Well, I have a two-week temp assignment (floral call-center's Valentine's Day overflow) coming up. But still no real desire to even LOOK for a job. Especially since, you know, I can't pass an interview to save my life.

I haven't seen any oil money. Have learned that my share may only add up to about $500 a month. Hell, I don't know if it's going to come to my house! Who knows? Maybe it won't come at all.

I'm hoping Friday (and my husband's Social Security), comes before my money runs out. I don't know how I'm going to make: my car payment, utilities, car insurance, phone. The mortgage will be taken care of though.

I'm not quite as depressed as I was (but without antidepressants, thats kind of a meaningless phrase), but hysteria (panic?) out the yin-yang.

I've been trying to think of something I could do for a living that I would enjoy. I'm kind of coming up blank. I can't imagine knitting for a living, I do that for fun (when I have money, and antidepressants - it's the first to go). Reading for a living would be cool, but is there really anything like that (in Oklahoma)? Selling my coloring as art would be cool (and no, I can't really discribe it - it's drawing a line that never crosses to make a design and finally connect the ends and color), but who am I kidding - it's coloring, not art.

oh, hell, maybe I should just go to Carl's Jr. or McD's - at least I'd get a meal.

If There Is Anybody Who Actually Reads This...

I need help!

I need to know why life is still worth living, because right now, I just don't see it.

Ya talk about your poop-outs! I got a little bit more sleet, but that was it.

And I know I need to be looking for a job, but it's just not there. All I can think of, is even if I get an interview, I'll just booger it up. The only jobs I had last year were temps. And how many jobs did I interview for? It's just too discouraging.

So, for right now at least, I'm going to be a lazy bum. But if it's any consolation, I hate myself.

Snow Storm 2007!!!!

The temporary assignment opening mail for the Christian Charity has ended. I could've stretched it out another week, but it would have been 4hr days only, and since I come from Guthrie, and have had to have the Hubby cart me around this week, that just didn't pay. We did part amicably. Even though I hated the job and was ready to go, I cried a little. I'm just not good with the unknown. I'm not exactly an optimist. They were having a blood drive yesterday, I tried but had low iron. Would having no breakfast count? It was just before lunch, and I was starving.

And speaking of having the Hubby cart me around...!!!!

I GOT OUT OF THE YARD ON MY OWN CAR'S POWER, FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS WEEK!!!! Of course, my road's still ice packed, and I had to back up until I found a place I could go forward (15 mph on the speedometer, about 2 in actual forward momentum). Once I was onto Industrial (in Guthrie), it was fine, ice spotty only in places, but fine. It was nice to be out and about today! Of course, it's all supposed to go to shit again today (tonight, tomorrow - whenever). Figures.

So, probably won't get out to the KATT blood drive tomorrow, my Literacy Tutor Training has been postponed for a couple of weeks. So, I'm free.

Now I'm at the point again of needing a job. I've been looking at job openings, but not really seriously. After all, I can't get through an interview to save my life. And there's always some, more competent, person (or a better bs'r) behind me, ready to mop up my mistakes.

I hate the unknown. The only thing wrong with me is depression (well, and high cholesterol). I should be able to look for, and get, a job. Maybe I should do what the M-in-L says and like go to Wal-Mart or McD's or so, don't they hire about anybody? I tried Target last year, 2 of them in fact. but guess what? Yes, I boogered up the interviews and didn't get the job. How am I supposed to get over this feeling of utter worthlessness? Because I'm not. worth. a. damn! So I don't feel good about myself! So what?! What kind of lazy bum am I that I can't get some kind of work (and waaay too shy to do the "Will work for food" scam)?!

I would like to know that life is ok and maybe will get better. But it just doesn't seem that way right now.

I hate the unknown.

ICE STORM 2007!!!!

Can the media just SHUT UP now?! At least here in Guthrie it's not as bad as it could have been, and certainly doesn't warrant 24 hour coverage by the local media. It's assinine! They better not interrupt 24 tonight!!

