I'm not a hell of alot happier, but I'm not much sadder, either. The Hubby continues his downward spiral. Nothing I can do about it. He doesn't listen to me. It's like I don't exist. I wish I had friends. I wish there were some masochistic people who read this tripe. I could use readers.

Up and Down on the Mini-Coaster!!

First off, even though nobody reads this, I wish Tbogg and extended Cali family well. Just remember, stuff is stuff, as long as family is safe, stuff can be replaced.

My life is the same. Birthday sucked. BIG. But now I'm 48 and trying to get used to it. I still feel like life has passed me by. I had always thought I was meant for something, something big. What was that?! Cashiering at Wal-Mart (not that there's anything wrong with that, I actually LIKE the job)? I still feel like I'm meant to do (be) something else. What are the things I'm passionate about? Well, reading to children. And not crap (which is my one gripe about my store). And don't act like reading's a chore. If you don't like to read, why should your children. Find something you'll both enjoy, then reading it over and over won't be a hassle. And read different books and stories, a real variety. I read The Hobbit to my son when he was in First Grade, it took about 3 months (and first he griped that the book had to have pictures, then when I found a book with pictures, he griped that the pictures were wrong). And I still have the, like, 5 stories whirling around in my head. I try to put them on paper, and they sound stilted and trite. I don't have a clue as to how to get them out of my head the way they are in my head. Does that make sense? And I'd love to travel, but that requires money.

The Hubby. sigh. Sincerely needs counseling, but again requires money. I didn't know self-pity could reach such depths. And I just cannot relate. I don't know anybody with arthritis as bad as him. I wish I did. Especially if they're still happy. Knock some sense into the Hubby.

I don't feel to bad today. I never feel great. My life isn't too bad. I just wish I had something fulfilling to do. I am knitting again - an (well at some future point) afghan made of mitred corner squares, Pretty and easy. Keeping myself into it has been a chore.

And let's just not talk about the M-in-L. I feel okay today.

The Hubby alternates between wanting to die and having no reason to live.

What do I do? What CAN I do?

This is making me sick.

Oh, wait, ha ha, that was a joke, right? I don't have insurance yet. I can't get sick.

He's going to the orthopedic guy next Wednesday to get the shoulder shots that don't work. I think he should just go ahead and the scraping done - it may not be forever, but will last longer than the shot. Arthritis really sucks.

Oh the M-in-L says she's going to pay for a new engine for the Tahoe. yay. One more thing to be beholden to her.