is now in his 2nd of 3 nuke classes in Charleston, SC. I have a niece going to have her 2nd child, a girl, in September. It's already all scheduled, since she had a caesarean the first time around. My sister is in her new house now, on a wooded acreage near Newalla. She and her husband both work at Tinker, so have money out the ass. But hey, more power to them. It's a tough place to work, and they've been there forever.

And I've also decided I need to be the new fat chick on the View. I think introverted, social-phobic, depressed women with low self-esteem are sorely underrepresented on tv. I have opinions, it just may be pulling teeth to get them out of me. I would consider myself well-read. I'm a quick learner. I don't mind being on camera, as long as I don't have to look at myself. I'm not ugly. So, Barbara, Ms. Walters, I'm here, come get me. Because the thought of me putting myself out there, kind of makes my stomach upset.

Hertz said "No, you can't come back here, you stupid, little woman. We don't want people like you." I'm paraphrasing.

I tried to explain my problems with depression and social anxiety keeping me from filling out their stupid form. That I didn't want to quit (well, without having meaningful employment). That life post-Hertz has been kinda crappy.

Didn't matter. I didn't give any notice when I quit.

And that's that.

As to what I do know, I don't have a clue. Right now I don't think I could make any kind of decision if my life depended on it. I can't trust myself to make it right.

Well, I may be really down on myself right now, but I'm still not crying. That's something. And I really didn't want to go back to Hertz. Beyond August 11, I need to be doing something. But right now, I feel like one of those dandelion seeds you blow off the puff, being blown along with the wind. Where will I land? And will I germinate?

Not In the Mood To Blog...

But, hey, I'm not crying!

Of course my period started and that could be part of the reason I reacted as I did.

The answer is....


no. No matter how well I am doing the job at this moment (and let me tell ya, I ROCK), I am not good enough for a permanent position at Southwest Airlines. Buuuuttt, I can apply again in six months!!! YAY!!

And now, it's a little hard to go to work. To top it off, they're offering more hours, up to 37.5 for the week until the end of the assignment. Since I kinda do need the money, I do the extended hours, even if my entire existence wants to say, "Screw you!"

I've heard tell you can't go home again, but that's exactly what I've attempted: I went back to Hertz last week and put in an app. I didn't get fired the first time out, I quit. And I didn't really want to quit, either. I just wanted the time off to settle my head, having finally crashed in June of 2000, after my mother's death in February of 1999. But it was like I was locked inside myself at the time, unable to tell my (then) doctor I needed more than 2 weeks off (aside - I had been off of work by then for about 3months, first I didn't get the form from work for the short-term disability, then when I got the replacement, the (then) doc only put down two weeks), and also unable to explain to Hertz Hoohahs that it wasn't money, I just wanted the time off and then was ready to go back to work. I had myself in a tight little box. I officially quit in October of 2000. If I had had the foresight to put 2 weeks in the future on that form, all this would be a moot point.

So. Now I am yet again at the point where I am to "THINK POSITIVELY". Kind of a foreign concept to me. But I am trying. The problem being getting a job and doing said job are entirely different skills. One I have not at all, the other I have out the ass. I'm almost at a point where I don't think I can get any job.

Hertz, give me a chance!! I did a great job, before my mother died. I never wanted to quit, I just wanted the time off! You know I can do the job!! Let me prove it!!

Still Being Punk'd by God

A week ago, after posting, I got the phone interview. I thought I did well, I thought I explained my firing by being honest, and explaining my problems with depression. Her last words to me were that I would either be called to schedule the in person, in depth interview or I would get the thanks, but no thanks letter.

I still haven't gotten the thanks, but no thanks letter, but everybody else who was in my training class got an interview scheduled right then on the phone. I was crushed. ok. My psyche was fragile enough already. So, except for when I was on the phone with customers, I been, pretty much, crying constantly. It's not a perfect job, I understand that. There are things about it which I don't like, low starting pay, few holidays, no mute button, no putting customers on hold unless you're calling a CSR. I liked it, and I was good at it.

Now they're telling me that I should be optimistic, that I don't know what's going to happen. Well, I do know that they're considering temps from other cities, whose center isn't hiring over me. Oh, they just called so-and-so just today (Friday), they can still call you. Keep doing a good job. have a good attitude.

