The GM plant here in Oklahoma City will be closing next year.
Y'know, The Hubby and I have been thinking about getting a new car. Of course, one he can get in and out of with minimal effort (you know he doesn't bend - you try to get in your car without cocking your head to one side), with good gas mileage, comfortable seats that you can dial out the lumbar thingy (yeah, again, the Hubby doesn't bend), and a relatively good ride - so we can take just going to the city or across the country to visit the kid, but isn't driven my 90 mile round trip commute - and no dogs in the car. We have a lot of cars we're considering.
Well. I think I can cross GM brands off my list.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Friday, November 18, 2005
WWJD?
I've decided that's the wrong question to ask. UberChristians can assign any action to Jesus, and feel good about it.
NO!
I've decided the the question to be put to them is:
Is that any way to treat jesus?
I think this is the verse I'm thinking of:
For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in,
Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? Or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? Or naked, and clothed thee?
Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
And the king shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, in as much as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
But I may be wrong, after all, I'm as religous as a doorknob.
OH, and I love this post by Deepak Chopra, via Huffington Post.
NO!
I've decided the the question to be put to them is:
Is that any way to treat jesus?
I think this is the verse I'm thinking of:
For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in,
Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? Or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? Or naked, and clothed thee?
Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
And the king shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, in as much as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
But I may be wrong, after all, I'm as religous as a doorknob.
OH, and I love this post by Deepak Chopra, via Huffington Post.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
I'm Back....Reluctantly
I had a wonderful time, way too short.
We spent Wednesday and Thursday of last week driving from Guthrie, OK to Charleston, SC. The most striking thing was how much friendlier people were. Like on Wednesday, our last stop in OK, a Loves Station off of I40, I can't say the cashier was hateful, but frowny and uncommunicative. Made me want to tell her how sorry I was she had a crap job in Nowheresville, OK. Yes, I hate my job, but that doesn't mean I'm going to dis my customers (unless they dis me first!).
I guess the next thing that struck me was how beautiful and wooded the deep south is. We left I40 at Memphis, and went through Mississippi, Alabama (where we stopped for the night - Taladega County! Woo!), Georgia, and finally South Carolina. And my first look at "clear-cutting" : these ugly, dead spaces, littered with tree trunks. I was shocked. The Hubby said, "Well, they'll replant the trees."
That didn't actually make me feel any better. So, it'll be a forest again in...what, 20, 50, 100 years from now?
And the Hubby couldn't tell me if the vines I saw covering everything in Ms, Al and GA was Kudzu. I thought then how much I like it to cover up my front yard, inside the U of my U-shaped driveway - just scrubby grass, weeds and icky stickers. Then I thought kudzu might not like OK's hot arid summers and cold winters.
The Hubby finally stopped for the day, Wednesday, in Talladega County, AL. We stayed at a Days Inn, not a bad price - luckily not a race weekend. And, of course, best of all, we got to watch Lost and Invasion! I can't believe they killed off Shannon! True, kind of a weak character after Boone died, but still, what about Sayid (as played by the really hot Naveen Andrews - the background on my computer at work), they really haven't given him much to do this year? And Invasion is going too slow for me. I don't want it to be obvious, just a little quicker.
We got to Atlanta during rush hour on Thursday. It kind of freaked the Hubby out, but while sitting in traffic, we found a route we could take around Atlanta, it passed by the Airport, once on it, traffic died out.
The only other excitement on the drive, was actually in Charleston. I made the mistake of following the directions the hotel provided instead of what looked obvious to me. So, instead of taking the exit for 17N, I followed directions and got the Hubby off on exit 221b, where I26 ends. But we did end up doing a nice little tour of old Charleston, before finding 17N to Mt. Pleasant, across the Cooper River. What we didn't know at the time, was there's a beautiful new bridge across the Cooper River, just finished this past summer. And they're tearing down the old bridges. So, I think, and the Hubby disagrees, that the directions I was going by were for the old bridge. And our hotel was right there at the end of the bridge.
The only thing is - our hotel was about 15-20 minutes south of the Naval Weapons Station where Jimmy is for the next year and a half. He called us while we were somewhere in GA on Thursday, after graduation, but before he left for Charleston. He wanted to know if we wanted pictures ("angry, bald pictures," is how he put it) and which package we wanted. The cheapest was $90.00 (?!!!), and I said we'd pay for half. The Hubby still wants to put a picture up at Wal-Mart (and has ever since he saw a picture touting the pictured as a "wartime enlistee!"). Hopefully, our mailman will just give us a card so we can pick them up at the post office, instead of cramming them into our lockbox (we don't have a real mail box - at our house - we have the post boxes at the corner).
The really nice people at the Mt. Pleasant Visitors Center, right in front of our hotel, gave us directions to the Naval Weapons Station. And we found I526 fine, and likewise Rhett Blvd, But Red Bank Rd, that splits the base - we had a devil of a time. The damn streets aren't marked!!
Jimmy called us at about 10am on Friday, saying he was at a subway on base. Like I said, I526 - fine, Rhett Blvd. - yeah, but Red Bank Rd - well we turned on the first street that said it was the base - wrong. Got directions from the mp's. Actually passed Red Bank Rd (not marked, remember?), realized we passed it, turned around - then had to find the subway (which was easier than finding Red Bank - thanks to the MP's).
