Just Two More Weeks

Two more weeks at SWA.

The looming unemployement is pretty much knocking me on my ass. Today's Staffing so far has been very unhelpful. Not to mention my raging PMS.

I guess I'm bitter. I kinda have a right to be bitter, in February I was full of righteous indignation over being unfairly (but completely within their rights) fired, now I just feel useless, worthless. I don't feel like I can get a job. Just worn down to a nub. As I've said before, getting a job and doing a job are two different things (unless you're a used car salesperson). I can do the job, almost any job (though mostly clerical and call center), but I just feel incapable of getting it.

Y'know what I'd like?

Really?

I'd like to win the lottery. To not have to worry about having a job or paying bills or deciding which bills I'm just going to ignore. To be able to go places and do things with the Hubby, while he's still mostly mobile enough to enjoy them. To be able to go to school just for the sheer joy of learning. To be able to buy the land the Hubby wants to disappear on (but still within an hour of the city), and build my hippie house on it. To have cars we want, instead of cars we can afford. To volunteer to teach people to read or be a docent at a museum. I want to be able to go to the doctor when I'm sick. My doctor not just any doctor. To be able to get prescriptions (say, the antidepressant, Lexapro).

I never want to have to worry about being unemployed EVER AGAIN!

No new news. Just feeling sad and alone.

Playing With the VidCam

Here I am! Not quite as ugly as usual! Ready for the Big Time!

Oh, and dig that Mona Lisa smile!

Some Random Musings

I don't understand the whole Israel, Hamas/Palestinian, Hezzbolah (however you spell it) thing. There are no good guys and no real bad guys (I mean really bad, bad guys), just a bunch of people overreacting. What do you do? It doesn't seem really right to support one group over another. Israel's going to exist whether you want it to or not. Palestinians have a right to respect and live their lives and vote for whatever stupidheads they want to (hello! we do that all the time!). I'm not real sure where Hezzbolah falls into the loop, but they seem to be among the fundamentalists that treat women like crap. Like, can someone tell me why it's women's fault that men are attracted to us (well not me particularly), that some fundies tell us to cover ourselves up or ugly ourselves up? Don't men have any restraint on their own?

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Something like 4 more weeks at Southwest Airlines. Thanksgiving is now open - and almost sold out. Flights are starting in Dulles early October, but, alas, not Charleston, SC. I learned they can make you come in on your day off to work mandatory overtime. I feel like I've dodged a bullet. But I'm not looking forward to looking for a new job. I don't know if I can rely on the temp service to drop something wonderful in my lap. And I'm still pretty nil on the self-confidence level. Self-hatred levels have lowered, but not elimanated. Social-phobia level still pretty high. Right now I'm still in cruise control. Hoping something will drop out of the sky.

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Oil/Gas money hasn't started rolling in yet. I'll still belive it only when I see it. And yet I hope it's alot, and lasts for a long time. That way, if I don't get a "good job" relatively quickly, it won't matter. And I might do something else that matters to me, like adult literacy, or reading to kids. And, I still get my own version of the Beverly Hillbillies theme running through my head:

First thing you know ol' Pattye's a millionaire,
the kin folk say, "Pattye, move away from there,
Gaillardia's the place you ought to be,"
So we loaded up the truck and moved to OKC-

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I've switched the story running through my head to yet another one, one of my oldest. It also has no real end. Yet in this one the middle kind of falls apart, too. But I still like it.

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I've decided I like Jari Askins for leiutenant Governor. At least SOMEBODY learned from current and future Governor Brad Henry. And I'm glad I'm not in the 5th district. I would vote for unnamed democrat before any of the GOP clones (not to mention that I would do that anyway). But geez, they all say the same things, not a one can think for themselves. And channel 52 took off Magnum PI for Mick Cornetts slickly produced HOUR LONG tribute to himself. We get it! you prefer Mick!! Of course I also remember you aired the Swift Boat crapola too. Just bring back Magnum, and leave off politiking.

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I haven't heard from my kid lately. Which means I'll have to call him. Which I hate to do because I don't want to bother him. I want him to have a life of his own, but I want to hear about it from time to time.

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Barbara Walters people haven't called me yet. I'm sure it's just an oversight.

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I finished a really, freakin' fantastic book day before yesterday: A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore. OMG!! It's amazing the Guthrie Library would have it. Hat's off to you.

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Well, gonna go now - kinda drained out my mind for now. Need to go put more crap in it.

I've decided that however devastating being turned down by Southwest Airlines (for NO GOOD REASON!!), and it was devastating, it was for the best. There are just too many things I don't agree with: mandatory overtime, really low starting pay, 3 weeks unpaid training (who can afford that?), few, if any, paid holidays (I know of 2: Thanksgiving and Christmas), almost guaranteed bad hours and odd days off, no mute button, no putting customers on hold, in fact I think the phone system is way out of date.

And yet, like Hertz, they really know how to treat their customers. Would that they could give their employees similar concern. At least Southwest is unionized, I don't think they really understand call center issues, though, or they just kinda roll over and play dead. And of the airlines, at least the ones I've dealt with, Southwest is tops. No extra change fees when you change a reservation, no $5.00 charge when you call the res center instead of booking online, your res agent will be in the US, and will know every airport SWA flys to.

I guess one of my main gripes is the treatment of employees with mental illnesses. Yeah, it's going to affect the way we do our job. Although, for both Cendant (Trilegiant, Clientlogic), and Hertz, it didn't so much affect my job performance (not at all for C,t,c) as affect the other arbitrary rules. The more I think about it, the less I feel being let go was justified.

But water under the bridge. I am kinda worried about how it will affect me getting a job. But on the otherhand, and completely unrelated, my completely forgotten about land in Roger Mills County now (on the portion with 7 heirs), has an oil/gas well on it. Oil/Gas royalties to follow. Rock. Maybe it'll be enough where I don't have to worry about getting a job quick when the SWA temp job is over.

In other family news, the Hubby thinks his arthitis is spreading to his rib cage, and starting to calcify them. Jimmy, my son, is now in his 2nd of 3 nuke classes in Charleston, SC. I have a niece going to have her 2nd child, a girl, in September. It's already all scheduled, since she had a caesarean the first time around. My sister is in her new house now, on a wooded acreage near Newalla. She and her husband both work at Tinker, so have money out the ass. But hey, more power to them. It's a tough place to work, and they've been there forever.

And I've also decided I need to be the new fat chick on the View. I think introverted, social-phobic, depressed women with low self-esteem are sorely underrepresented on tv. I have opinions, it just may be pulling teeth to get them out of me. I would consider myself well-read. I'm a quick learner. I don't mind being on camera, as long as I don't have to look at myself. I'm not ugly. So, Barbara, Ms. Walters, I'm here, come get me. Because the thought of me putting myself out there, kind of makes my stomach upset.