But, since I have no readers (or, if readers, no commenters), nobody to tell me "Just shut the fuck up!!"
The Hubby has now found out how overdrawn we are (but over half are bank fees - crooked-ass banks!), and demanded the checkbook and my debit card.
Now, it's like I'm split in two: the depressed half, who blames everything (including the weather) on herself, wants to die (Plan A is in my purse right now - and, no, it's not some messy-ass gun); and the angry half who says it's not (all) my fault. In fact, my angry half says, I'd lay the blame at the Hubby and the M-in-L's feet. I understand (well, as much as I can) that the Hubby isn't ever going to be pain free, his condition deteriorating as time goes by, so I understand him keeping himself busy with hobbies (guns, cars, motorcycles). Why do I have to be the one to tell him "NO, you shouldn't buy whatever now." He's an adult, can't he show some self-restraint? I know I'm nowhere near perfect, but at least my phobia (or it might be a superstition) of spending money on myself (bad things happen), kind of keeps me from crazy spending(kind of).
I just wish I could be Angry Grrl, or a variation, at home, but there I'm Weepy Wanda. Afraid of everything, taking the blame for everything, no life, no future.
3 comments:
You know, your husband's hobbies are a lot more expensive than anything you currently do. Yes, he has serious health problems, but I don't think that's an excuse to spend what he wants on what he wants, then turn around and blame you when the money is short.
If your coworkers are in dire financial straights, too, then it sounds like something at work, not anything you personally did.
I'd have to be snarky about it and tell him that sure, I'd hand over the checkbook and debit card if he'll take care of the finances and get a refund on his latest gun purchase. Grrrr.
Oopps....leave it to me to mess up a comment...lol..here I try again...
What I wanted to say was the I understand the anxiety of being overdrawn and how much worse it feels waiting for the "ax" to fall and the jig to be up...
I can tell you, it will get better...
and I really enjoyed reading your blog! (yes, you do have readers)
Nemaste,
Moon
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