The Hubby saw him first. He was walking up the road in his dress uniform (the black sailor suit - it's actually wool), extremely short hair and the ugliest glasses on the face of the planet. Of course I gave him a big, long hug. It turns out his glasses didn't survive basics, and he didn't have any choice in frames (well, besides male and female).
We asked him what he wanted to do. I should have known: go shopping. He had money burning a hole in his pocket. He said he needed an iron and ironing board, because his stuff in his seabag got kind of wrinkley. He also needed an alarm clock - as he has to be up at something like 6:45am. First we looked around the Navy Exchange. I had never been in an exchange before. didn't really see much - Jimmy found an IPod thingy - called IHome - that plays his music, and has alarms - for $99.99, but Jimmy said he wanted to look in Best Buy before he bought it. So next we went to the mall. Fairly crawling with seamen (seapeople?), freshly arrived from Great Lakes and basics. Jimmy went ahead and bought a cel phone - Cingular service - since we're all on Cingular his calls to us are free, and he bought the sequel to Wicked, Son of a Witch. Then we went to Best Buy, where he went ahead and bought the IHome thingy, and Grand Theft Auto for PSP. It was about 5 or 6 pm then, and we were going to see if we could take his things to his dorm room, but SOMEBODY forgot to remove the firearms from the car. It wasn't a big deal - heck the Hubby and the MP's then had a discussion about favored weapons. It just kind of cut the evening short.
We did the tourist thing on Saturday. Visited Patriots point where they made a museum out of the WWII carrier USS Yorktown. I don't think we saw half of it - the Hubby was hurting too much. Since the Hubby locked up the firearms in the hotel room (and hidden, too), we were able to get a pass - so we were able to get Jimmy's stuff to his room (in the Nimitz Hall), with the help of another Seaman (who liked that Jimmy's into Anime). I get to his room, and then I notice the sign that says no females and no civilians, so I made sure he had his stuff and went down to an area where I thought I could be - I didn't want him to get in trouble on his second day there.
The Naval Nuclear Power Training Center (or NNPTC) is a beautiful place, looking not unlike a college campus, the rooms looking like college dorms, rather than military barracks. His classes (or whatever) were to start Monday.
We decided to leave a day early, on Sunday. That was okay with Jimmy, since he still had things to do, ironing - setting up his side of his room and such. But it wasn't easy to say goodbye. We told him to save his money and buy himself some new glasses. He'll have a 15-day liberty at Christmastime - and will come home then. He wants to look for a new car. I think a bike would be good for right now.
We had decided to go home a different way: northwest from Atlanta to Nashville and I40. The Hubby woke me up at 3am saying he couldn't sleep and let's just go. He wanted to go as fare as he could. I told him to take his time and be comfortable. So, of course, he decided to be macho man and drive all the way home in the one day - about 20 hours, with potty, meal and gas breaks. We got home at about 10:45 pm. The Hubby said he's never doing that again! I told him I didn't want him to do it then.
Since Jimmy's going to be there for a year and a half (or as he put it, "6 months, and 6 months, and 6 months), we're going to go back about this time next year.
A great vacation.
We spent Wednesday and Thursday of last week driving from Guthrie, OK to Charleston, SC. The most striking thing was how much friendlier people were. Like on Wednesday, our last stop in OK, a Loves Station off of I40, I can't say the cashier was hateful, but frowny and uncommunicative. Made me want to tell her how sorry I was she had a crap job in Nowheresville, OK. Yes, I hate my job, but that doesn't mean I'm going to dis my customers (unless they dis me first!).
I guess the next thing that struck me was how beautiful and wooded the deep south is. We left I40 at Memphis, and went through Mississippi, Alabama (where we stopped for the night - Taladega County! Woo!), Georgia, and finally South Carolina. And my first look at "clear-cutting" : these ugly, dead spaces, littered with tree trunks. I was shocked. The Hubby said, "Well, they'll replant the trees."
That didn't actually make me feel any better. So, it'll be a forest again in...what, 20, 50, 100 years from now?
And the Hubby couldn't tell me if the vines I saw covering everything in Ms, Al and GA was Kudzu. I thought then how much I like it to cover up my front yard, inside the U of my U-shaped driveway - just scrubby grass, weeds and icky stickers. Then I thought kudzu might not like OK's hot arid summers and cold winters.
The Hubby finally stopped for the day, Wednesday, in Talladega County, AL. We stayed at a Days Inn, not a bad price - luckily not a race weekend. And, of course, best of all, we got to watch Lost and Invasion! I can't believe they killed off Shannon! True, kind of a weak character after Boone died, but still, what about Sayid (as played by the really hot Naveen Andrews - the background on my computer at work), they really haven't given him much to do this year? And Invasion is going too slow for me. I don't want it to be obvious, just a little quicker.
We got to Atlanta during rush hour on Thursday. It kind of freaked the Hubby out, but while sitting in traffic, we found a route we could take around Atlanta, it passed by the Airport, once on it, traffic died out.
The only other excitement on the drive, was actually in Charleston. I made the mistake of following the directions the hotel provided instead of what looked obvious to me. So, instead of taking the exit for 17N, I followed directions and got the Hubby off on exit 221b, where I26 ends. But we did end up doing a nice little tour of old Charleston, before finding 17N to Mt. Pleasant, across the Cooper River. What we didn't know at the time, was there's a beautiful new bridge across the Cooper River, just finished this past summer. And they're tearing down the old bridges. So, I think, and the Hubby disagrees, that the directions I was going by were for the old bridge. And our hotel was right there at the end of the bridge.
