In Memoriam

Cooter


His suffering ended. Ours still goes on.


Even though I'm an agnostic leaning towards atheism, I'd like to think there's a doggie (or pet, as it were) heaven. Right now, he could be playing with our dearly departed Heidi, and Rogue, and Roscoe, and Watermelon. Or hell, he could just be a ghost and haunt us, moving around the toys and chewies he was unable to play with in his last month. Maybe standing on my chest at 5:00 am, to get up and walk him and Bubba.

I still love you, Toot.

One More Christmas to Go

Jimmy comes up from his dad's today, I just heard from him.

HORRORS!! I took a cel phone call at work! Come and take me away!

We haven't bought his gift yet, because we didn't know what to get. We could've gotten Serenity, but thought he would've gotten it as soon as it came out. Turns out he didn't. Other than that, we're not sure. Jimmy's suggesting glasses, to replace the ugliest (and, most likely, indesctructible) glasses on the face of the planet the Navy gave him.

I got to be with my family yesterday (too long according to the Hubby), which was nice. I wanted the Hubby to go, and they wanted to see the Hubby, but he's still being a gloomy gus.

And, speaking of being a gloomy gus, we were hoping to get beyond the holidays before thinking of euthanizing Cooter. He's eating less and less, and yips in pain when he tries to yawn. We don't want him to suffer, but we don't want him to die, either. Would you call that a Catch-22?

Hello....This Thing On?!

I need to rant, but I don't know what to say or how to start.

I need to talk to somebody, but I hate to bother people with my problems. I guess that would be one reason I tend to implode.

I hate my job. I Hate My Job. I HATE MY JOB. IHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOB!!

I hate my customers, the ones who get to travel, yet won't take resposibility for their reservations.

I hate my supervisors. It's always, say this, ask that, why aren't you on the phone, there are calls in queue. When, it seems to me, they should be appreciative that I'm neither on the floor in a little ball, crying; or shooting them full of holes (just supervisors - and NO!! I wouldn't actually do that!!).

And, again, my dog has cancer and is slowly dying. And, again, this is killing the Hubby, who is now taking it out on me. I'd like to say, "Get off my back!! You're pissing me off!!" But of course I don't, and, in fact, get mad at myself.

merry christmas.

bah! Humbug!

Empathy Bites

A Cooter-Patooter update:

He tires easily, but is still eating (soft food) and drinking. He felt good enough this morning to play with the cat, Whiskers (stupid name - but we got him at a year old and already named). And since losing Artie, I think Wickers (what I call him, the Hubby calls him Whiskey) is lonely, and likes even the clumsy attention of a big, slobbery dog.

This is killing the Hubby. So far, I can still be strong - if I don't think about it too much. I just wish it would go away! Can't cancer just spontaneously go away?!

OH, and my human son, Jimmy, 's leave starts the 23rd, but he goes to his dads first for a couple of days. But dad bought the tickets so it's cool. Dad's driving him up here for the rest of his leave and will fly out of OKC back to Charleston. YAY!!

Kinda Crappy Weekend

We got the results of Cooter's biopsy, and it's not good. Cancer and there's not much we can do, what was cut out will grow back. So far, Cooter's acting fine, almost back to precancer rambunctiousness. The M-in-L says even though he has cancer, we shouldn't be babying him. yeah. Hey! M-in-L, Kiss my large, white behind. We're going to love him and care for him the time he has left, however long it is.

I missed my psychiatrist appointment yesterday, but ask her to call in my prescription to my drug store. Need to see if it's there.

Really down today. Got into an argument with the Hubby over politics. He likes to listen to talk radio (gag!). I try to tell him there full of shit, but I don't get listened to.

It would be kinda nice to be catatonic for a while.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Just some different notes.

Maybe GM is telling the truth when it says the tripling of jobs in India is not moving US jobs oversees, but the timing can't be worse. It only seems suspicious. From tompaine.com.

