Friday, July 30, 2004

My Mother-in-Law is getting better and better every day! My husband is spending most of the day at the hospital.
My son is spending the weekend at his Dad's. Yes, he usually works the weekend. He requested the days off a while ago and didn't tell either me or my Hubby. I'm not sure if it's forgetfulness, or willful. The Hubby is pissed.

*SIGH*

I'm down, as usual. As the moon waxes toward full, so does my PMS. Which makes my depression worse. But lately, I just haven't been able to sustain normality (much less be happy). I'm pretty worthless. I seem to always make stupid mistakes. I am Ms. Not Together, but lately it seems like I've become Ms. Completely Incompetent.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Sigh of Relief

My Mother-in-Law is out of trouble.  The valve didn't have to be replaced, they had to put a ring under it and reattach it to the heart wall.  Lot of pain  -  long recovery, but out of the woods.
And I am tired.  Me and the Hubby stayed at the hospital last night.  Not real comfortable.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

A Not Together Day

Yes, the dog alarm went off at 5AM as usual, so I may have been napping in the recliner, but I was technically up.  My son's alarm went of first at 6AM, then at 6:15AM, and at about 6:25 I woke him up so we to go to the Edmond, OK DMV to take the driving test.  It takes him forever to get ready, but my dad was that way, too. 
When we get to the DMV, My boy was, like, 77 on the list.  That's at freaking 7:30AM! 
I learned they had been lining up since 5AM.  Anyway, we're in a line, not sure for what, for another 2 1/2 hours.  We learn that's the line to make the appointment for the actual test.  Damn.  The clerk asked me what time I preferred.  I said, "Now?!" 
He laughed, showed me the days list and said, "I'm sorry, all these people are ahead of you."  The earliest we could get was 2:15PM.  Now I have to be at work at 12:30PM, the Boy was scheduled at 2PM.  The Hubby is stressing over his mother, and has too (too, too, too, too) much on his mind.  First my son calls his work to see if they would let him come in a little late (he swore they wouldn't), and he explained what it was for and they said yes.  (Then his Dad calls and acts like an ass, but that's not news - and it's another post)
Calling my work is a little stickier.  I can't just ask for the day off,  while I may not be hanging by a thread, I just can't call in.  But I have to do something.  So I call in to our Workforce Department to see if I can get what's called "Low Call" until 4PM.  That's when the volume of calls in are low enough to let people go early (or in my case, come in late) without pay.  They said no, so I spoke to my direct supervisor, who at first referred me back to Workforce, I told her I did that, then she spoke to her supervisor.  She gave me Low Call until 3:30PM.
We spent more time getting to the DMV, than the test took.

**SIGH**

Right turn on red AFTER STOP!
We get to try again next week. 

Monday, July 26, 2004

A New Week

I did remember to take my pill today (but forgot yesterday).
I sent a little egreetings to some friends about this blog.  I'm kind of out there now.  Yeah, little scary.
Hopefully, my son will take his driving test tomorrow morning (those slots fill up quick).  And hopefully, he will pass and be a fully liscensed driver (and I don't have to stay up 'til midnight to pick him up at work).  The Hubby thinks we'll need to leave the house around 7:00AM, I'm thinking more around 6:30AM.  If it's first come, first served, I want to be first.
And everything comes to a standstill on Wednesday.  My Mother-in-Law has open-heart surgery to replace her nonfunctioning mitral valve (she's getting plastic).  She has to be at the hospital at 5:30AM.  Some of the info she received said she'd be getting ready for 4/5 hours.  People have these things all the time.  She'll be ok.  Well, for the Hubby's sake, she needs to be ok.
And speaking of the Hubby,  he's pretty much reached the limit of what he can take.  Worrying about my son.  Worrying about his mother.  Worrying about his low-life brother.  Worrying about his own body's decline.  I think, for what it's worth, his increase in pain is because of all the stress he's under.  If he could just chill, I think his pain would lessen.
Right now, I'm not thinking beyond Wednesday.  After Wednesday, I'll start thinking again.