The only thing is - our hotel was about 15-20 minutes south of the Naval Weapons Station where Jimmy is for the next year and a half. He called us while we were somewhere in GA on Thursday, after graduation, but before he left for Charleston. He wanted to know if we wanted pictures ("angry, bald pictures," is how he put it) and which package we wanted. The cheapest was $90.00 (?!!!), and I said we'd pay for half. The Hubby still wants to put a picture up at Wal-Mart (and has ever since he saw a picture touting the pictured as a "wartime enlistee!"). Hopefully, our mailman will just give us a card so we can pick them up at the post office, instead of cramming them into our lockbox (we don't have a real mail box - at our house - we have the post boxes at the corner).
The really nice people at the Mt. Pleasant Visitors Center, right in front of our hotel, gave us directions to the Naval Weapons Station. And we found I526 fine, and likewise Rhett Blvd, But Red Bank Rd, that splits the base - we had a devil of a time. The damn streets aren't marked!!
Jimmy called us at about 10am on Friday, saying he was at a subway on base. Like I said, I526 - fine, Rhett Blvd. - yeah, but Red Bank Rd - well we turned on the first street that said it was the base - wrong. Got directions from the mp's. Actually passed Red Bank Rd (not marked, remember?), realized we passed it, turned around - then had to find the subway (which was easier than finding Red Bank - thanks to the MP's).
The Hubby saw him first. He was walking up the road in his dress uniform (the black sailor suit - it's actually wool), extremely short hair and the ugliest glasses on the face of the planet. Of course I gave him a big, long hug. It turns out his glasses didn't survive basics, and he didn't have any choice in frames (well, besides male and female).
We asked him what he wanted to do. I should have known: go shopping. He had money burning a hole in his pocket. He said he needed an iron and ironing board, because his stuff in his seabag got kind of wrinkley. He also needed an alarm clock - as he has to be up at something like 6:45am. First we looked around the Navy Exchange. I had never been in an exchange before. didn't really see much - Jimmy found an IPod thingy - called IHome - that plays his music, and has alarms - for $99.99, but Jimmy said he wanted to look in Best Buy before he bought it. So next we went to the mall. Fairly crawling with seamen (seapeople?), freshly arrived from Great Lakes and basics. Jimmy went ahead and bought a cel phone - Cingular service - since we're all on Cingular his calls to us are free, and he bought the sequel to Wicked, Son of a Witch. Then we went to Best Buy, where he went ahead and bought the IHome thingy, and Grand Theft Auto for PSP. It was about 5 or 6 pm then, and we were going to see if we could take his things to his dorm room, but SOMEBODY forgot to remove the firearms from the car. It wasn't a big deal - heck the Hubby and the MP's then had a discussion about favored weapons. It just kind of cut the evening short.
We did the tourist thing on Saturday. Visited Patriots point where they made a museum out of the WWII carrier USS Yorktown. I don't think we saw half of it - the Hubby was hurting too much. Since the Hubby locked up the firearms in the hotel room (and hidden, too), we were able to get a pass - so we were able to get Jimmy's stuff to his room (in the Nimitz Hall), with the help of another Seaman (who liked that Jimmy's into Anime). I get to his room, and then I notice the sign that says no females and no civilians, so I made sure he had his stuff and went down to an area where I thought I could be - I didn't want him to get in trouble on his second day there.
The Naval Nuclear Power Training Center (or NNPTC) is a beautiful place, looking not unlike a college campus, the rooms looking like college dorms, rather than military barracks. His classes (or whatever) were to start Monday.
We decided to leave a day early, on Sunday. That was okay with Jimmy, since he still had things to do, ironing - setting up his side of his room and such. But it wasn't easy to say goodbye. We told him to save his money and buy himself some new glasses. He'll have a 15-day liberty at Christmastime - and will come home then. He wants to look for a new car. I think a bike would be good for right now.
We had decided to go home a different way: northwest from Atlanta to Nashville and I40. The Hubby woke me up at 3am saying he couldn't sleep and let's just go. He wanted to go as fare as he could. I told him to take his time and be comfortable. So, of course, he decided to be macho man and drive all the way home in the one day - about 20 hours, with potty, meal and gas breaks. We got home at about 10:45 pm. The Hubby said he's never doing that again! I told him I didn't want him to do it then.
Since Jimmy's going to be there for a year and a half (or as he put it, "6 months, and 6 months, and 6 months), we're going to go back about this time next year.
A great vacation.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
This Day Isn't Ending Quick Enough
4:45 pm cst
I get off at 6:30 pm cst.
AAAARGH!!
Oh, Jimmy called the Hubby on his cel phone. I guess everything went okay, I didn't get many specifics. Now he's just kinda waiting around for graduation. The Hubby told him we would meet him there, that we were on the other side of the river. Which is true, but we may be a little farther south than him, I had a devil of a time trying to find a hotel near the base. It doesn't help when I'm blocked from government and military web sites. And, can somebody tell me why? Is there someway of getting to porn from navy.mil?
5:05 pm.
I get off at 6:30 pm cst.
AAAARGH!!
Oh, Jimmy called the Hubby on his cel phone. I guess everything went okay, I didn't get many specifics. Now he's just kinda waiting around for graduation. The Hubby told him we would meet him there, that we were on the other side of the river. Which is true, but we may be a little farther south than him, I had a devil of a time trying to find a hotel near the base. It doesn't help when I'm blocked from government and military web sites. And, can somebody tell me why? Is there someway of getting to porn from navy.mil?