Went to a co-workers "Winter Holidays & Apartmentwarming Cocktail Party" on Saturday. Got pretty blasted on Vodka and cranberry juice. Just 2 drinks, but pretty potent. Then I tried to mix myself a rum and coke, but with disaster. Too late the Hubby said, "That's too much rum!" I never did finish it, I kept putting more coke, and then diet coke into it. I tried a martini - yuck. I know alcohol is a depressant, and I guess it could've been a recipe (cocktail?) for disaster, being a depressive and all, but I was goddamned happy. Stereotypically happy. And no hangover and no puking the next day. Great time.

I have received and spent my "Surface and Damages" check (a couple thou) in regards to my Oil Leases (which is still kind of freaking me out a year later). I've now learned they're going to put in pipeline - and thus giving me another couple thou. The background is here, you have to scroll down to December 21, 2004. The "Surface and Damages" thingy is what the pay you for distubance of the property when drilling. The drilling company who paid us the "S&D" money is being sued by some other companies (no! fuck, I don't know!), so the actual drilling (and thus flowing of oil or natural gas) is delayed. That I could be some kind of Jed Clampitt in the future is unbelieveable. But I have modified the song:

Well first thing you know ol' Pattye's a millionaire
the kinfolk say, "Pattye, move away from there"
"Gaillardia is the place you ought to be"
So we loaded up the truck and moved to OKC.

In other news, my son's training has started at the Naval Nuclear Power Training Command. And he has declared himself "one of the dumbest people here."
SIGH.
You know it was cool when he was little that he was like me. But the older he got, I realized he got the bad things, too - the shyness, the lack of self-confidence. One time we were at the Little Sahara, in Waynoka, OK, with some kids who used to hang out at the motorcycle shop (died 2000). Jimmy and I were sitting at a picnic table eating chips and one of the kids was sitting by himself. I told Jimmy he ought to ask him if he wants any and he gives me a deer in headlights look. I said "One of us ought not to be shy!"
And Jimmy replied, "Why does it have to be me?"
"Because!" I thought but didn't say. It was all that was in my head, but not my heart. I didn't want him to have my weaknesses. (I offered the kid chips, he turned them down.)

We still don't know exactly what the mass in Cooter's mouth is, cancer or no, benign or malignant. We took him to the Veterinary Surgery Center. The doctor said he'd probably have to cut off part of the upper jaw and the teeth involved (at a cost of $1,200-1,400 - yow!). But, according to the Hubby, who took the message, Cooters red blood cell count was too low. So he cut some of the mass to biopsy and removed two back teeth. Cooter's still not eating hard dog food, but is gobbling soft food, and is being perky and happy again.

And it's my Friday!

A Mental Health - or Lack Thereof - Update

I'm at the end of my second month of Cymbalta. And while I'm not crashing and reaching for pills, guns or whatever, I feel so.... I don't know - Down? Yes, but more than that. Frustrated? Angry? Burned Out? Oh Yeah.

I wish I could feel like I'm worth a damn. Maybe that's the wrong thing - somewhere inside I know I'm worth a damn. Except for having a great son and Hubby, I don't feel like I've amounted to anything.

I'd like to have a well-read blog, like those on my list on the right. But I don't have the talent, just the profilagacy.

I'd like to get the 5 stories out of my head - but just because I like them doesn't make them any good.

I'd like to have a job I enjoy, that I make a decent living at. Hell, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Oops.

In my twenties, I was just making a living. It was okay, though, my life was still ahead of me. I just knew I didn't want a job that put me to sleep (as they usually did).

I spent pretty much all of my twenties in federal service with the Department of Defense - first in Outbound GBL's (government bills of lading - the shipping department) at Tinker AFB (the ONLY thing I'll ever thank Ronald Reagan for), followed then-husband to NYC and got a similar job, though a down-grade, at Defense Contracts whatever (can't remember the acronym), then lateralled to Defense Contracts whatever in Dallas when then-husband lost the job we moved to NYC for and got a crap job that didn't seem destined to last long. (oh, and Jimmy was starting to talk at that time - with a NY accent - and I thought, "No way in hell") Marriage is going downhill at that point, my eyes just beginning to open (actually I was in an avalanche, but didn't know it).