God, I could scream. I can't be optimistic, I'm. A. Depressive!!!! I've had 3 major depressions in the last 3 years, each one worse. Life has no meaning for me. Yet I'm supposed to pull happy thoughts out of my butt?!

I guess I can kind of see their point. People who've never had a major depression just don't understand. It's supposed to be so easy to keep a positive outlook. They don't know any other way.
Well. Neither do I.

I can't chase rainbows. With the Hubby on disability, everything is on my shoulders. This means I have to, yet again, start looking for a job. A permanent job. And I hate looking for a job, I'm not good at it. I really suck at interviews, yet here I go again.


Maniacal laughter ensues.

Yes, I had to go through the whole rigamarole for SWA, posting resume online, and such, even though I'm already in the building, already doing the job. I did it. I decided I'd jump through their hoops. I understand what I'm in for, lousy hours, midweek days off, mandatory overtime, having to work the few official holidays, I'm game for that. I like the company, and I like what I'm doing. Yes. My sanity may be in question.

I get a note from my temp agency saying I'm going to be called in the next two days between 3:30 and 8:00 pm to schedule an interview. Wasn't called Wednesday or Thursday, and by Friday I was getting antsy. Friday I was given a packet to fill out, application, drug and felony junk, so still feeling like I'm jumping through their hoop, but maybe getting somewhere.

Now it's Saturday, still haven't been called for the interview (and, yes, DAMN IT, I'm already doing the job, why do I have to jump through the same hoops as Joe Nobody off the street?!), still need to finish filling out the app junk.

This is making me CRAZY. I want THIS JOB. I'm damn good at it. I actually enjoy it. But it doesn't do my shakey sanity any good to have my head messed with this way.

Any way.

My husband still hasn't checked himself into SHARE and St Anthony's yet. He did, however, find out that Medicare only pays 50% for mental health, so that kind of screws us. He doesn't just need anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills thrown at him, he needs therapy, too. Damn.

Part of me says he should just go ahead and do it, and just not pay the bill. That actually kind of works for me. Medicare is supposed to be there for him, all of him. I've had lots of doctor and hospital bills from the last year or so. The copays I couldn't pay used to bug the crap out of me. Was, in fact, one of my anxiety hot buttons. The last time I was in therapy, aside from learning I couldn't control my husbands feelings, was I'm not going to worry about those bills. Should I pay them? Yeah, but they're not the priority, that's the mortgage, car payment, utilities, last years taxes (yike). What?! Are they going to make my credit WORSE?!

HA, HA, HA, HA, HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Oh, god! Now that's funny!

So Out of the Loop...

Is Corndog back yet?


I guess that's a no. Anyway, still temping at Southwest, which MAY become permanent, but I don't want to jynx it. Even though it's crazy busy, I love every minute of it! My mind is trying to make me go on my kiddie rollercoaster again, but so far I'm resisting. I still think I may be bipolar II.

Jimmy was supposed to come home on leave tonight, but his flight out of Charleston was delayed past his connecting flight in Houston. Now it's tomorrow afternoon. Arrgh!

The Hubby needs the 4 days I had in the Booby Hatch last September, but will he? NOOOOO! Too proud, don't need it, don't have the money (true), blah, blah, blah. The one thing I DID learn the past September, his feelings are HIS FEELINGS. Understand he's in constant pain. Understand he's only going to get worse. But the feeling sorry for himself, annoys the piss out of me. He's better than that.

Since I've been busy, not to mention happy, I haven't been paying much attention to the news. Have we gotten rid of Bush, et al, and the rest of the Borg party yet?

Seems Like Forever

...since I've been here. First, let's have a moment of silence for Corndog's taking his huge talent home. I understand the motive, but the selfish brat (not that far down) in me just thinks it's sooo unfair.



Ok, really not much to say. Still temping at SouthWest Airlines. It's busier than sin - and I love it!! It may prove to be permanent, but I won't say more just yet, I don't want to jynx it.

The Hubby is in more pain than ever, but all I can do is sit back and watch.

My son has finished his first round of classes at Charleston and will be coming home on leave Friday. YAAY!!

And that's it!! I haven't had a whole lot of time to be on the internet, so I'm way behind. But, damn, I like being happy, being employed, and being happily employed.

later...