5:05 pm.
Well, I guess the M-in-L talked the Hubby out of taking the dogs. Yeah, I was disappointed (and kind of annoyed I was left out of the decision), and I know I'll worry, but it'll be good for it to just be us two. Kind of the Honeymoon we never had. Hell, I might even have sex! Hopefully my cymbalta doesn't take that away, now that I'm feeling better.
Still haven't heard from the kid. Don't exactly know what's going on. I'm pretty confident of him graduating from basics, but it would be nice to know. Hopefully he'll remember Randy's cel phone number. Yeah, I know I'm beating a dead horse on that.
I may be feeling better (much!), but some of my obsessive worries go on.
Still haven't heard from the kid. Don't exactly know what's going on. I'm pretty confident of him graduating from basics, but it would be nice to know. Hopefully he'll remember Randy's cel phone number. Yeah, I know I'm beating a dead horse on that.
I may be feeling better (much!), but some of my obsessive worries go on.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Well, we're leaving for Charleston on Wednesday, in case we decided to stop halfway. Me, the Hubby, and boys (Bubba and Cooter) taking the Tahoe and driving there. We're taking the Tahoe because it has a new engine and transmission, and is way more comfortable for the Hubby. Since he's driving, his comfort is what it's all about. Hey, I can sleep almost anywhere. We had a hard time deciding whether or not to take the boys. We were concerned that they wouldn't get the level of care they're used to. Cooter's pretty easy going, but Bubba's picky: he's particular about where he'll poop, he can be off the leash at the M-in-L's but you have to watch him. We were afraid the M-in-L would just put him on a chain in the backyard, and he won't poop that way. So, the boys are going, and I found a hotel that accepts pets.
Jimmy's supposed to be going to charleston an hour or two after graduation. Problem is, we know the gist of where he'll be, but don't really know how to contact him once he's there. He called us last Thursday or Friday, but we weren't at home. He's been told to call the Hubby's cel phone - he always has that.
Just one more work day!!! Just one!!! I haven't been this excited and happy..... well, in near memory. If I was bipolar, I'd say I'm close to mania.
Jimmy's supposed to be going to charleston an hour or two after graduation. Problem is, we know the gist of where he'll be, but don't really know how to contact him once he's there. He called us last Thursday or Friday, but we weren't at home. He's been told to call the Hubby's cel phone - he always has that.
Just one more work day!!! Just one!!! I haven't been this excited and happy..... well, in near memory. If I was bipolar, I'd say I'm close to mania.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Cry-y, Whiney Day
Guess what I ran out of on Friday?
The weekend was fine, and I started out today okay, but it's been a slow slide downhill.
I didn't actually start out okay, Cooter kept trying to wake me up, from about 3:30 on. And he's a persistant Coot - he'll stand on my chest and lick my face if it isn't covered, then nibble on my feet if they're not covered. If everything's covered (and I don't like my head being covered - I feel like I'm suffocating), he'll lay down and whine. I gave up at 4:30, walked the boys and napped on the couch (having weird dreams) until 6:30, when I had to get ready for work. To be fair to the boys, it was an hour later than normal.
I get to work, and there are already 13 people on hold. Geez, people, I don't give a crap about your travel problems today. Have some responsibility for your own reservations.
Jimmy is down to 10 days now. I'm looking forward to Charleston. I found a cool walking tour - Ghosts of Charleston - I found it on CNN. Just now, Googling, I also found this one, Ghosts & Legends of Charleston. Luckily Jimmy's going to be there a while, I can't see all I want to in just one little visit.
On a scale of 1 to 10:
My anxiety is an 8.
My depression is about a 7.
Can today just be over?
The weekend was fine, and I started out today okay, but it's been a slow slide downhill.
I didn't actually start out okay, Cooter kept trying to wake me up, from about 3:30 on. And he's a persistant Coot - he'll stand on my chest and lick my face if it isn't covered, then nibble on my feet if they're not covered. If everything's covered (and I don't like my head being covered - I feel like I'm suffocating), he'll lay down and whine. I gave up at 4:30, walked the boys and napped on the couch (having weird dreams) until 6:30, when I had to get ready for work. To be fair to the boys, it was an hour later than normal.
I get to work, and there are already 13 people on hold. Geez, people, I don't give a crap about your travel problems today. Have some responsibility for your own reservations.
Jimmy is down to 10 days now. I'm looking forward to Charleston. I found a cool walking tour - Ghosts of Charleston - I found it on CNN. Just now, Googling, I also found this one, Ghosts & Legends of Charleston. Luckily Jimmy's going to be there a while, I can't see all I want to in just one little visit.
On a scale of 1 to 10:
My anxiety is an 8.
My depression is about a 7.
Can today just be over?
Monday, October 24, 2005
Well, I do still have a job. I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Jimmy called on Saturday. On my cel phone. While I was at work. Kinda got in trouble with the supervisor. Horrors!! I didn't put my job before my family!! I took a personal call when I was supposed to be attached to the phone!!
I have only three words to say:
Kiss. My. Ass.
I didn't get to talk to him very long, but he sounds good. He wants us to blow off Chicago (Ha! Blow off! Ha!), because he goes to Charleston, SC just a couple hours later. He does want us to come to Charleston, because he'll have a 3 day liberty once he's processed (or whatever). I'm pretty sure I have the vacation time, but I'm not sure all the days are available.