Now I'm approaching 30, the decade is coming to a close. My marriage has only gotten worse, and I no longer had any excuses for his abuse. And though the flex-time I had in Dallas really rocked, I hated my job. I was approaching ten years total in federal service, doing the same old shit with no advancement opportunities.

December 1, 1989, the worst day of my life.
I went to work and never went home. Then-husband (shortly to be ex-) and I had another fight the night before (and Jimmy was having recurring nightmares, and coloring mostly with black at daycare), He was driving me to the Irving DART (Dallas-area Rapid Transit) station where Jimmy and I took the bus downtown (Jimmy being at the federal daycare in the building next door to the train station). He was telling me what "my problems were". It was almost an out-of-body experience. I was quiet, just looking at him, asking myself "What are you doing?" I spent the day second- and third-guessing myself. I spent the night with a co-worker and my parents picked me up the next day. I spent a week back home. I almost went back. "I'll change, I'll go to counseling," he said. I went so far as to make air reservations, but then I realized that was just talk to get me back to the same ol' same ol'. Thats when I took off my wedding ring (that I bought anyway).

I went back to Dallas, living alone for the first time. I tried to make a go of it, but I guess I had changed. I was trapped at my job, but with RIF's (reduction in force) going on at Tinker and freezes elsewhere, not to mention that I plain-d hated that job, I decided to quit federal service and move back home. Dallas was just too close (of course, at the time, the moon was too close). With federal service, it's not what you know, it's who you know and the only place I knew people was NYC (by-the-by, loved the people, hated the city).

So, before moving home I temped for a while in Dallas, mostly at places I didn't want to work at. Now I did temp a week at Southwest Airlines headquarters - just stuffing envelopes for a frequent flyer promotion. It was like a different world. Management appreciated their employees, employees loved their company. I'd never before or since had an experience like that.

Moved home to Midwest City, OK in August of 1990. I temped for a while, but where I could make a living temping in Dallas, not so OKC. I had one crappy job (data entry - snooze) that they let me quit before being fired, temped some more, then in February 1993, just before my Grandma Ben died, I was hired as a reservation agent at Hertz.
At first I was like a different world, I could talk to people without being shy! And I enjoyed what I was doing! Well, at first, domestic reservations got real old, real quick. There's only so many times I could take: "Where do you want a car?" "Here." "Where's here?" "Oh, I don't know, the airport, I guess." I was going insane. I transfered to International. And again, another world, people from everywhere going to everywhere. And not much domestic backup. That didn't last long, soon we were doing domestic backup all the time. And of course, international is so different from domestic, we get rusty. Other things about Hertz bothered me, too. They treat (or treated) travel agents like they were made out of gold, but we were a necessary evil. A lot of the supervisors were never on the phone, they were hired from outside the company straight out of college. And yet, they had to tell me how to do my job. Right. And like all call centers, they give you sick leave, but it counts as an absence to take it. And they really didn't want you to stay more than 5 years (they'd rather pay new people less, than try to keep established workers). People would leave right and left when new call centers opened: Aol, Sprint, etc. But I knew it was a pipe dream. A call center is a call center.

My mother died in February, 1999. I kept on working, but my performance steadily went downhill, along with my mood. In June, 2000, one morning I woke up and just started crying. The Hubby said, "If you feel that bad, don't go to work."
I really tried to do the short-term disability with Hertz, but I ended up screwing myself. When I finally got the form (the second one - my mail sucks), I had been out for 2 months or so, but when I went to my then-doctor to fill it out - he only put a week down. I wasn't nervy enough to tell him off. Hertz let me quit instead of being fired. And if I had had the presence of mind to put down a date 2 weeks in the future, I could have been rehired later on.