I'm Being Punk'd by God

That's kind of the way it feels.

My celphone display went on the fritz, so now I have a loaner from the M-in-L with my simcard in it.

My paycheck wasn't direct deposited on Friday like it was supposed to. One of the few times I was glad my M-in-L, who works at our bank, snooped into our account. I called my temp agency. They would look into it they said and get back to me. Later, while I'm walking the dogs (or, more likely, they're walking me) in the back-back, I hear something ringing. Sounds like some celphone, close but not real close. So, after looking around, I realize it's MY celphone. My temp agency tells me I was at the bottom of a list and didn't get processed. OOPS!! You'll get your pay by Tuesday.

Well, yay. I guess I didn't need it anyway. It's not like my car payment, the electricity bill, the natural gas bill, the phone bill are late!! Oh, wait...

And the Hubby isn't doing so good. Pain is overwhelming, depression almost at a breaking point, and I get to sit back and watch.

One good thing is my job, temporary as it is. I start on the phones Monday morning. I'm anxious and excited at the same time!! I was declared class Valedictorian, and given a really cute ceramic Southwest jet that holds paperclips, now in a place of honor on our entertainment center.

I tell people I'm going to do the best job that I can, as long as it lasts, and worry about August (the scheduled end date) in August. But who am I kidding? I'm going to love my job and expect it to go on forever and be crushed when it doesn't.

I'm being punk'd by God.

Not much to say.

I am temping now at Southwest Airlines, still in training but it's freakin' great!!

But I come home and crash. All of the worthless feelings seep back in. I may have gotten my first check, but it paid my mortgage. Normally the Hubbys Social Security check pays for it but I had to get car insurance (having lapsed the two months I was unemployed). My car payment will be my next check. Hopefully, I can some, if not all of the gas bill, phone bill and electric with the check after that. and it's starts all over again.

Right now, I'm drowning!

If I can get to work Monday afternoon, I'll be ok, I guess.

Odd Thoughts

Bubba's period of mourning (our late lamented Cooter) may be over. Finally. He's acting happier, eating more, and eating up our hugs.

Cletus is finally starting to blend in with Bubba and Ziva, he's actually wanting to play with Bubba sometimes! That freaks Bubba out kinda, but it's a slow process.

Ziva's potty training is excruciatingly slow. You still have to put her outside after she wakes up from a nap, but her pottying outside is kind of hit and miss, going outside is too much of an adventure (other dogs to bark at, cats to chase) and she forgets the reason she's actually outside.

I've been really, really sad lately. "Life's not worth living" sad. I'm trying to hang on, but it's so difficult. I know I have the SWA temp job starting next Monday. I have an orientation meeting tomorrow. I just don't believe it's going to happen. And even if it does, IT'S JUST A TEMP JOB. I'll have to go through this hell all over again in August.

I'll be sending my tax return off sans payment. Yeah, bad news, but I have no money. Yeah, I should've saved when I had it, but I didn't. So I screwed myself.

I really HATE myself. I am such a loser.

Anyway, finished Papillion, read the Hobbit (for, like, the thousandth time) and found three books cleaning out Jimmy's car: 2 Stephen King Dark Tower books (1 and 2 oddly enough), and Dostoyevsky's Brothers Karamozov. So I'm toying with Dostoyevsky right now. If anybody reads this: is Brothers Karamozov a book for a seriously depressed person to read? I really need to be in somebody elses world.

Cryin' Time Again

To borrow a phrase from the late, great Buck Owens. Ya know, Hee Haw was the Energizer Bunny of it's day - it went seemlessly from CBS to syndication, and all the while it was on I'd just cringe and ask myself, "Are they ever going to cancel this?!" But, REALLY OT, Roy Clark had the same smile as Daddy.

I found my kid's myspace.com space - it's under jimtheplatypus. My finding it kind of embarassed him no end, so I emailed him and said I wouldn't go there anymore, just write him either snail mail or regular email.

It turns out I have a myspace space, too. I really, REALLY don't fit in. I say in my mind it's because I'm so old, but the teen and twenties me wouldn't have fit in, either. But at least the teen me would've had someone to talk to. Being able to talk to someone without their seeing you is so freeing. They don't have to know you're a gargoyle.