Jimmy called on Saturday. On my cel phone. While I was at work. Kinda got in trouble with the supervisor. Horrors!! I didn't put my job before my family!! I took a personal call when I was supposed to be attached to the phone!!
I have only three words to say:
Kiss. My. Ass.
I didn't get to talk to him very long, but he sounds good. He wants us to blow off Chicago (Ha! Blow off! Ha!), because he goes to Charleston, SC just a couple hours later. He does want us to come to Charleston, because he'll have a 3 day liberty once he's processed (or whatever). I'm pretty sure I have the vacation time, but I'm not sure all the days are available.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
The New and Improved Me!
Well, maybe not new. I still have some negative thoughts running around my brain, but I'm trying to replace them.
I go back to work on Friday. There have been some issues about that. Like my work was never told by the Short Term Disability people that my claim had been approved. They told me on the phone and, silly me, assumed my work also knew, so I didn't call in. They had me counted as "No-Call, No-Show", which, in call center terms, is bad. My HR person at work told me to call them again, and I did, and they were supposed to refax to the claims department (does anybody know what the hell is going on?). That very day I get a letter saying my STD was approved. Jesus H. Christ!! Sooo, I never did call in, soooo we'll see Friday if I have a job. I'm not really worried about it (the unimproved me would have been), I have my letter and my new quasi-assertiveness going for me.
We'll see how it goes.
I need to visit the facilities, and then potty the boys, so I better go for now.
I go back to work on Friday. There have been some issues about that. Like my work was never told by the Short Term Disability people that my claim had been approved. They told me on the phone and, silly me, assumed my work also knew, so I didn't call in. They had me counted as "No-Call, No-Show", which, in call center terms, is bad. My HR person at work told me to call them again, and I did, and they were supposed to refax to the claims department (does anybody know what the hell is going on?). That very day I get a letter saying my STD was approved. Jesus H. Christ!! Sooo, I never did call in, soooo we'll see Friday if I have a job. I'm not really worried about it (the unimproved me would have been), I have my letter and my new quasi-assertiveness going for me.
We'll see how it goes.
I need to visit the facilities, and then potty the boys, so I better go for now.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Sunday Thoughts
I finally got a letter from Jimmy at Great Lakes Naval Station. It turns out he had sent out an earlier letter but didn't put a stamp on the envelope.
Since I was up front about what happened to me, he reminded me that suicide is bad. He also says his life sucks, he gets yelled at all the time, has little time for calls, you know normal basic training stuff. He's wondering if he made the right decision. he called hope a plague.
He also said not to bother with graduation, because just a couple of hours later, he'll be going on the Charleston and Nuke School. He says it would be better to visit him during his 15 day leave at Christmastime. Yeah, good luck for me to get time off then.
But it was good to hear from him. He still has his wry sense of humor.
I'll probably have to go back to work at the end of next week. I may be ready, but I'm not looking forward to it. I am sooooo burned out of that job! I mean I love the people and the company has been pretty good to me, but I'm sick of it. I want to do something I enjoy, something I'm meant to do. I just don't have a clue as to what that is. I'd like to go to college. Maybe that would be a good first step.
And no, I still haven't done my therapy homework.
Since I was up front about what happened to me, he reminded me that suicide is bad. He also says his life sucks, he gets yelled at all the time, has little time for calls, you know normal basic training stuff. He's wondering if he made the right decision. he called hope a plague.
He also said not to bother with graduation, because just a couple of hours later, he'll be going on the Charleston and Nuke School. He says it would be better to visit him during his 15 day leave at Christmastime. Yeah, good luck for me to get time off then.
But it was good to hear from him. He still has his wry sense of humor.
I'll probably have to go back to work at the end of next week. I may be ready, but I'm not looking forward to it. I am sooooo burned out of that job! I mean I love the people and the company has been pretty good to me, but I'm sick of it. I want to do something I enjoy, something I'm meant to do. I just don't have a clue as to what that is. I'd like to go to college. Maybe that would be a good first step.
And no, I still haven't done my therapy homework.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Re: "Recruit McNey Reporting for Duty"
It's been one month today. I just realized that. I've now sent him three letters and have only received one. Yes, I know he's busy. What can I say? I know he's a man now, but I'm still a mother.
A mother but not a mother hen; the ex has been calling pretty regularly (ik). First to see if Jimmy was still here, that he needed to say goodbye. Then to see if I had the address, and hell, yeah I did, but the Hubby didn't tell him that. The last time was to say (I guess) he'd had a call from Jimmy, and the Hubby, not gently, told him not to call anymore.
There's a part of me that says, "well he should have called me, too!!" Like I said just before, he's a man now. I'm going to let him be a man, even if I don't like it. And, again he IS busy, and he's never really been one to write, and if 3 of the 6 girls I've given his address to are in contact with him, who knows, he might not have any spare time left.
Today is day 2 of Birthday Week. Yesterday would have been Mama's 81st birthday. Today is my deceased F-in-L's birthday, tomorrow is MY BIRTHDAY, Friday is the B-in-L's birthday (but he doesn't count), and Saturday is Jimmy's. I've already told Jimmy he needs to aim for October 17th. No reaction.