So, now it's late 2000, and I've reached another fork in the road. I get a job at a place called Young America, that handles different companies rebates, contests and other promotions. It was a company that was more concerned with bodies in chairs, than caliber of employee. My client was RJ Reynolds, I handled Camel Cash and the Free Doral programs. As a non-smoker, who watched her smoker mother decline, you can tell how much I liked that job. It lasted just over a year. I told the Hubby I had to look for something else, and I wanted to do something I liked. I did once get to the point of almost starting a class with Southwest (who has - whatelse - a call center here in OKC), but they said "sorry, we don't need you, we'll call you later" HAH! Still waiting on that one!

The job I did get is the one I still have: January 2002, I became a travel agent with Cendant Travel. I discovered one thing, I can't sell. Well, I can't do the hard sell, if you want to buy, you want to buy. So I went to Customer Service. You would think that I wouldn't like being griped to constantly about real or imagined travel problems. Well, since I've crashed 3 times now (twice this year alone), maybe it just took time for me to realize.

I guess the question is - What Now?

I just don't know.

Hah! maybe radio!

Let's Say A Prayer For Cooter

Our Bassett Hound, not even a year and a half. After Thanksgiving I noticed him bleeding out of his mouth. A couple of times. The Hubby explained it as either a cat popped him in the mouth, or maybe he got a piece of bone stuck. But walking him and Bubba in the Back-Back, his mouth started bleeding again. With no plausible excuses now, I called and made an appointment with the vet. He showed me this black thing on the roof of his mouth. He said it could be either an infection or cancer, but he would need a closer, more probitive look, which could only be done with Cooter under anesthesia - to be done the next morning (today).

I should have went ahead and played hooky like the Hubby wanted.

It's cancer.

He's going to have to have surgery, maybe next week. It's not guaranteed to clear it up - it could grow back. The Hubby said the Vet was decidedly pessimistic.

But I've decided to be hopeful. My little Cooter-Patooter will be ok!!

YOU HEAR ME?! He'll be ok!!

Just Heard on the News

The GM plant here in Oklahoma City will be closing next year.

Y'know, The Hubby and I have been thinking about getting a new car. Of course, one he can get in and out of with minimal effort (you know he doesn't bend - you try to get in your car without cocking your head to one side), with good gas mileage, comfortable seats that you can dial out the lumbar thingy (yeah, again, the Hubby doesn't bend), and a relatively good ride - so we can take just going to the city or across the country to visit the kid, but isn't driven my 90 mile round trip commute - and no dogs in the car. We have a lot of cars we're considering.

Well. I think I can cross GM brands off my list.

WWJD?

I've decided that's the wrong question to ask. UberChristians can assign any action to Jesus, and feel good about it.

NO!

I've decided the the question to be put to them is:

Is that any way to treat jesus?

I think this is the verse I'm thinking of:

For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in,
Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? Or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? Or naked, and clothed thee?
Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
And the king shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, in as much as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

But I may be wrong, after all, I'm as religous as a doorknob.
OH, and I love this post by Deepak Chopra, via Huffington Post.

I'm Back....Reluctantly

I had a wonderful time, way too short.

We spent Wednesday and Thursday of last week driving from Guthrie, OK to Charleston, SC. The most striking thing was how much friendlier people were. Like on Wednesday, our last stop in OK, a Loves Station off of I40, I can't say the cashier was hateful, but frowny and uncommunicative. Made me want to tell her how sorry I was she had a crap job in Nowheresville, OK. Yes, I hate my job, but that doesn't mean I'm going to dis my customers (unless they dis me first!).

I guess the next thing that struck me was how beautiful and wooded the deep south is. We left I40 at Memphis, and went through Mississippi, Alabama (where we stopped for the night - Taladega County! Woo!), Georgia, and finally South Carolina. And my first look at "clear-cutting" : these ugly, dead spaces, littered with tree trunks. I was shocked. The Hubby said, "Well, they'll replant the trees."
That didn't actually make me feel any better. So, it'll be a forest again in...what, 20, 50, 100 years from now?
And the Hubby couldn't tell me if the vines I saw covering everything in Ms, Al and GA was Kudzu. I thought then how much I like it to cover up my front yard, inside the U of my U-shaped driveway - just scrubby grass, weeds and icky stickers. Then I thought kudzu might not like OK's hot arid summers and cold winters.

