Has It Been Two Whole Months?

Geez, where has the time (and my energy) gone?
I'm still cashiering at the old Stillwater Wally World. I got to see firsthand an after Thanksgiving sale. I had never bothered with them as a consumer. It was really interesting to watch. There were some good buys. I was an extra cashier in Jewelry. I had a 5am to 2pm shift that day. It was just kind of freaky to see how many people were waiting for the sales to start. It seemed to me that it wasn't as busy as it should have been, and that was confirmed by others who'd worked previous "blitzes".
I don't get on the internet as much as I would like to. Free time, slow computer, and dialup internet service seem to be conspiring against me. And I know I need to write more, but it's like it's not there, it's slipping away.
Randy is the same. He signed up for (hopefully) a Part C gap insurance so he can get the surgeries he needs this year. Starting with his shoulders bone spurs. And then maybe hip replacements. Oh and starting next week he'll be seeing a counselor for his depression (yay!!).
Me? I still don't seem to have much of a life. I think I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm getting some more oil lease money (more than last time!) just after the new year. But instead of making me happy (like last time), I'm just apprehensive. I'm not sure if I should pay off my car. I know I'll be able, finally, to pay the taxes on 2005, and hopefully put back enough to pay this years. But, this time, I don't think it's going to make a difference in my life. I can't move. I can't get a new car. I can't really do anything with it. Whatever I do, It'll be gone before I'm ready, and then I'll just go back to the way it was before. My life - in shades of grey. I want color, but I'm not sure how to do that.