Still being lazy about Therapy homework, journaling, timeline, letters to my parents. I'm starting to get a little apprehensive about going back to work. I need to find out what I want to do, and go back to school. I can't take any more mind-numbing, soul-destroying jobs. I really DO need to think about me and my needs. AAAAnnnndddd I need to be more assertive, and I need to set and keep boundaries.
I'm still working on those last two.
A mother but not a mother hen; the ex has been calling pretty regularly (ik). First to see if Jimmy was still here, that he needed to say goodbye. Then to see if I had the address, and hell, yeah I did, but the Hubby didn't tell him that. The last time was to say (I guess) he'd had a call from Jimmy, and the Hubby, not gently, told him not to call anymore.
There's a part of me that says, "well he should have called me, too!!" Like I said just before, he's a man now. I'm going to let him be a man, even if I don't like it. And, again he IS busy, and he's never really been one to write, and if 3 of the 6 girls I've given his address to are in contact with him, who knows, he might not have any spare time left.
Today is day 2 of Birthday Week. Yesterday would have been Mama's 81st birthday. Today is my deceased F-in-L's birthday, tomorrow is MY BIRTHDAY, Friday is the B-in-L's birthday (but he doesn't count), and Saturday is Jimmy's. I've already told Jimmy he needs to aim for October 17th. No reaction.
Still being lazy about Therapy homework, journaling, timeline, letters to my parents. I'm starting to get a little apprehensive about going back to work. I need to find out what I want to do, and go back to school. I can't take any more mind-numbing, soul-destroying jobs. I really DO need to think about me and my needs. AAAAnnnndddd I need to be more assertive, and I need to set and keep boundaries.
I'm still working on those last two.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Well, I Should Be Working
I'm supposed to be doing a timeline and jounaling for my group therapy. But I haven't done either. Well, I've wrote down some of my past: 0-6 that I can remember and some of 7-12. But, damn, most of what I went through after 3rd grade (when I got spanked for not finishing my work, not a big deal to most, but I made it a big deal), it seems like I created myself. I still say, if I had taken Mama's advice (Laugh with them! Kind of in the mode of "Never let them see you sweat."), the merciless teasing would have went away. I decided to look at myself through depression-colored glasses (and just what color IS depression).
To a degree, I feel (look!! I'm using I statements!) like I'm both connected with my group, and disconnected. Most had really crappy childhoods (involving alcohol, abuse or both), but I didn't. I knew I was loved by a big group of people, Mama and Daddy, Aunt (pronounced Ain't) Ninnie, Grandma (technically my great-grandma), Grandma Ben (Mama's mama), Grandmother (Daddy's mom), and uncounted aunts and uncles and cousins, and even my sister. But I still had this huge sense of self loathing, and a raging social phobia that went light years beyond my natural reticence, that I can't really connect with anything.
And, I don't know what I said, but now their griping at the Hubby. Saying he's some kind of attention hog because of his disease, and that's not true. Now, if I try to get them to take that back, I'll be the one in denial. Yeah, the Hubby has his problems. Yeah, he should probably be the one in group therapy, doing his time line. But I'm the one who went beyond suicidal talk, to having the pills in my hand. I can only help me, and that's what I'm doing. But, I swear, get off my husband's back!! I'm not babying him, I care about him. I'll love him forever, and be with him until he or I die.
Oh, and there's a new guy in group. Bipolar, about 10 years older than me. I swear I get fucking annoyed (another I statement!) with him! It's like he's proud of the 35 years of therapy and hospitalizations and medications. Ok, maybe he should be proud of that, in a way, but does he have to lord it over us. I really can't stand know-it-alls, even mentally ill ones. I feel like he's trying to take over and show us all up (oooh! I'm getting good at that!).
So, maybe I should be ready to go back to work on Monday. Maybe I need to fly out of the nest, though if you would have asked me last week about that, I'd have said you're nuts.
As for me, I'm still leaning toward Bipolar II. But hell, I don't know.
To a degree, I feel (look!! I'm using I statements!) like I'm both connected with my group, and disconnected. Most had really crappy childhoods (involving alcohol, abuse or both), but I didn't. I knew I was loved by a big group of people, Mama and Daddy, Aunt (pronounced Ain't) Ninnie, Grandma (technically my great-grandma), Grandma Ben (Mama's mama), Grandmother (Daddy's mom), and uncounted aunts and uncles and cousins, and even my sister. But I still had this huge sense of self loathing, and a raging social phobia that went light years beyond my natural reticence, that I can't really connect with anything.
And, I don't know what I said, but now their griping at the Hubby. Saying he's some kind of attention hog because of his disease, and that's not true. Now, if I try to get them to take that back, I'll be the one in denial. Yeah, the Hubby has his problems. Yeah, he should probably be the one in group therapy, doing his time line. But I'm the one who went beyond suicidal talk, to having the pills in my hand. I can only help me, and that's what I'm doing. But, I swear, get off my husband's back!! I'm not babying him, I care about him. I'll love him forever, and be with him until he or I die.
Oh, and there's a new guy in group. Bipolar, about 10 years older than me. I swear I get fucking annoyed (another I statement!) with him! It's like he's proud of the 35 years of therapy and hospitalizations and medications. Ok, maybe he should be proud of that, in a way, but does he have to lord it over us. I really can't stand know-it-alls, even mentally ill ones. I feel like he's trying to take over and show us all up (oooh! I'm getting good at that!).
So, maybe I should be ready to go back to work on Monday. Maybe I need to fly out of the nest, though if you would have asked me last week about that, I'd have said you're nuts.