The Hubby finally stopped for the day, Wednesday, in Talladega County, AL. We stayed at a Days Inn, not a bad price - luckily not a race weekend. And, of course, best of all, we got to watch Lost and Invasion! I can't believe they killed off Shannon! True, kind of a weak character after Boone died, but still, what about Sayid (as played by the really hot Naveen Andrews - the background on my computer at work), they really haven't given him much to do this year? And Invasion is going too slow for me. I don't want it to be obvious, just a little quicker.

We got to Atlanta during rush hour on Thursday. It kind of freaked the Hubby out, but while sitting in traffic, we found a route we could take around Atlanta, it passed by the Airport, once on it, traffic died out.

The only other excitement on the drive, was actually in Charleston. I made the mistake of following the directions the hotel provided instead of what looked obvious to me. So, instead of taking the exit for 17N, I followed directions and got the Hubby off on exit 221b, where I26 ends. But we did end up doing a nice little tour of old Charleston, before finding 17N to Mt. Pleasant, across the Cooper River. What we didn't know at the time, was there's a beautiful new bridge across the Cooper River, just finished this past summer. And they're tearing down the old bridges. So, I think, and the Hubby disagrees, that the directions I was going by were for the old bridge. And our hotel was right there at the end of the bridge.

The only thing is - our hotel was about 15-20 minutes south of the Naval Weapons Station where Jimmy is for the next year and a half. He called us while we were somewhere in GA on Thursday, after graduation, but before he left for Charleston. He wanted to know if we wanted pictures ("angry, bald pictures," is how he put it) and which package we wanted. The cheapest was $90.00 (?!!!), and I said we'd pay for half. The Hubby still wants to put a picture up at Wal-Mart (and has ever since he saw a picture touting the pictured as a "wartime enlistee!"). Hopefully, our mailman will just give us a card so we can pick them up at the post office, instead of cramming them into our lockbox (we don't have a real mail box - at our house - we have the post boxes at the corner).

The really nice people at the Mt. Pleasant Visitors Center, right in front of our hotel, gave us directions to the Naval Weapons Station. And we found I526 fine, and likewise Rhett Blvd, But Red Bank Rd, that splits the base - we had a devil of a time. The damn streets aren't marked!!
Jimmy called us at about 10am on Friday, saying he was at a subway on base. Like I said, I526 - fine, Rhett Blvd. - yeah, but Red Bank Rd - well we turned on the first street that said it was the base - wrong. Got directions from the mp's. Actually passed Red Bank Rd (not marked, remember?), realized we passed it, turned around - then had to find the subway (which was easier than finding Red Bank - thanks to the MP's).
The Hubby saw him first. He was walking up the road in his dress uniform (the black sailor suit - it's actually wool), extremely short hair and the ugliest glasses on the face of the planet. Of course I gave him a big, long hug. It turns out his glasses didn't survive basics, and he didn't have any choice in frames (well, besides male and female).

We asked him what he wanted to do. I should have known: go shopping. He had money burning a hole in his pocket. He said he needed an iron and ironing board, because his stuff in his seabag got kind of wrinkley. He also needed an alarm clock - as he has to be up at something like 6:45am. First we looked around the Navy Exchange. I had never been in an exchange before. didn't really see much - Jimmy found an IPod thingy - called IHome - that plays his music, and has alarms - for $99.99, but Jimmy said he wanted to look in Best Buy before he bought it. So next we went to the mall. Fairly crawling with seamen (seapeople?), freshly arrived from Great Lakes and basics. Jimmy went ahead and bought a cel phone - Cingular service - since we're all on Cingular his calls to us are free, and he bought the sequel to Wicked, Son of a Witch. Then we went to Best Buy, where he went ahead and bought the IHome thingy, and Grand Theft Auto for PSP. It was about 5 or 6 pm then, and we were going to see if we could take his things to his dorm room, but SOMEBODY forgot to remove the firearms from the car. It wasn't a big deal - heck the Hubby and the MP's then had a discussion about favored weapons. It just kind of cut the evening short.

