Wow! It's been, like, forever since I posted last.

It was just a cold that knocked me on my ass. It was a weird cold, though. Fever, chills, nausea aren't what I usually have.

Jimmy's gone back to Charleston to start his six-month job training dealie on a real reactor. Then he'll learn what carrier they're putting him on. Since I'm gone almost 12 hours out of the day, with commute, and overtime, I didn't hardly get to see him. And since I don't have any appreciable money, we didn't get to do stuff. So he mostly sat around the house the first week, went to his dad's that weekend, and hung out with friends the last week. He left yesterday morning, while I was at work. I know, since he is 20 he's an "adult". But I sure worried about him driving that long way by himself. We kept telling him he ought to stop for the night and get a hotel room, but he didn't. He did stop for a while and sleep, but not at a hotel. They think they're so bulletproof at that age.

I got to drive his new, New Beetle. It was wonderful. It made my Kia look like the pathetic POS it is. It did develop a problem with the window. He said he'd take it back to the dealer when he got back to Charleston.

And since I mentioned it, yes, I'm still opening mail for the Christian Charity. Yes, it still blows. I have another offer of a state job opening, I'll call for an interview. But you know I won't get it! I can't interview to save my life. And that's not even counting the panic attacks I get going to the silly things.

They had a prayer meeting on Friday. I felt REALLY out of place. I don't know how to discuss it. I was angry. He was talking about what he called "the disaster after the disaster": how everyone's sooo concerned when it's fresh, but out of sight, out of mind just a while later. I guess I was angry, because it hit home. But if I could reach out, there would be people out there for me to talk to. But I don't, I can't. I mean, look, you read down these posts and there all the same. But it's what's inside of me. What I have to get out of me. I don't even like listening to me, I'm boring (not to mention grotesque looking). So how can I ask people to listen to me?

I'm so envious of Randy's medicare. Even though I don't think our doctor gives a hoot about me personally, I would like to be able to go and get a good antidepressant. But right now, healthcare is out of my price range.

And Randy? Kinda same ol', same ol' - horrible pain, life not worth living, threats to end it all. He's supposed to see a pain management guy sometime early next year (hopefully not the dick he saw once before).

No new news of the oil variety. Come in kinda handy right about now. But I did finally get my Dr Pepper t-shirt I ordered in August. Sweet! Oh! and I'm going to be trained as a Literacy Tutor next month (well one session in late January, One early Feb).

And that's it. Life right now is just existing.