I finished City of Falling Angels by John What'shisname - the guy who wrote Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Ehh. Readable but not interesting to me, but I don't know what to call it - pedestrian?

Have started on Papillon by Henri Charriere - my favorite book in Eighth Grade. True-life adventure, a little social commentary and light years beyond the movie.

If you haven't noticed, I'm kinda reading constantly, not unlike when I was a depressed kid. I can't say I want to die (well....), but living is such a drag. Nobody really believes the SWA job is going to happen - until it does. I do have another job interview tomorrow, but I'm not really interested. I have to do some research on the company today - but it just doesn't seem right for me.

But what the hell do I know? I've been unemployed for two months. My bad days are outnumbering my good days now (riding the ol' kiddy roller coaster of emotion, deep dips but no highs). And healthcare for me is a luxury I can't afford. I get so envious of the Hubby's medicare I can hardly stand it, but I hate feeling that way, because of how the Hubby even gets medicare in the first place. Like the Hubby says, we're in hell.

Two weeks and we'll see.

Two Reviews

I just finished Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed by Jared Diamond.

A very important precautionary tale, but only providing people pay attention. This is the second book by Jared Diamond I've read. I also read Guns, Germs and Steel. Funny, GG&S took me about a month to read, and I confess, I didn't completely finish it, I got to the last couple of chapters and declared myself done. So finishing Collapse, to me, is a big deal.

If I ever get enough dough to build my dream house, I'm definitely going with what the Hubby calls "the Hippy House": Strawbale infill, though I would prefer either loadbearing strawbale or cob, passive solar design, radiant underfloor heating, bamboo, linoleum or cork flooring, solar power but on grid (so extra goes back to the power co).

I've also finished Bob Kerrey's memoir, forget the name, it's in the living room and I'm in the retreat. A good book, I really can't say great. I wish the Hubby would read it, there's such a correlation to his life, but I doubt he will. While I can't say it's great, I do recommend it.

Weiging in on Birth Control

Yeah, I'm dipping my toes into the political arena. I'm not really good at it. Unlike those to the right. I know how I feel, but I'm not good at expressing it. I'm better at emotions. Hell, I spent alot (alot!!! HA, HA, how about all?) of time navel-gazing. Being introspective may not be interesting, but it's what I do.

But, that said, here I go:

I learned I had epilepsy when I was around 16 (30 years ago! ik!), when I had (what was called then) a grand mal seizure in front of my parents. This is how it was for me: one minute I was laying on the couch watching "The Prince of Central Park" on Channel 9, the next I didn't know where I was, I was strapped down and couldn't move, I may have been hyperventilating, and there was a guy in a blue shirt at my feet telling me to calm down (yeah, that was going to happen). Then I was in the Midwest City Memorial Hospital's Emergency Room with my parents, who were in a state I'd never seen before (and never wanted to see again). OT, they told Mama and Daddy they thought I was on drugs. After that debacle, Mama took me to the family doctor, I had an EEG at what I thought was a mental institution. I remember when he told me, he said I'd have to take these pills. I asked for how long, and it's like his answer echoed in my head: "For the rest of your life." I then knew I had actually had it most of my childhood.

Now we fast forward to around 84/85. A friend at work had a baby (I knitted a beautiful crimson bunting for her). I developed rabid BABY FEVER. I had been taking Dilantin faithfully ever since, but didn't want to risk birth defects. My ob/gyn at the time suggested going off Dilantin about 6 months before I got pregnant to get it out of my system and give me time to see if, and how bad, I have seizures. Well, I didn't quite wait the 6 months, I stopped taking Dilantin in September of 85. No seizures, stopped taking birth control in January 86, and BAM! I was pregnant (again OT, the last time I enjoyed sex with my ex). October 15, 1986, the most beautiful, big, healthy boy on the face of the planet was born (well except for the minor meconium aspiration thing)!

I can't even begin to imagine not taking The Pill during that time period. I can't begin to imagine just leaving it up to fate. Children should be wanted. Parents should be as healthy as possible (hell, I gave up coffee - which my son doesn't believe). Why can't people understand you MAY want to have sex without creating children. Sex is fun. Sex is healthy (yeah, I need to repeat those two over and over again now). I wanted to make sure I was healthy and he had the best environment to grow, both inside and outside of me.