We did the tourist thing on Saturday. Visited Patriots point where they made a museum out of the WWII carrier USS Yorktown. I don't think we saw half of it - the Hubby was hurting too much. Since the Hubby locked up the firearms in the hotel room (and hidden, too), we were able to get a pass - so we were able to get Jimmy's stuff to his room (in the Nimitz Hall), with the help of another Seaman (who liked that Jimmy's into Anime). I get to his room, and then I notice the sign that says no females and no civilians, so I made sure he had his stuff and went down to an area where I thought I could be - I didn't want him to get in trouble on his second day there.

The Naval Nuclear Power Training Center (or NNPTC) is a beautiful place, looking not unlike a college campus, the rooms looking like college dorms, rather than military barracks. His classes (or whatever) were to start Monday.

We decided to leave a day early, on Sunday. That was okay with Jimmy, since he still had things to do, ironing - setting up his side of his room and such. But it wasn't easy to say goodbye. We told him to save his money and buy himself some new glasses. He'll have a 15-day liberty at Christmastime - and will come home then. He wants to look for a new car. I think a bike would be good for right now.

We had decided to go home a different way: northwest from Atlanta to Nashville and I40. The Hubby woke me up at 3am saying he couldn't sleep and let's just go. He wanted to go as fare as he could. I told him to take his time and be comfortable. So, of course, he decided to be macho man and drive all the way home in the one day - about 20 hours, with potty, meal and gas breaks. We got home at about 10:45 pm. The Hubby said he's never doing that again! I told him I didn't want him to do it then.

Since Jimmy's going to be there for a year and a half (or as he put it, "6 months, and 6 months, and 6 months), we're going to go back about this time next year.

A great vacation.

This Day Isn't Ending Quick Enough

4:45 pm cst

I get off at 6:30 pm cst.

AAAARGH!!

Oh, Jimmy called the Hubby on his cel phone. I guess everything went okay, I didn't get many specifics. Now he's just kinda waiting around for graduation. The Hubby told him we would meet him there, that we were on the other side of the river. Which is true, but we may be a little farther south than him, I had a devil of a time trying to find a hotel near the base. It doesn't help when I'm blocked from government and military web sites. And, can somebody tell me why? Is there someway of getting to porn from navy.mil?

5:05 pm.

Well, I guess the M-in-L talked the Hubby out of taking the dogs. Yeah, I was disappointed (and kind of annoyed I was left out of the decision), and I know I'll worry, but it'll be good for it to just be us two. Kind of the Honeymoon we never had. Hell, I might even have sex! Hopefully my cymbalta doesn't take that away, now that I'm feeling better.

Still haven't heard from the kid. Don't exactly know what's going on. I'm pretty confident of him graduating from basics, but it would be nice to know. Hopefully he'll remember Randy's cel phone number. Yeah, I know I'm beating a dead horse on that.

I may be feeling better (much!), but some of my obsessive worries go on.

Well, we're leaving for Charleston on Wednesday, in case we decided to stop halfway. Me, the Hubby, and boys (Bubba and Cooter) taking the Tahoe and driving there. We're taking the Tahoe because it has a new engine and transmission, and is way more comfortable for the Hubby. Since he's driving, his comfort is what it's all about. Hey, I can sleep almost anywhere. We had a hard time deciding whether or not to take the boys. We were concerned that they wouldn't get the level of care they're used to. Cooter's pretty easy going, but Bubba's picky: he's particular about where he'll poop, he can be off the leash at the M-in-L's but you have to watch him. We were afraid the M-in-L would just put him on a chain in the backyard, and he won't poop that way. So, the boys are going, and I found a hotel that accepts pets.

Jimmy's supposed to be going to charleston an hour or two after graduation. Problem is, we know the gist of where he'll be, but don't really know how to contact him once he's there. He called us last Thursday or Friday, but we weren't at home. He's been told to call the Hubby's cel phone - he always has that.