As for me, I'm still leaning toward Bipolar II. But hell, I don't know.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Shocked...and Numb
Again, I want to thank my readers for their concern! It's really been a help.
On the insurance front, I still haven't received my cards, but was told by my HR that I could print out copies off the web. So I was able to do that. Since I got the low option, I still have to pay 30%, which for SHARE at ST Anthony's is around $66 A DAY.
Yeah, tell me that THAT doesn't push one of my anxiety buttons!
On the therapy front, I'm still trying to do my timeline, but my past wasn't that traumatic. My therapist has suggested I may be Bipolar. I was completely shocked, I mean, pick my jaw up off the floor time! In my mind, I have never been manic. Part of my homework, besides the timeline, was reading up on Bipolar. It seems like I may have Bipolar II, which has milder manic episodes, called "hypomania". Which, like I said, I can't tell you I've ever had. But also, you could have recurring depressive episodes (yes), be either resistant to antidepressants or they stop working after awhile (yes).
The only thing I can compare the way I'm feeling to is when I learned at around 16 I had epilepsy (no, I don't have seizures anymore). The shocked, numb feeling giving way to the "well, that answers that" feeling. Right now I'm still more shocked than relieved.
Oh, that brings up another thing I read, some study says (or implied, or whatever) that people with epilepsy are more prone to Bipolar.
I may have answers now, let's see what happens next.
On the insurance front, I still haven't received my cards, but was told by my HR that I could print out copies off the web. So I was able to do that. Since I got the low option, I still have to pay 30%, which for SHARE at ST Anthony's is around $66 A DAY.
Yeah, tell me that THAT doesn't push one of my anxiety buttons!
On the therapy front, I'm still trying to do my timeline, but my past wasn't that traumatic. My therapist has suggested I may be Bipolar. I was completely shocked, I mean, pick my jaw up off the floor time! In my mind, I have never been manic. Part of my homework, besides the timeline, was reading up on Bipolar. It seems like I may have Bipolar II, which has milder manic episodes, called "hypomania". Which, like I said, I can't tell you I've ever had. But also, you could have recurring depressive episodes (yes), be either resistant to antidepressants or they stop working after awhile (yes).
The only thing I can compare the way I'm feeling to is when I learned at around 16 I had epilepsy (no, I don't have seizures anymore). The shocked, numb feeling giving way to the "well, that answers that" feeling. Right now I'm still more shocked than relieved.
Oh, that brings up another thing I read, some study says (or implied, or whatever) that people with epilepsy are more prone to Bipolar.
I may have answers now, let's see what happens next.
Monday, October 03, 2005
A Big Thank You...
To those concerned about me.
I'm now in an outpatient program, also at St Anthony's. I'm really impressed by it. I'm feeling alot better, but have a ways to go.
But now I'm having insurance problems - with the switch from being an employee of Company A, to being an employee of a separate company, whose client is Company A, I was supposed change insurance. It was supposed to be as of October 1, I have recieved no new insurance information. My doctor's don't want me to go back to work, and I really have to agree, but right now feel like I may not have any choice. This sucks, it just goddamned well sucks!
I'm now in an outpatient program, also at St Anthony's. I'm really impressed by it. I'm feeling alot better, but have a ways to go.
But now I'm having insurance problems - with the switch from being an employee of Company A, to being an employee of a separate company, whose client is Company A, I was supposed change insurance. It was supposed to be as of October 1, I have recieved no new insurance information. My doctor's don't want me to go back to work, and I really have to agree, but right now feel like I may not have any choice. This sucks, it just goddamned well sucks!
Friday, September 30, 2005
I guess I owe my handful of readers an explanation.
I've been going downhill for a while now. Yeah, I know, "Like, I can't tell!!" Week before last with the anxiety, last week the Hubby found out about being overdrawn. And all of a sudden life didn't seem like living. I grabbed my secret stash of sleeping pills that didn't work right on the Hubby, a cup of water and went out to my car. The Hubby called me on the cell phone telling me he had called the sheriff. It was like something broke through, I still had the pills in a death grip, but I decided I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live, either.
I didn't wait for the sheriff. I drove to my family doctor (the really cute Jesse Ray XXXXXXXX). On the way there, the Hubby called me, frantic, asking me where I am. I told him I was going to the doctor. I called for an appointment from the parking lot. "I have an appointment at 11:15," the receptionist said, at 11:20. I told her that was ok since I was already in the parking lot. So, I pretty much got right in, pills still in the death grip.
"You know I can't let you leave." he said. From there, I went, by ambulance, to Deaconess ER. They said I was to be admitted to St. Anthony, but had to have a ride. So, I called the Hubby, who hadn't heard from me in a long time and was about sick.
I was inpatient in St Anthony for 4 days.
I talk more later, there's a thunderstorm coming.
I've been going downhill for a while now. Yeah, I know, "Like, I can't tell!!" Week before last with the anxiety, last week the Hubby found out about being overdrawn. And all of a sudden life didn't seem like living. I grabbed my secret stash of sleeping pills that didn't work right on the Hubby, a cup of water and went out to my car. The Hubby called me on the cell phone telling me he had called the sheriff. It was like something broke through, I still had the pills in a death grip, but I decided I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live, either.