What makes that hard to understand?

What makes that wrong?

I'm Done, Dammit!

I'm done looking for a job. I'm going to do the temp job for Southwest Airlines, and be happy as a clam for 4 months, starting next month. And while nothing may come of it, at least I'll be doing something I like (talking to people without being shy, making reservations instead of pushing something they may not want).

Looking for a job is hard. Especially when you realise you need to do something specifically suited to you - and you don't have a clue as to what that is.

Depression, low self-esteem, and shyness are all counter productive to the job search. I mean, I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out with pliers than do an interview.
"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Um, alive? Still living in Guthrie? Getting close to older than dirt?

"Tell me about a time where..."

Oh, just kill me now! I don't know! I've worked in call centers for 13 years. Taken hundreds of calls a day! I try not to take my job home. Take Hertz in the summer, there are calls on hold when you get there, and there'll be calls still on hold when you leave. And they're willing to hold so they can talk to a real person, personable and knowledgeable. God forbid the company spring for enough people to be on the phone in the first place. At the end of that day, you hope you made your customers happy, but you're numb. You don't want to do anything, but go home and sit. And I'm supposed to remember specifics? Is my ego supposed to be sooo big, that I (truthfully in my own mind) can say that company is afloat only because of me?

No, that's not me.

I can do any call center job. But it's like I said while I was at Hertz, everywhere else is everywhere else, the only place I'd (it turns out willingly) leave Hertz for is Southwest Airlines. I have that chance, if only for 4 months, and I'm taking it.

Coming Down, Kinda

Don't feel as good as yesterday, or the day before.

I'm trying to get myself into that job-getting mindset I had a month ago. But it's just not there. Target said no, Books-a-Million gave me the brushoff, Dell's just dicking with me, AOL said no (not really sad there), Cingular said no, pretty far down on the register for the state jobs I put in for. I still have the temp job for Southwest Airlines coming up in April for 4 months, but, to a degree, I won't believe I have it until I'm in training. So, I know I should still be looking for a job. I know I desperately need a job, I just don't want to. Like I said, it's just not there. I'd rather do some volunteer work, like teaching people to read. How cool would that be?

What the hell is wrong with me?!

Of course, now's about the time I wished I believed more in God. I used to. While I've never had religion (it's what's wrong with the world), I had boatloads of faith(and faith is a beautiful thing). But it's kind of seeped away.

I also wish there were things as psychics, so I could ask them questions, talk to Mama, Daddy, Grandma.

Karma Rocks!

A couple of things. I have now joined the 21st Century - at this moment, I am blogging from H&H Gun Range, while the Hubby blows away paper bad guys (and, yeah, I wouldn't mind blowing away paper bad guys, but, hell, look what I'm doing)! Faster than the crappy-ass dial-up I'm stuck with at home. What I have left now, I guess, is posting pictures, and doing some design work on the look of the blog.

No, I haven't officially got a job yet, but I will be getting natural gas royalties soon, and recieved a little chunk for a pipeline they put in. Like I said, Karma rocks! I was able to pay bills, able to get gas and get the hell out of the house. My niece's son is having a birthday party on Saturday, at my sister's new house. Life is good. And right now, it doesn't matter that I don't have a job. I can breathe, if only for a while.

I've been reading, a LOT, lately. If I can't enjoy my world, I can enjoy someone elses. Reread all my Harry Potter books (and have come to the conclusion that the barman at the Hogs Head is Dumbledore's brother - and Dumbledore knew Snape was going to have to kill him and encouraged it, but I don't know why). I read Maus by Art Spiegelman (WOW, just WOW), 1776 by David McCollough (it just puts you there), A Man Without a Country by Kurt Vonnegut, am reading Collapse by Jared Diamond. And in big book news, have finally found the book I foolishly gave away about 15-16 years ago, my favorite book in 8th Grade: Papillon by Henri Chariere. The book that gives us the famed Papillon Effect, in which you always see the movie before reading the book, so you can actually enjoy both. Like I said it was my favorite book, then I learned they were making a movie of it (starring Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman) - movie sucked. But I might have enjoyed it if I hadn't read the book first. Anyway, I'm keeping it forever this time.

I feel GOOD. I even feel like knitting!

Better go, almost out of juice.