Friday, July 23, 2004

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

 

UPDATE:  I think I have it now.  It just takes me a while.

Yes, I Have

Added Haloscan comments

Yes, I know they're in there twice.

I am Ms. Not Together!
Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Remember I Said I Could Handle My Depression?

I lied.  I crashed big this morning.  I've recovered some, I don't want to kill myself because I forgot to pay the electric bill (I paid it over the phone).  I could still spew self-hatred for, like, hours on end.  Yeah.  Way interesting stuff.

I got my Zoloft refilled today.  So, If I can remember to take the silly things, I'll be ok.  It doesn't get completely rid of it, but I get to a point where I can function.  I'm not there today.

I'm tired.  I just want to sleep.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Yet Another...

Call Center.  Yeah, I'm happy about the new jobs.  But, jeez, doesn't it seem like we're painting ourselves into a corner?  Let's see,  there's Hertz, Southwest, Cingular, AT&T Wirless (for now), Dobson Communications (for now), Cendant Travel, Convergys (DirecTV - who I wouldn't work for for any amount of money - when the tornado went thru Moore, May 2003, they made them stay on the phone - a tornado is half a mile away!) ,  AOL, the Hartford, Farmers, Williams-Sonoma, it just seems to go on and on and on.  You're not going to make $35,000 a year (or more)  at any call center.  They give you sick leave, and then penalize you for using it.  No, not every call is recorded.  Certain calls are for monitoring - making sure you're saying everything you're supposed to say - making sure you're treating the customers well.  And your immediate supervisor may or may not have been on the phone (and if not, that means  they're telling you how to do your job, when they've never done it themselves).  You may be slammed.  You may be sitting on your ass for 8 hours. 

Don't we as Oklahomans deserve better?

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Creepy Deluxe!

Ick.

Just ick.
I was cruising the news, I may be at work, but I like to keep myself apprised.  I found this article about Lassiter Drug. 

-snip-
"They can get an original refill, but after that they have to go mail-order, and that's hurting our economy more than (the chain pharmacies)," he said, claiming the insurance companies have caused the problem. Lassiter cited a study that several years ago alleged mail-order is more expensive to health care providers than local pharmacies, whether it's a chain or independent.
"There's more wastage – it's 30 percent," he said. "People get a three- or six-month supply today and go to the doctor tomorrow and he changes the medicine, so that's all down the drain."
-snip-
 
Yes!!  I feel vindicated!  Of course my prescription coverage says I don't have to do the insane mail order thing, I can pay more instead.  So I do.  I kind of wish I lived closer to Del City now, Guthrie's about 45 miles away.  So, show Lassiter Drug some love.  They deserve it.
 
 

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

The Heart Beat

Yeah, I know!  When I don't feel like writing is when I need to write the most!  And I have forgotten to take my pill for a couple of days (or so).  The Zoloft may be working better than I think it does.
My Mother-in-Law went to her cardiologist today.  She has Mitral Valve Prolapse, if you haven't gone to the link, it's the valve between the left atrium and left ventricle, which has caused Mitral Valve Regurgitation.  She had an arteriogram about a week and a half ago.  It showed that instead of being just leaky, it's stuck open.  She's going to have to have the valve replaced.  Here's a presentation I found about the surgery.
This is kind of knocking the Hubby for a loop.  I think the extra stress is wreaking havoc with his arthritis (it is an autoimmune disorder).  I think I've gone into it before, but he has Ankylosing Sondylitis, a form of arthritis that affects the spine, etc.  All of a sudden, everything hurts more than usual - spine, shoulders, knees - with no relief.    There are other things going on at the same time, family things.  Things that have been going on since the dawn of time.  Things that he just needs to let go because nothing's going to change, and worrying  doesn't help.





Friday, July 16, 2004

My Opinion Is

Ok, Looking through different sites to see if there was any OK news worth commenting on (and, goddamn, we have no news), and then I see this on KFOR.COM. 
 
