Saturday, April 30, 2011

Odd People

I've been getting the odd comment every now and then. Probably spam. I know this really isn't worth reading, but it's nice to think that someone reads this. Of course, they probably think, "Wow! This chick really needs help! Mentally, that is." I'll take that.

I did finally hear from my son. I might already have gone through it here, but I don't remember so I'll do it again. My ex is also on Facebook (NO, I have NOT friended him), and bless his little obsessive heart got a coworker to get Jimmy to contact us. Turns out he'd been kind of depressed. (Gee, I wonder where he got that?!) I told him that I needed to hear from him, even if he had nothing to say, even if it's just dumping on me, whatever. I told him, (from experience) he needed to get those feelings out, to me, to a blog, a journal, whatever, just don't let them sit and fester. I think I got through to him. I think.

I got me an iPad2 with my tax refund. I'm happy. Well, yes and no. I'm happy and sad at the same time. I'm happier than I've been in over a decade. But I still have that little bit a sadness, like a shadow behind me. Sometimes I wonder, Fringe-like, what the other Pattyes in the other universes are like. Maybe they got into a different class in third grade. Maybe they didn't, but wasn't destroyed by it, maybe it made them stronger. Maybe it was worse. Maybe I didn't survive my childhood. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I want to travel, but I don't have the money. I'm practically a hoarder. I suck at housecleaning. I just get so worn down.

I just wish I mattered. I wish...

I guess it doesn't matter.