Just one more work day!!! Just one!!! I haven't been this excited and happy..... well, in near memory. If I was bipolar, I'd say I'm close to mania.

Cry-y, Whiney Day

Guess what I ran out of on Friday?

The weekend was fine, and I started out today okay, but it's been a slow slide downhill.

I didn't actually start out okay, Cooter kept trying to wake me up, from about 3:30 on. And he's a persistant Coot - he'll stand on my chest and lick my face if it isn't covered, then nibble on my feet if they're not covered. If everything's covered (and I don't like my head being covered - I feel like I'm suffocating), he'll lay down and whine. I gave up at 4:30, walked the boys and napped on the couch (having weird dreams) until 6:30, when I had to get ready for work. To be fair to the boys, it was an hour later than normal.

I get to work, and there are already 13 people on hold. Geez, people, I don't give a crap about your travel problems today. Have some responsibility for your own reservations.

Jimmy is down to 10 days now. I'm looking forward to Charleston. I found a cool walking tour - Ghosts of Charleston - I found it on CNN. Just now, Googling, I also found this one, Ghosts & Legends of Charleston. Luckily Jimmy's going to be there a while, I can't see all I want to in just one little visit.

On a scale of 1 to 10:

My anxiety is an 8.
My depression is about a 7.

Can today just be over?

Well, I do still have a job. I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Jimmy called on Saturday. On my cel phone. While I was at work. Kinda got in trouble with the supervisor. Horrors!! I didn't put my job before my family!! I took a personal call when I was supposed to be attached to the phone!!

I have only three words to say:
Kiss. My. Ass.

I didn't get to talk to him very long, but he sounds good. He wants us to blow off Chicago (Ha! Blow off! Ha!), because he goes to Charleston, SC just a couple hours later. He does want us to come to Charleston, because he'll have a 3 day liberty once he's processed (or whatever). I'm pretty sure I have the vacation time, but I'm not sure all the days are available.

Wow!! Who Knew?!

My blog is worth $1,693.62.
How much is your blog worth?

Via Skippy.

The New and Improved Me!

Well, maybe not new. I still have some negative thoughts running around my brain, but I'm trying to replace them.

I go back to work on Friday. There have been some issues about that. Like my work was never told by the Short Term Disability people that my claim had been approved. They told me on the phone and, silly me, assumed my work also knew, so I didn't call in. They had me counted as "No-Call, No-Show", which, in call center terms, is bad. My HR person at work told me to call them again, and I did, and they were supposed to refax to the claims department (does anybody know what the hell is going on?). That very day I get a letter saying my STD was approved. Jesus H. Christ!! Sooo, I never did call in, soooo we'll see Friday if I have a job. I'm not really worried about it (the unimproved me would have been), I have my letter and my new quasi-assertiveness going for me.

We'll see how it goes.

I need to visit the facilities, and then potty the boys, so I better go for now.

Sunday Thoughts

I finally got a letter from Jimmy at Great Lakes Naval Station. It turns out he had sent out an earlier letter but didn't put a stamp on the envelope.

Since I was up front about what happened to me, he reminded me that suicide is bad. He also says his life sucks, he gets yelled at all the time, has little time for calls, you know normal basic training stuff. He's wondering if he made the right decision. he called hope a plague.

He also said not to bother with graduation, because just a couple of hours later, he'll be going on the Charleston and Nuke School. He says it would be better to visit him during his 15 day leave at Christmastime. Yeah, good luck for me to get time off then.

But it was good to hear from him. He still has his wry sense of humor.

I'll probably have to go back to work at the end of next week. I may be ready, but I'm not looking forward to it. I am sooooo burned out of that job! I mean I love the people and the company has been pretty good to me, but I'm sick of it. I want to do something I enjoy, something I'm meant to do. I just don't have a clue as to what that is. I'd like to go to college. Maybe that would be a good first step.

And no, I still haven't done my therapy homework.