Kinda Anticlimatic

I would like to do so much with this blog, but right now I'm so wrapped up in myself, it's hard to think straight. I'm still unemployed. I keep going on interviews that lead to nothing. It seems like the Hubby hates me now. He says suicide would be stupid, but then critizes what I do, or don't do. I can't change who I am. I tell him I can't change. He doesn't really give me an answer how it can be stupid when I'm pretty useless as is.

Whether I'm suicidal or not kind of depends on the hour. I don't feel like I'm worthwhile. Nobody needs me. Right now it seems like I could win the lottery just as easily as get a job.

Right now I'm writing because I need to write, not because I have anything to say (has that ever stopped me?). I've got so much in my head, but I can't seem to get much out of it.

I think alot about it (suicide, that is). How to do it. Where to do it. What kind of impact it would make (not much). Even down to funeral expenses (donate my body to science, and there won't be any). But even without suicide, I would prefer to leave my body to science. Funerals are creepy.

Right now, money-wise, I'm ok, my son has both sent me some money and brought my car payment up to date. He's a great kid. I'm taking credit for that.

Well, at the library, so off for now

...And Back Down, Again

No, I did not get the position that made me so incredibly happy. But, instead of just being turned down, they didn't fill the position. Yes, I crashed. Life is not worth living, wish I was dead, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I am back up to a not nearly happy, but not technically sad point of view.

Go to Cingular tomorrow. Since I've interviewed with them twice in the past, it doesn't bode well. They tend to ask inane questions I just can't answer. Oh well, one more (maybe two) iron in the fire before I give completely up.