I didn't wait for the sheriff. I drove to my family doctor (the really cute Jesse Ray XXXXXXXX). On the way there, the Hubby called me, frantic, asking me where I am. I told him I was going to the doctor. I called for an appointment from the parking lot. "I have an appointment at 11:15," the receptionist said, at 11:20. I told her that was ok since I was already in the parking lot. So, I pretty much got right in, pills still in the death grip.
"You know I can't let you leave." he said. From there, I went, by ambulance, to Deaconess ER. They said I was to be admitted to St. Anthony, but had to have a ride. So, I called the Hubby, who hadn't heard from me in a long time and was about sick.
I was inpatient in St Anthony for 4 days.
I talk more later, there's a thunderstorm coming.
Monday, September 26, 2005
I'm Back!!
From going around the bend!
And let me tell ya, the psych ward is a trip!
I'd tell ya now, but my boys need to go potty.
And let me tell ya, the psych ward is a trip!
I'd tell ya now, but my boys need to go potty.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Breaking News
My Aunt (pronounced ain't) Ninny has died.
She was born August of 1924, to my Great Grandma, Virginia Pendergrass, and she was also named Virginia.
Mama was born October 11, 1924, to Grandma's Daughter, Ben. Since Grandma Ben was 15 at time, Mama was raised by Grandma, who she always called Mama. They were raised as twin sisters. Even though the only thing that made them look alike was their brunette hair, they were often confused (I could never figure that out). Mama would say they would ask her, "Are you you, or are you your sister?" To which Mama would reply, "I'm me!" (At this point, I'm thinking to myself, "Are the people you grew up with STUPID?")
Mama always called Virginia "Ninny". She said Aunt Ninny tried to get her to stop when they were in high school, but you can see how that worked.
Her life has never been easy: miscarriages, worthless-ass abusive, drunk husband, a daughter who died of ovarian cancer at 24, but she was always a survivor. And she always had a smart mouth.
She deserves her rest.
She was born August of 1924, to my Great Grandma, Virginia Pendergrass, and she was also named Virginia.
Mama was born October 11, 1924, to Grandma's Daughter, Ben. Since Grandma Ben was 15 at time, Mama was raised by Grandma, who she always called Mama. They were raised as twin sisters. Even though the only thing that made them look alike was their brunette hair, they were often confused (I could never figure that out). Mama would say they would ask her, "Are you you, or are you your sister?" To which Mama would reply, "I'm me!" (At this point, I'm thinking to myself, "Are the people you grew up with STUPID?")
Mama always called Virginia "Ninny". She said Aunt Ninny tried to get her to stop when they were in high school, but you can see how that worked.
Her life has never been easy: miscarriages, worthless-ass abusive, drunk husband, a daughter who died of ovarian cancer at 24, but she was always a survivor. And she always had a smart mouth.
She deserves her rest.
Spewing...Again
But, since I have no readers (or, if readers, no commenters), nobody to tell me "Just shut the fuck up!!"
The Hubby has now found out how overdrawn we are (but over half are bank fees - crooked-ass banks!), and demanded the checkbook and my debit card.
Now, it's like I'm split in two: the depressed half, who blames everything (including the weather) on herself, wants to die (Plan A is in my purse right now - and, no, it's not some messy-ass gun); and the angry half who says it's not (all) my fault. In fact, my angry half says, I'd lay the blame at the Hubby and the M-in-L's feet. I understand (well, as much as I can) that the Hubby isn't ever going to be pain free, his condition deteriorating as time goes by, so I understand him keeping himself busy with hobbies (guns, cars, motorcycles). Why do I have to be the one to tell him "NO, you shouldn't buy whatever now." He's an adult, can't he show some self-restraint? I know I'm nowhere near perfect, but at least my phobia (or it might be a superstition) of spending money on myself (bad things happen), kind of keeps me from crazy spending(kind of).
I just wish I could be Angry Grrl, or a variation, at home, but there I'm Weepy Wanda. Afraid of everything, taking the blame for everything, no life, no future.
The Hubby has now found out how overdrawn we are (but over half are bank fees - crooked-ass banks!), and demanded the checkbook and my debit card.
Now, it's like I'm split in two: the depressed half, who blames everything (including the weather) on herself, wants to die (Plan A is in my purse right now - and, no, it's not some messy-ass gun); and the angry half who says it's not (all) my fault. In fact, my angry half says, I'd lay the blame at the Hubby and the M-in-L's feet. I understand (well, as much as I can) that the Hubby isn't ever going to be pain free, his condition deteriorating as time goes by, so I understand him keeping himself busy with hobbies (guns, cars, motorcycles). Why do I have to be the one to tell him "NO, you shouldn't buy whatever now." He's an adult, can't he show some self-restraint? I know I'm nowhere near perfect, but at least my phobia (or it might be a superstition) of spending money on myself (bad things happen), kind of keeps me from crazy spending(kind of).
I just wish I could be Angry Grrl, or a variation, at home, but there I'm Weepy Wanda. Afraid of everything, taking the blame for everything, no life, no future.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Well, the Hubby is probably going to learn how horribly overdrawn I am today. One look at the checkbook (I put no numbers in, if they're negative), and he starts yelling at me. I know he'll ask his mom (who works at the bank) what's going on, and learn I'm almost 400.00 in the hole. And still over half are stupid-ass bank fees. And if the Hubby didn't get his latest gun we'd be ok. And yet it's still all my fault.
Jesus Christ!!! It's like I don't want to live anymore, but I don't want to die!
Jesus Christ!!! It's like I don't want to live anymore, but I don't want to die!
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