James Nichols, you're a lying sack of shit!  You can't tell me you had nothing to do with the Murrah bombing. You're involved up to your eyeballs.  You were just smart enough to not have any evidence traceable back to you. 
 
Hopefully, justice will be served, and your frivolous lawsuit will be thrown out.  That and maybe now your (not as smart) brother will start singing.

Irony

A depressed person (me) having to be a cheerleader for another depressed person(the hubby).  My depression I can deal with.  My hubby's knocks me for a loop.
 
The best thing I could say, "I need you! What would I do without you?"
"You would probably die!"
"That's right!  Don't you forget it!"

I think that made him feel a little better.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

God Love Him

The good General, I mean.  A true patriot.    As an Oklahoman, I salute you.

 
 
For background, let me refer you to this.  Coburn has new ads now, putting him at the right hand of God, spouting everything a good Borg, uh, Republican should say.  
More views of the Oklahoma Senate horserace, Humphreys is gunning for my man, Brad Carson, Anthony is gunning for Humphreys, and both Anthony and Humphreys are giving the cold shoulder to Coburn, like he didn't even exist. *SHIVER*
Brad, may I call you Brad, is staying above the fray,  has two fantastic, positive ads (a la Brad Henry) which you can see here and here




3:25 AM

That's when the dog alarm went off this morning. And what did he do? Did he really need to walk or potty? NO! He had to eat grass and leaves, then vomit. That couldn't have waited until 5:00 AM?!

Needless to say, I went back to bed.

And yes he did wake me up at 5:00 AM. He's pretty regular.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

It Just Started Out Bad...

And then didn't get better.

5:00 AM: The dog alarm goes off. What is the dog alarm? That's when our Basset Hound, Bubba, decided he needed to go potty. He usually goes off at 5:00, but sometimes at 4:00. I walk him and the entourage: Rogue the Dachshund, Heidi the Shepard Mix, Whiskers and Midnight the cats. He potties and we come back in and I fall asleep on the recliner for two hours or so. That's how it's supposed to go. I get Bubba outside, first I notice the neighbor's dogs are barking (but that's not actually news), then it was like a ghost, a tall, white dog running back to our back yard - Cheyenne the wolf hybrid was loose. Luckily, she comes when you call. I put her in the house and wait for my husband to wake up. I tried to sleep, but no, Cheyenne was too hyper, like a two-year-old child. And Bubba became Humpy.
So, from 5:00AM to 7:30AM it was, ""No, Cheyenne!" or "Get off, Bubba!"
At 7:30, I openned our bedroom door and Cheyenne and Bubba ran in and jumped on their Daddy.
Sweet relief, since they both love their Daddy! Cheyenne was put back and fed in the backyard. I made breakfast. Then we watched Once Upon A Time In Mexico (Oh my God, Antonio Banderas!). 11:00AM rolls around, hubby goes to mow, I'm relaxing on the futon, since I have to leave for work at 11:30(which gives me a 10 to 15 minute window when I get there). The next thing I know, Midnight the cat is happily purring away, laying on my neck. It's 11:40. I grab lunch and go. From Guthrie to Moore is about 43 miles, but I35 all the way. I notice a shimmy at higher speeds. I slow down, but it doesn't help. The car feels like it's skating. Passing Edmond, I hear a CLUNK coming from the back end. Car noise is louder than normal. I turn up the radio, but I'm at the freakout point as it is. The shimmy is getting worse. Let me say this - I HATE CAR TROUBLE! I hear more clunks around SE66th, and I pull over. No tires flat, nothing looks wrong, I get back in and start praying I can make it to work. I get into Moore, just north of the Shields overpass, and I hear CLUNK, FLAP, FLAP, FLAP. Yay. It's 12:26, my shift starts at 12:30. I pull over, I discover, that while all my tires do have air in them, the passenger side rear no longer has tread.
Now, I can change a tire. The only problem I have is loosening the lug nuts (damn impact wrenches!). I can't the the lugs loosened. Now I'm crying. I call my work, tell them I'll be late. I call my husband, basically to cry, because he's 40 miles away, and unable to help. Thankfully, a semi-truck driver,with Swift, stopped and changed my tire. Thank you, Swift Driver!!
I spent my lunch, plus an extra hour and 15 minutes, a total of an hour and 45 minutes, at Wal-Mart buying two tires. So I can not drive home on a temporary tire.
God, I'm tired.

