Now To Do What I Do Best...

Obsess about myself.

Now that I'm working the 4-day, 10-hour shift, my days off are Thursday, Friday and Sunday. I have no excuse to miss going to the M-in-L for breakfast and to read the paper. The hubby's brother and his wife (aka Mr. and Mrs. Know it all - Mrs. K-it-A just happens to be the Hubby's ex) are usually there - hogging the paper, and talking about how important they are, making me wish I was at work.

Mrs. K-it-A asks me when Jimmy goes in. I tell her the middle of September.
"Well, that's a long time!" she says.
Mr. K-it-A chuckles and says, "Not really!"

So why did that bother me? To me September feels like tomorrow. And then my son's going to be gone forever, and I'm the only one who cares.

I realize that's probably irrational (such is my life), but I can't seem to shake it. And I was always the one who wanted him to go to college outside of the OK-TX area, so he could be his own man. What the hell is wrong with me?! If he's strong, pretty level headed and has a wide independent (or stubborn) streak, doesn't that mean I did SOMETHING right?!

I just can't shake it. It gets tied up in the memories of visiting Grandmother (Daddy's Mom), Sundays in Clinton, OK - less than once a month. Except now it's going to be me.

Again I ask: What the HELL is wrong with me?!!