Needed to Vent

Today I feel kind of down. I know, it's kind of a same ol', same ol' sort of thing. It gets me thinking about the books I'd like to write, but probably won't because I'm not talented enough. Having the stories in your head just isn't enough.

I'd like to be able to pay off my car (hell, make a car payment even!). I'd like me and the Hubby to travel while he can still move (his orthopedic doctors say he needs both hips replaced and bone spurs scraped off his shoulders). I'd just like not to worry all the time. But the main things I worry about are the Hubby and Money. I keep thinking if we could just do things together, travel, whatever, then maybe that'll take his mind off his pain and his future. That requires money. I think I'll be able to make a car payment this week (I get paid), but I'm about 2 months behind and (possibly irrationally) freak out with every truck noise that passes.

It's like all I do is work. Work, go home, work, go home, work, go home, maybe get on the internet (which, also, isn't as much fun as it used to be), watch tv (no cable, no dish), sleep, repeat. It's killing me. This just doesn't feel like a life.

Thank you for letting me vent. Oh, who am I kidding?! Nobody reads this!

I Just Finished...

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

I cried.

I cried and cried and cried.

OMG, what a GREAT book!!!

One More Thing You Should NOT Have to Say to Your Dog

Bubba!! Get your nose out of my butt!!

Once again, I'm at the point where I feel competent, alive and ready at work, but worthless and useless at home.

Geez, how I hate myself! I know, it's all I write about, but it kind of consumes me. I guess that's the way depression is.

You know depression is treatable?

Well, duh! You know I don't have either available money or health insurance?!

Right now, I don't feel there is really, REALLY a point to me being alive!!

First, Things You Shouldn't Have to Say to Your Dog:

Ziva! Put down that rabbit rearend!! (and yes, it was JUST the back half of the dearly departed bunny)

Second, I'd call it an update, but nothing's really changed:

I'm still working at Wally World, actually kind of like it (weird!), not looking for anything better, higher paying, more fulfilling, etc. I'm done.

Maybe someday I'll actually write one of my 5 or so stories.

The shot's Randy had in his shoulders are no longer working - though he can't have any more for another two months. They're suggesting, well I don't know what it's called, but it amounts to scraping the bone spurs off his shoulders. Oh, and now they've seen xrays of his hips, and are suggesting replacements (for both! but not at the same time). To stave off replacements he went to Mercy today and got steroid shots in both hips. We'll see if that does anything. He's still really down, feeling there's not much life to live. I don't blame him - constant pain, arthritis in every part of his skeleton. And not enough money to do things that might take his mind off of his pain.

My son is now on his ship, or at least at the base where his ship is. We had a good time while he was here. Although, I did learn he smokes. IKK!! Right now just very occasionally. But my mother smoked like a chimney and it eventually killed her, so NO, I don't like it. My wanting my son to be his own man, and not beholding to me or his dad, has come back to bite me on the rear. Oh well, hopefully he'll come to his senses soon enough. Other than that, he's a great guy! Took me out several times! Bought me stuff! Wow! just Wow!

Anyway, I think animals want to potty, so I'll be off. I can't be here often, but I'm not giving up.