UPDATE: The tires I bought are crap. I was supposed to buy some other brand. And why didn't I buy just one tire, these other tires are still good. Hubby: Do I have to do everything? Me: Tire-wise, Yes!
**SIGH**

Monday, July 12, 2004

Can Nobody Help Me?

I've been using this blog as a way to spew. As a person who's normally shy, introverted (and no, that's not necessarily an oxymoron), and depressed (how many years now?), it's cheap therapy. And although I could, I'm not going to rant again about my health insurance, copays, my ignorant prescription coverage, it serves no purpose. At least I have health insurance, for now.
I am a complete newbie. I just started reading blogs this year. I have my regulars, Eric Alterman, Kevin Drum (OT - why are there so many bloggers named Kevin?), Atrios, not to mention my boys at Pandagon. I can't help but think that is so cool. It's why I started this.

Depressed Me says: I get so frustrated, though. I'm not nearly in their league, why am I trying? Who am I trying to kid? Just who do you think you are? This is worthless crap. (please, somebody stop me!)

Not Depressed Me says: This is fantastic! I can say anything I want. People from everywhere can read it, or not, that doesn't matter. You know I need to read up on web design and html, I can make this the best damn site nobody reads!

And then I have this genetic hatred of being ignored, I've had it all my life (and yes, I realize the irony of being shy and hating to be ignored).
I don't know what I'm trying to say, this post. My mind is a jumbled mess. But then, I am Ms. Not Together.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

I'm Psyched!

Kerry-Edwards!! Freakin' fantastic!!!

I almost voted for Edwards in the Primary. You know his "Two Americas" really spoke to me, but I thought he was too nice and the Republican machine would eat him up. I voted for Dean.

But I should have remembered our last Governors election. Steve Largent deigned to descend from heaven (Washington DC), to accept the mantle of governorship. His campaign was considered a juggernaut, unbeatable. The main opponent, former Republican, restauranteur Vince Orza. Then out of left field (well, more like center), comes Brad Henry. His first ads were just basic introductions, himself (then a state representative from Shawnee), his wife (a teacher in Shawnee), and his 3 girls. You came away thinking, "What a nice guy. Largent would tear him to pieces."
So, sorry Brad, I voted for Orza in the primary, even though I liked Henry, because I wanted someone winnable. Brad Henry won the primary and went on to win the election because he's a nice guy, and Largent showed himself to be the nasty, self-absorbed prick that he is.

I guess that's what the difference is in this election. Since the government is supposed to be "...of the people, by the people and for the people..." it ends up being a reflection of all us. What are we showing now? What do we want to show?
I want my government to be about the best of all of us, strength, compassion, tolerance, hope, optimism, resolve.

Friday, July 02, 2004

And on the Other Hand...

Here's the site for the guy I'm actually going to vote for, Brad Carson. He's still a little too conservative for my blood, but, hey, I'm a blue blue person in a red state, I'll settle.

So, why am I so big on Bob Anthony? Well, he's the least objectionable of the three. Kirk Humphreys is just plain repellant. Coburn has that hilarious commercial that was produced by Growth for America, and whereever the hell they're from - it's not Oklahoma.

Actually, I thought that Bob rode the regulated corporation a little hard.

So, I'm sorry Bob. I'm an unrepentant LIBERAL Democrat, you'd have to do a lot of convincing to get me.

Hey, Brad, Call me!

Givin a Shout Out!

To my man, Bob Anthony! Sink those teeth into Kirk Humphreys!