Well.
At Thanksgiving I had to tell my son I couldn't come to see him graduate this Friday from the Nuke program, because we don't have the money to travel to Charleston. Well, I kinda palmed that off to the Hubby. He offered money, which we knew he would, he's a good kid. This like the story of my life, always disappointing somebody, especially Jimmy. I've always struggled for money, providing the roof over his head and food, but always coming up short in the extras. I guess I always relied on my ex to provide what I couldn't.
This has been the worst year, and it's all my fault. Yes, I hated working at Cendant, but why couldn't I just suck it up and follow their stupid no internet rules? I'd still have the good paying, but soul-sucking job I'd had for 4 years. And, possibly, probably, the money to go to charleston. But noooooo, I had to screw up and get fired, and then have problems getting a job, then take what I thought I should do, but that didn't pan out and now I'm opening mail.
But why couldn't I have gotten my oil money?! It's out there in Roger Mills County pumping away. I haven't seen one dime.
The Hubby is devastated, and blames himself. I think he's close to suicide, but there's nothing I can do. I'll be away from him at work most of the day. Mental health is one thing Medicare doesn't pay well. I don't want him to die, but I can't stop him.
And all we need is money. All we needed was a little miracle, so I could be with the Hubby, and we could go to Charleston to see my son graduate.
I told God I needed a miracle because I feared for the Hubby's life - nothing. Well, to be fair, God has until Wednesday.
It sounds so frivolous, but it's crushing us, and we have nobody to talk to.
Life just isn't worth living.
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