Well, the KATT blood drive was posponed until next Saturday, when I have the literacy tutoring session. So I have to decide whether I give blood at the charitable organization later this week or just go into the Edmond OBI location and hope to get a KATT t-shirt.

I was kind of hoping that the assignment was over, as it's getting kind of old. but they haven't told me, and I'll stay until they push me out the door. I'll just complain about it alot.

I did have a paragraph complaining about my life (what's new there?), but somehow the palm of my hand rested on buttons and deleted it. That's another thing I dislike about my husband's laptop. Oh well, it wasn't all that original anyway. Just prattling on about my depression. Not crashing like during my PMS week, more like white noise going on all the time.

You know there's nothing going on, when I can't think of anything to write about. Even of my favorite subject - me.

And of the SURGE, what was that old saw? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different outcome everytime?

According to my sitemeter stats, I have one reader. But do you realize what that means? I actually have someone who reads me?! Isn't that just so cool?!

Not much going on. My temp service called me on Friday just to see how the assignment was going. Excuse me? Are these the same people who ignored me after the SWA assignment? Are these the people who have given me grief for telling the people whose work I'm doing when I need to be off and not the people who pay my check (mainly because my shift starts 2-3 hours before my temp service opens)? Well, according to them my assignment still ends around mid-January. So, I guess that means I have 1 or 2 weeks to go. And then what?

Well I'm actually kind of ready for the assignment to be over. Even though I haven't a clue as to what to do next. Since I can't get through an interview to save my life, looking for a new job is kind of pointless.

More later, I guess.

And so it's 2007

Not a good time for me to mull over the past year and think about the one upcoming. I've been sad today. It may be PMS (can I STOP having a period now!!!), though. Completely unsure. My 47-year-old body is kinda wacko in that regard.

My son told me not to worry about his car troubles, he's handling it. Of course he is. He's a good kid, a smart kid, and not a kid (and when did THAT happen?). He called me last night, worried about me. Wow! What did I do to deserve a kid like that?!

I don't know.

I wish I had more talent. Then maybe I could get the stories that occupy my mind out. But then, for the two other people who read this, they could read these blogs to my right - they actually have talent.

And I still have no desire to look for a job that I won't get because I can't interview to save my life. So I have no idea what's going to happen when the current temp job ends. Of course it would be nice if I got my oil money by then. Then maybe I could go to the doctor's and get put on an antidepressant that works for me (like lexapro). And go to the eyedoctors and get new glasses, probably bifocals, so I'm not taking off or putting on my glasses constantly (currently on my forehead). And If it's a lot of money, I can pay off last years taxes, the unemployment their making me return, pay off my car, and start making a dent in old medical bills. And if it's an embarrassingly huge amount of money, buy a new truck and a 5th wheel camper and TRAVEL with the hubby and the children (yes, I mean the dogs). That would be nice.

And coming up this month, the KATT blood drive, and I start my literacy tutor training. I'm pretty psyched about that. I'm not real sure how good a teacher I'll be, being incredibly shy. But still.

I think Bubba (the Basset/hound dog mix) needs a puppy, but the Hubby says 3 dogs are enough. Cletus the rescue Basset still jumps on him, but I don't know why (it MAY be that butt-licking thing). And Ziva the dachshund is a princess, and usually too wrapped up in herself (or playing with her cat, Whiskers, if he's in the house). So it's clear (to me at least) Bubba needs a puppy.

Reading up on Bassets, (when we found Bubba) we learned they have a nose second only to a bloodhound. Today, over at the M-in-L's house, Cletus started sniffing around the couch, went behind the couch, and then back in front of me (sitting on the couch). Would have knocked me off it and lifted it up with just his nose if he could have manage it: there was a rawhide piece stuck inbetween sections. Amazing! He loves his rawhides (and pig ears)!